At 5/12/09 04:10 PM, InsertFunnyUserName wrote:
Okay, so I'm in a bit of a dealio myself.
*Cracks fingers* let's have a go then.
I was recently asked out by this guy and I accepted because, well, I don't know; I wanted a relationship. I had intended for my next relationship to be with a woman, but I figured I wouldn't let the opportunity slip by me.
Ok so you wanted a relationship for the sake of it and to experience the joy of intimacy and being cared for by someone else, nothing wrong with that.
But that alone proves you have heterosexual thoughts otherwise the idea would have completely repulsed you.
Well, my not listening to my intentions has left me in a bit a predicament. I really like my boyfriend as a person - he's smart, funny, trustworthy, and a good friend - but I'm not attracted to him. At least, I don't think I am.
There's your second problem, you don't THINK you are, but you don't know, when you're with him if getting with him in any shape or form is unappealing and you cannot do it, then yeah, you could be gay, OR you may just not be attracted to this guy?
I'm thinking that I accepted because I liked him as a person and I really wanted a meaningful irl relationship, but I completely ignored the fact that for the last month or so, I've been wondering whether I'm a lesbian, as opposed to pansexual. Now this is coming back to bite me in the ass.
You're 16 years old and going through the motions, your sexuality will get thrown into question from time to time, but you need to size up the reasons why you think you are gay and why you don't, if you cannot see the variables in this situation you will only give yourself a huge headache and will only further depress yourself.
This leaves me in the position of having to tell him this recently after our getting together that I don't want to date him because I'm a lesbian.
Never tell a guy you're gay when you break up with him, it will immasculate him and destroy his confidence beyond belief, he'll think he TURNED you gay because he was so awful, it doesnt matter whether it's obvious he didn't he will think that.
If you feel you need to end it, make sure it's ended amicably or at least with a good excuse.
To add to all this, I'm also only about like 85% sure that I actually am solely homosexual. If I break up with him saying that I'm a lesbian and then I find out that I'm actually just bi or pansexual, that's going to lead to drama.
If you are 85% sure or whatever, then don't use it as an excuse.
Get to know a girl, see how it goes, have sex with her or kiss her, see how it feels and if it's any different to being with a guy, you can only know what your sexuality is when you've experienced both of what each gender has to offer to the full extent.
No, it will lead to you realizing you made a mistake like all human beings do and you'll simply have to live with it and move on.
However, if I stay with him and find out later for sure that I absolutely am a lesbian after I've let the relationship grow and let his feelings for me grow, that will end in drama and him getting hurt and I really don't want to hurt him because he is a good friend.
Again, it will end in you making a mistake which you will simply have to move on from.
So, in short, I have absolutely no idea what I should do, so any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Take a break from him but give a decent excuse so you don't hurt his feelings, don't bring your confused sexuality into question, simply say you are having troubles at home and need some space, in that time, get to know a girl and see where it leads you, then make your decision afterwards.
There's a 2/3 chance that this is going to end horribly, and only a 1/3 chance that it's going to end equal to or less than moderately bad. I still want to be friends with him because he is, like I said, a close friend.
The more you exacerbate this situation inside your own hormonally crazy brain, the worse it will become.
Chill out, realize that this may go well if he's as nice a person as you say he is, and realize you're nearly an adult, this concept of "drama at every turn i take" is ridiculous, if you handle this properly there will be minimal issues.
Additionally, to add to my guilt factor, he asked me a few days ago whether this was a real, long term relationship or just a fling and I said that it was long term and that I intended to take it seriously.
You're a woman who's confused about her sexuality and a teenager, both combined make you a very indecisive person, so don't worry about it.
As i said, chill out, consider the variables in this problem and then make your choice based on PROPER experience with both genders.
Thank you for your time NG, once again i am now off to ghost for another month or two
LOVE YOU BAI
