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Title: By Heresies Distressed
Series: Safehold
Author: David Weber
Genre: Science Fiction
ISBN: 978-076531503
Publication Date: 2009

Novel Plot Brief The new Empire of Charis makes its final preparations for, and with Emperor Cayleb leading it, commences its invasion of League of Corisande, starting with the peaceful conquest of Zebediah, the League's junior member. Prince Hektor Daykyn has been working in Corisande itself to prepare what he can for invasion. Meanwhile Empress Sharleyan is learning more about the Kingdom of Charis as she rules in Cayleb's stead as his co-ruler; those who are still loyal to the Church of God Awaiting within Charis plot against its rulers. The 'Group of Four' begins to order the needed navel power need to challenge Charis, and the Earl of Thrisk of the Kingdom of Dohlar, due to his experiences with Charis in the first campaign against it, advocates employing for the Church a number of the same articles that Charisians are introducing. Cayleb then launches his attack on Corisande proper, landing near the capital of Manchyr. The initial foothold and strategic battles are won, but as Sharleyan visits a convent near the Charisian capital of Tellesberg, she is nearly killed by Temple Loyalist Forces- until Merlin intervenes. He arrives just in time to save her, having travel by his advanced technology to reach her. The push to complete the Corisande campaign comes to ahead, as Cayleb deals with the fall out of Hektor's assassination by Temple Forces, when he attempts to start brokering peace, and Cayleb has the lords of Corisande set up a regency council for Hektor's underage son, Daivyn, who fled the country in secret to the Kingdom of Delferahk. Cayleb joins Sharelyan in Chisholm, the Circle continues to deal with the need to take the opportunity to reform the Church of God Awaiting and keeping themselves from getting the Grand Inquisitor's wrath; the 'Group of Four' begins it next phase of operations, realizing a few mistakes they've made in ordering the wrong ship types for the upcoming, but undeclared as of yet, Holy War.

Review: One of Weber's major themes is the fact of faith can be blinding. There are two good examples in this novel, Sharelyan's Uncle Byrtyn Waistyn, Duke of Halbrook Hallow and Mylz Halcom, the leader of Charis' Temple Loyalist militaristic faction since the Schism. Hallbrook Hallow, though supportive of his niece, feels that any alliance with Charis could only lead to Chisholm's destruction. He feels that any sort of rebellion against the Church of God Awaiting would lead to a degradation of society, the loss of obedience to the world's temporal princes, and just cause for the concern of people's souls.

However, Halbrook Hallow is (not so ironically) killed by Halcom and his associates during the soon failed convent raid. Halcom, as with Hallowbrook Hallow, utterly believes in the Church of God Awaiting, and will do anything to restore Charis to where 'it needs to be.' This takes the road of violence, murder and destruction. Halcom believes that the will of God must triumph over the schism of Charis, and in his thirst to get Charis back into its place, meets his own death at the hands of Merlin, while saying that Merlin's statements about the Church of God Awaiting will fall are blasphemy.

Another of Weber's themes is the relations between people. Regardless of station or origin, how people interact shows the human sides of these characters. A prime example is that of Sharleyan and her personal bodyguard, Edwyrd Seahamper. They are close- like family- and trust each other to keep an eye on the other, which is more so for Seahamper, who would have given his life to protect his monarch if Merlin had not arrived barley in time. But Seahamper also proves that we are all human, and we face an unknown future in which we might not survive a planned assult when its least expected.

Another set of relationships is that between Irys Daykyn, her father Hektor and Hektor's spymaster, Earl Coris. Hektor essentially raised his daughter to be strong, even though Corisandian law forbids women ascending to the throne, as is the case in Chisholm. But he wants her to be in a place when she can be happy in life, even if it might me doing unpleasant things. Irys makes sure her father and older brother (who's heir to the throne until he and his father are murdered) are at their best, as she knows much of what she can know that's going on in the world. When it comes to the professional and relationships Earl Coris and Irys have, it is much like the ones between Irys and Hektor, with intelligence, evaluation and caring.

Up next is A Mighty Fortress.

Write what you know is something I'd recommend- ie, if you've traveled extensively, use that experience. Research material you don't understand well enough if you want to include it- if you want to write about medicine, ask your doctor or a nurse you know a few questions about the medical field. The best thing I could probably recommend is if you can't do either of those and get a good story, wing it and create your own world.

