Newgrounds.com — Everything, By Everyone.

I'd run to my truck with the dogs on my heels run into Best Buy, buy a new flat screen high def tv run home set up and grab some beer for me and the dogs and we would watch Girls Gone Wild or football...coz thats the reason why they would come into my house anyways. (my old tv sucked ass so I didn't care if they busted it)

He thinks he's gonna overpower everyone who crawls through his tunnel...but he's gonna be in for one helluva surprise if its some big ass dude that beats the shit out of him enough to put him in the hospital or worse....OR it could be some big dude that just got out of prison that turns the tables and rapes HIM INSTEAD!!!

On the website promotion thing on your user account it says if you link your site to newgrounds you will be credited 1 visitor. How can you tell if oyu get the credits...does it show up on your userpage or do the visitors you send over have to sign up for an acccount?

Bugs isn't gay....its just really super easy to trick Elmer. It shows Bugs likes girls in Space Jam when he tries to pick up on that girl Bunny.

I use to play neopets a while back...but I stopped after a short while...I even forgot my password and my pet's name. I have NO INTENTIONS of going back. EVER. plus isn't that site geared towards younger girls aged 6-12 anyways??

A thread saying Read this before you post.

if its a list of rules to use thier site for whatever then I suggest that you follow them....or you may find yourself in a bit of trouble

Got anymore room? I been into horror since I could walk...I have practically been raised on horror. I even went to the Halloween Haunt at Great America. I have seen Saw and part of Saw 2. I have plans on watching A NIghtmare On Elm Street (1st one) tonite.

On a side note...click on the ciggarette sig and it should bring you up to my Horror website. (still under construction)

Also have any of you guys seen 'Pelts'? Its pretty fucking gross...its a mini series about a cursed racoon pelt that makes its wearers do unspeakable violent things. (like one guy skinning himself alive to make a "coat" for a woman he likes).

At 8/29/09 04:59 PM, MemoryCard wrote: Also, mods can't unban people that they haven't banned so a mod could get banned and they wouldn't be able do shit about it.

That is, if you could ban a mod and I'm not sure they can be.

So basically EeyLovePoozy could ban a fellow mod that helps run the same area he does and that mod would be banned until he lifts it?

At 10/22/09 05:56 PM, xenonmonkey wrote: Fucking delete your sig right now

I'm not to sure what happens when you die...I guess each person has his/her own beliefs. That's just my opinion.

why do you want him to delete his sig?

No I havn't been abducted by aliens...and no they didn't fuck me in the ass with their probe.

By people's stupididty. I'm sorry...but a majority of the people on the world are fucking idiots....they'll do something to fuck something up...and when they try to "fix" it they'll fuck it upeven morethan it already is. In other words....WE will cause the end of the world by our own negligence and stupidity

He said the fort was 5 ft off the ground? Uhhh....how can they knock down the walls without climbing it first? (unless they were pretty fucking tall ginormous cops) and why the fuck would they throw beer bottles at the fort? Something smells like bullshit on that part. Also cops would have called everyone out on thier loudspeaker thing they have...

right after I drank about a gallon of soda at a resteraunt and my cousin and I went outside told him to move coz I wa about to let loose....he kept saying hold on hold on...so I let loose all over his back. He wasn't happy...I thought it was damn funny and went back in and drank more soda.

This story is about a certain Toy Factory that isn't what is seems.

*contains Mild language and graphic content*

The building had been abandoned for some time now before they moved in. The building was large and vacant but would suit thier needs quite nicely. It wasn't long before they started setting up and had things into position. Soon the factory was running like new....even the building's dirty exterior had a new cheerful paintjob. Higher up on the large factory the words Toy Factory in child like block letters were arranged in a goofy fashion. Two working gears one by the T in Toy and one by the Y at the end of Factory spun in slow unison. Inside the workers toiled enlessly making sure everything was in working order. The owner of the factory stepped outside to briefly examine the work done. He smiled a crooked smile. "Soon we will be able to get the children in here..." He cackled to himself. Oh, the children would come alright....he would invite any age to come really. It didn't matter....but what the factory was geared to was children. The owner looked like a tall lanky version of the Mr. MoneyBags guy one will find on the Monopoly games. He knew how he would get people into his factory it would be quite easy to do being as he considered most people stupid and would do damn near anything if it were free. He ran the plan through his head several times:

1.Invite as many children as he saw in for free. He would do this personally being as parents tended to throw things away if written on paper.

