Lets start this off right.
Hitting pedestrian with car, +10 pts. "Basic bumper"
Hitting anything while on cellphone, -14 pts. "10 and 2 foul"
Hitting anything while drunk, score halved rounded down. "Tipsy foul"
Hitting j-walker with car, +15 pts. "Serves em right"
Hitting celebrity with car, +50 pts. "Hey I know yo-THUD'
Hitting celebrity with car while not on road, +60 pts. "Off road action star"
Hitting dog, -5 pts. "Man's best fender foul"
Hitting cat, -2 pts. "Not a touchdown"
Hitting pedestrian walking dog but missing dog, +15 pts. "My dog now"
Hitting elephant, +25 pts. "Circus is out"
Hitting Oprah, +25 pts. "Next on Oprah, my car"
Hitting Oprah with elephant, + 125 pts. "Pets gone wild"
Hitting elephant with Oprah, + 250 pts. "Hail to the king, baby"
Riding Oprah, - 180 pts. "Protection? More like hazmat"
Hitting pedestrian in reverse, +12 pts. "I'm driving here"
Hitting mathematician with car, 14 pts. "I'm deriving here"
Hitting pedestrian in reverse over 50mph, +22 pts. "Americans drive on wrong side"