2. Tell them it was FREE of course. and there were no rules...you could break anything (which was true...he didn't care if his things got broken....he hasn't cared for centuries before he settled here and he doesn't care now.) You could do anything from writting on walls, running in halls, screaming, eating loads of candy, anything.

3. Entice them with all the latest toys....from Pokemon down to the latest electronic game systems.

4. If the parents wished to come...he would grudgingly allow them...no use in arising suspicion by saying only children...he did not need the parents of said child to making false assumtions that he was a pedophille (despite him being pure evil, he hated pedophilles above all else)

MoneyBaggs went back into his factory. "is everything ready?" He asked one of his many employees. "Yes sir. We will have things up and running soon. We need to make a few more adjustments and we will be ready to go." The cheerfull emplyee giggled. Moneybaggs grimiced. He wasn't too sure of his newest employee. He was way too cheerful. The emloyee who was Marrionette (named for what he actually looked like) had only been with his employer for a few short months...had been driven insane by Moneybaggs and his most trusted employee The Engineer. Marrionette was tall and lanky and was around 10 years of age if he were still human. His real name was Derrick but because of the treatments and modifications he had recieved he had forgotten his name and even most of the memories of his parents were long gone. He had some flashbacks but Moneybaggs had passed them off as repressed memories. Nothing more. Marrionette returned to his station to continue his touch ups when a brief flashback occured.

FLASHBACK

Derrick aged 10 years had heared the music playing outside. He had been grounded by his parents for running in the house when he shouldn't have and wasn't supposed to go outside for the entire week. In Derricks opinion they were way to strict. He was 10 years after all....he did what 10 year old children normally did at that age. He carefully snuck out of his bedroom window and headed towards that gleeful music. He figured he would just check out what it was and be back before his parents ever knew he was gone. Little did he know that would be the last time his parents ever saw him or he them. Derrick found the source of the music and headed into the building. He saw all kinds of toys...some he never even heared of or seen in his life...Dolls, cars, trucks, pokemon figures and other new toys lined the shelves. That was when he met Moneybaggs for the first time. "How are you doing young Derrick?" he asked in a cheerful voice. Derrick spun around frightened. "I uhhh....you see...." Moenybaggs smiled gently. "I understand son. You want to try my line of toys...well...go ahead. In my factory you can do whatever you please. Write on walls, run in the halls, eat candy until you puke, break things, break toys, I don't mind...its all up to you." Derrick could not believe his ears. "You mean I can bust this...glass doll? He threw the toy on the ground and it shattered. Moneybaggs laughed and thew down another doll that shattered as well. "Its all free Derrick...do whatever you like." With that Moneybaggs left Derrick to his own devices. Derrick was overjoyed. This guy was odd but at least he understood what 10 year olds liked to do. He didn't want to ever leave.

Derrick continued his fun of playing with the toys and eating all the candy he could stomach. All he had to do was ask and whatever toy or candy he wanted was given to him. After a while though he began to get tired and thought it was best to go home. He would come back tomorrow and play with the toys and his new friend Moneybaggs. Afterall, his parents were probrably worried sick. Derrick looked at the toys surrounding him and they looked a bit...off. Almost as if they were once alive and something else. One doll he had been playing with...the one called Tammi looked familiar to him. It sort of had a sad and scared look in its glassy eyes as it gazed back at him...almost as if it was pleading for him to leave...to run away. He pushed this all aside...they were just toys. Derrick went to look for the exit and found he couldn't find it. "Hey Moneybaggs..." Derrick called. The lanky man appeared out of nowhere. "I wanna go home. My parents are worried sick. Its late." Derrick whined. Suddenly Moneybaggs didn't seem so cheerful anymore. He had a dark sinister look to his eyes. "You can't ever leave Derrick. You are going to stay here forever..." Derrick screamed and ran. He had gotten so far when something slammed into him and he felt something warm spray out from his chest. He looked down in dazed wonder and found that he had a huge gaping hole in his chest. Someone had blown him wide open. Warm blood gushed from his body as he was dragged away leaving a trail of intestine in its wake. He was placed on the operating table and underwent a series of modifications to turn him into a marrionette...(his favorite toy). The modifications changed his frame of thinking....his last thought was of his parents and he thought he heared his heartbroken parents calling his name...before he blacked out. A month later his parents and authorities gave up the search knowing he was dead and gone. (they had found his torn bloody clothing...a distraction devised by the maniacal Moneybaggs to throw parents off the trail.)

Marrionette shook his head. "Parents? What are parents? Do I have parents...where are they?" He thought. He quickly pushed that thought out of his mind. He did not need to be punished again. Punishments were painful and were administered by The Engineer. All though all he did was maintenence work, he felt a bit sad at times. He had no real frineds. The Dolls were usually sitting by themselves or talking amongst themselves. The closest thing to a "friend" he had was a live action doll named Nurse. He guessed she was pretty enough but odd. Sometimes she spoke to him but seemed distant when he asked her too many questions. Nurse seemed to like him ok...she was the one that helped him recover when he was created. But she was weird...she had this slightly annoying laugh and sometimes all she did was stare at him with morbid curiosity and amusement...it freaked him out sometimes....like she was doing now. He shook his head. "Dolls." He thought to himself. Moneybaggs appeared out of nowhere again. "Marrionette, Nurse go see The Engineer. Now." Marrio

At 10/18/09 04:56 PM, PaperBagMask wrote: honkeys

1. People who are FUCKING RACIST
2. People who stare
3. People who ask stupid ass questions
4 . Fuckers who rickroll you

Havn't written much in a few years...
no flash stories
no life stories

but I did this one about a year ago...
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Mortal Kombat: Onaga's Reign

(I do not own Mortal Kombat or any of its characters; they are owned by Midway and the guys that work there)
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Long ago, long before Mortal Kombat even began Outworld was ruled not by Shao Kahn...but by a creature known as Onaga. Onaga was a powerful dragon like creature. He was so powerful one could consider him a god. In fact none of the elder gods wanted to anger him in anyway because of his immense power. His power could rival those of the gods. He had been known to kill elder gods whom one thought could not be killed so easily. He killed them without much trouble at all. He had an advisor who helped him with his plans and whatnot. This advisor was none other than Shao Kahn. Onaga could have conquered any realm he saw fit but often chose to "wait until the right time". He could have had Edenia for himself but he chose not to waste time with that pathetic realm being as the people there would pose little challenge. They were no threat.
Onaga was feared and respected throughout the realms. Even his own personal servents feared him because he was known to fly into a murderous rage at the littlest things and send the hapless servant halfway across the room...well ....at least half of them anyway. The other half went flying across the other side of the room. Shao Kahn did not approve of his master's approach to dealing with disobedient, foolish subjects. It wasn't because he felt sorry for the subjects....What Shao Kahn wanted was Onaga's power. Oh, to know such glorious power!! It was then he decided to kill Onaga and take this realm for himself. Then he could build an army BIGGER than Onaga's. With Onaga dead he would take his power and be able to conquer whatever realm he chose. The Gods and mortals would soon fear and know his name.
"Kaaahhhhhhhnnn!" Onaga bellowed. His loud voice booming through the fortress. Even the guards themselves cringed and felt a tinge of pity for the advisor. But still....better he than them. Kahn cringed...not because he was frightened but because he had a deep seated hatred for the Dragon King. Kahn groaned and went to see what the stupid reptile was yelling about now.
"Yes mighty Onaga?" Kahn said respectfully keeping a healthy distance from Onaga's massive claws. One blow would more than likely kill him he knew. But he also knew Onaga would not want to risk killing such a valuable ally. "I wish to conquer...but damn those elder gods they are resisting my attempts!" Onaga bellowed. "Why not simply eradicate them as you have done--" was all Kahn got out before a heavy claw swiped at him knocking him from his feet. "Do you take me for a fool Kahn? Don't you think I have tried?" They have made a barricade that even I cannot get passed....something about rules and a tournement they are thinking of." Onaga bellowed. 'This has never stoppd you before from such attempts you stupid stupid reptile!' Kahn thought. He quickly dismissed those thoughts though. He didn't know if Onaga read minds or not but if he did...
"Prepare me a feast for I am hungry!" Onaga roared. Kahn held back his contempt and set to preparing the feast. He dismissed Onaga's personal chefs for he wanted to prepare this meal personally. He had acquired the deadly poison that would kill Onaga instantly. With him dead then Kahn could take over the realm of Outworld and have Onaga's power at his disposal. Kahn set to work making sure everything was perfect. Right down to the wine. Kahn put a sprinkle of the poison in his food and into the drink as well...he had put enough in there to kill 10,000 Onagas...he only hoped Onaga wouldn't invite him to eat with him. It was a chance he had to take. Once the preperations were made he had some servents bring out the food. Onaga being as ravenous as he was and the respect he had from ally and foe alike knew no one would dare poison his food. Or so he thought. As soon as Onaga had finished his first course a searing pain shot through his entire body. He called for his advisor thinking Shao Kahn would come to his aid. Shao Kahn came over leisurely. He had a smile. Why was he smiling? "Now Outworld will be MINE!! Do not worry O "great" Onaga...the realms will be in the hands of a more competent ruler....MINE!" Shao Kahn then sat to watch the final shuddering movements of the once great Dragon King. Onaga's last thoughts were full of hatred and vegence. He would be back....somehow he would be back...he'd have his revenge against his conniving advisor. Although he had to admire his courage. No one had dared to try and kill Onaga...yet Kahn made the attempt and had succeeded. Still Khan would pay dearly.
With the Dragon King dead he yelled for the servants to dispose of the body. But first he made sure Onaga had no means of coming back....not while Shao Kahn was in charge. He had the body sealed in a crypt with no means of entry or exit. Kahn settled down into the large throne finding it rather comfortable. Just as he got settled one of the guards came to him and said he had a visitor asking to see him. "Let him come in." Kahn said somewhat arrogantly. Surely it wasn't a challenger. All the realm knew Kahn had put an end to Onaga. It would be foolish to challenge his position.
"The mighty Kahn defeats Onaga." The young man no older than 16 smiled wickedly. Shao Kahn's eyes narrowed at this brash young man. "I hope your parents won't mind paying for your funeral boy...because that is where you are headed if you don't tell me what this is about." Kahn growled. The boy merely smiled. "It was not an insult O' emperor...nor was it a challenge. For all the realms know you eliminated the mighty Onaga. They fear you now." He responded sincerely. Kahn relaxed and continued to listen to this boy. He may be useful Kahn would wait and see.
"Allow me to offer my allegence to such a powerful ruler. Long have I desired to serve you Shao Kahn and I ask only that you may grant my wish." The boy bowed low. Kahn was amused. "Granted." Kahn agreed. "But be forwarned boy....I do not tolorate failure!!" He added with a snarl. They boy nodded. "A reasonable request. Know that I will not fail you." He added. Kahn glared at the boy both amused and angered by his comment. "Your life will be forfeit if you fail me." He reminded the brash young man. "What is your name boy?" Kahn asked.
"My name? Oh forgive me my emperor.....my name is Tsang Tsung....and I am highly skilled in the black arts." Shao Kahn smiled. "Welcome then Tsang Tsung. You are now my chief advisor.
Tsang Tsung smiled to himself...everything was going exactly as he planned....

The end.

At 10/16/09 08:46 PM, BillyTh3Kid wrote: I hate being 13, you cant drive or fuck or do jack shit. are thare any states that let 13 year olds get liscenses to drive?

Driving: 13 year olds don't need to drive. Owning a car comes with a shitload of responsability. YOu have to pay for insurance, pay for maintenece, you have to buy the car (unless your parents are ncie enough to give you their old car if they get a new one or buy you one). You have to pay for the exams to show dmv that you are capable of safely operating a car....and if you fail those test not only are you out on the money..you have to wait a while before you take the tests again....

On fucking: 13 year olds are too young to fuck. Their have been stories of 13 year olds that have fucked and accidently gotten their girlfriends pregnant because they put the condom on wrong or they figured their jizz isn't able to get the girl prenant yet. They can get sexual diseases from their more sexually experienced girlfriends becuase they have the "it won't happen to me" mentality.

just enjoy being 13 dude. I wish I was 13 again...Yeah it sucked at times but it was also fun just being 13..hanging with my friends and just doing what a 13 year old kid does. I didnt have as much responsibilites as I do now. (just clean my room, feed may dog and cat, and put away my laundry.) yea I had my girlfriend back then but we wern't all gung ho lets fuck. (we still arn't) Its best just to wait until you are ready....if you rush it its going to be a big mistake and it won't be as enjoyable as it would be if you had waited.

I like my burger with bacon, lettuce, cheese, onion, mustard, and mayo.

How I eat it? Depending on the size....with my hands.

if I can't have my velociraptor I would want to have this...

ANYone who tried to FUCK with me would have his car eaten...
(or if there are any repo guys out there that need to have stuff repossessed you can use my rex)

Velociraptor.

Its supposed to come on Nov 6th (fantasy or what he would like to happen) supposedly Spongebob, Patrick, Krabs, and Squidward are all trapped in the Krabby Patty Resteraunt (I think that's the building) and they tell all their secrets. I highly doubt spondgebob and Sandy are going to get married....they are too different.)

but thn again you never know....

Im still gonna check the episode out and see.

At 10/11/09 12:41 PM, STEM wrote: You gave yourself an oxygen rush to the head. Similar to an 'elevator,' breathe heavily then have someone push your chest after you take one more deep breath. Pass out, coma time, never wake up, etc. I'm surprised anyone would want to try this :/

a friend of mine had me do this with a few friends. He had me squat, breathe deep for 10 secodns then take one final breath and he leaned into me for about 5 sec. Last thing I remembered was saying "Fuck! This ain't working"! I woke up on the floor, one friend pissed himself laughing so hard the other one was nearly on the ground laughing. (Luckily we thought about putting pillows on the ground to coushin the fall. I also learned something new that day...just before you pass out someone can put suggestive dreaming into your head and you will have the dream (or a variation) of what they suggested)

no it does not make you crap blood...

It makes you crap gold coins. Thats why I eat it everyday.

If you have someone let him outside when you are away at college then maybe he encountered a skunk.

Give him a bath and see if that does any good. (if a skunk got hold of him i heared that tomato juice works wonders but i don't think you want your dog to smell like tomatoes.)

its ok for guys to cry. It shows they have feelings and a heart. However it is understandlable if guys do not want to cry in front of friends. Its a macho thing. I for one cry everytime when Rocky's trainer Mickey (i forgot which Rocky) dies of a heart attack right before Rocky's big fight with Mr. T.

At 10/5/09 02:33 PM, poxpower wrote: So it's a goal for just about every country to make sure as many of the population as possible is literate. We do this because it produces educated workers and better citizens and is overall better for everyone.

If you suck in school, they will put you in a class to make you learn how to read. There are tutors, special classes and summer schools etc.

So I say: let's do that for fat kids. If you are a kid of X weight, then you spend your summer in fat camp. You get extra gym classes. You're gonna LOSE THE WEIGHT. With public healthcare, we can't afford all the fatties. And those people can't afford to be fat either. Free fat camp would save billions in the long run.

Let me know what you think ( i.e. how obviously right I am )

That depends if THEY WANT to loose the weight. If they don't want to then technically no one can make them. Fat Camps will only work if the person in question wants to loose weight and better themselves to being more healthy. If they don't want to and are happy the way they are then we shouldn't force them to go into a fat camp against their wishes.

At 10/8/09 04:07 PM, camobch0 wrote: OK, go fetch me some jews and I'll break out the scapels!

Let me start off by saying FUCK YOU, YOU STUPID CUNT!! What the FUCK is your problem?? Torturing people to death is not the funnest thing for the person being used. Freezing someone to death or slicing them alive isn't going to help us. A big part of the Mengele experiments were to study the use of poison gasses and liquids, and to sterilize men and women with radiation. The only useful tests were on twin children. Do you believe we should torture children to death for "science"?

Fuck you, you sick fucking piece of shit,

I agree. Thats fucked up. Have you seen Men Behind The Sun...(could also be known as Unit 731 experiments...you can find some info on that shit on youtube and whatnot.) what they did was fucking barbaric. I saw Men Behind The Sun and it is truely fucking sick. If we start "experimenting" on our own people like they did then we are no better than the ones that ran Unit 731 themselves.

Hahahaha.....

woman throws tantrum coz she missed her flight!!shit fit and a half