Title: By Schism Rent Asunder
Series: Safehold
Author: David Weber
Genre: Science Fiction
ISBN: 978-0-7653-1501-4
Publication Date: 2008

Novel Plot Brief: King Cayleb Ahrmark and Archbishop Maikel Staynair have separated the Kingdom of Charis, politically and religiously, from the Church of God Awaiting. Cayleb deals with the political matters of a marriage of state with Sharleyan Tayt, Queen of Chisholm, an attack on his citizens and their ships in a Church-supported port, and the inclusion of the Princedom of Emerald, ruled by Nahrmahn Baytz, into the new Empire of Charis. Together, Cayleb and Sharleyan decide to invade a mutual enemy, the League of Corisande, ruled by Hektor Daykyn. Meanwhile, Archbishop Staynair deals with some Church related issues, including several revelations to Merlin Athrawes. Merlin has continued to help put innovation into Charisian society, and has a few other personal issues. As to the Church of God Awaiting, they begin to start their retaliation procedures, as ordered by the 'Group of Four,' who are also unaware of some of their own seeking reform within the Church, which is the cause of the schism with Charis.

Review: Weber has enhanced his initial telling of the Safehold Saga from the previous novel. He has introduced new and previously mentioned characters, as well as developed known characters. The intricacy effects of the two major sides' choices and decisions shows how interwoven the processes of their conflict show different extremes. In the case of the Church of God Awaiting, it is religious furor, the desire to suppress heresy and keep new innovations from cropping up. For Charis, it is the defense of its people, the separation of itself from the Church's corruption and the need show these efforts are not to make itself the new church.

Weber shows how that there is hope within dark corruption. In contrast to most of the Church leadership, there are those of The Circle- a small group of Church vicars, archbishops, bishops and priests who seek to address Church problems- led by brothers Samyl and Hauwerd Wylsynn, both vicars. While both have been apart of the system in some way, they seek to reform the Church of God Awaiting, as to address the ills they personally know plague the Church. But they operate in secret, so they have to wait until such a time presents itself to actively start addressing problems.

Weber presents a good clash of military technology, as the Charisians use what they've developed against Church forces. They use what they learned in developing or improving technology and tactics to decisively beat those who have attacked them. But at the same time, the same military is having to adapt to situations they have never faced, and the need to have the leadership seek solutions.

Personally, I feel that Weber addresses the release of certain knowledge one individual may possess. The fact that Archbishop Staynair knew who Merlin really was before revealing the truth to Merlin reflects Merlin's own internal conflict of sharing of certain knowledge. Merlin wants to share what he knows about Safehold with Cayleb, but realizes it might destroy the very person her needs to succeed in order to life Safehold out of its oppression. Weber, however, offers Merlin the channel of Staynair and a select group of others who know of the Terran Federation through a secret means (this being a Church-based system) to help inform Cayleb of the truth. Weber stresses (in his own way) that knowledge can be both helpful and deadly.

While this novel does build upon Off Armageddon Reef, I feel that Weber could have explained upon the status of The Circle, and given more examples/descriptions of the ChurchâEUTMs corruption. For Charis, I feel that there should have been a bit more internal conflict; it isnâEUTMt to say there is with the presence of troublesome Temple Loyalists and the revelation of MerlinâEUTMs knowledge to Cayleb, amongst others, isnâEUTMt problematic but the more of internal problems would have made the novel a little better.

Though I'm now several novels into it, I figured I'd review the first book in the series I'm currently reading.

Title: Off Armageddon Reef
Series: Safehold
Author: David Weber
Genre: Science Fiction
ISBN: 0-7653-1500-9
Publication Date: 2007

Novel Plot Brief: Humanity has been forced into hiding after almost being annihilated by the aggressive alien species, the Gbaba. Renouncing high level technology to survive, humanity is locked in a pre-electric society on the planet Safehold that is reinforced by the false religion imposed by the colony's command crew. However, a few of the command crew's own know that they should follow what was the colony's original goals, and not those of the expedition's administrator and chief psychologist of forbidding innovation. Nine hundred years later, Merlin Athrawes- who knows of the Gbaba threat- arrives in the Kingdom of Charis, a place where the command crew's plan is starting to ever so slightly break down faster than in other places, and here, he starts the process of innovation taking full steam, much against the wishes of the leaders of the faith that dominates the world of Safehold with an iron fist. The resulting turmoil begins the process of wonder about the future of humanity.

Review: David Weber shows how much of a masterful writer he is in creating this series. He creates a believable story, with reason behind it, from the technology of his starships to the principles and overviews of Safeholdian society. He rarely wastes space with trivial information: there is material and details are reverent to create a better understanding of characters, thoughts and perceptions, plot, geography, politics, military features, functions and operations, religious ideologies and processes. The plot development Weber employs sucks the reader in- it makes you want to read faster, read more about what's happening in the story.

This story is character driven, with choice also being a key point. There are in some cases of complete contrast of character, as Weber's basic character formula premise is to have the good guys take responsibility, and the bad guys don't. Such an example is Charis' King Haarahld VII Ahrmahk and Grand Inquisitor of the Church of God Awaiting Zhaspahr Clyntahn. Haarahld VII takes the needed efforts to rule his kingdom fairly, making sure everyone has a chance to do what they feel is needed of them. He even dies in a navel engagement to defend his lands against the fleets that Clyntahn sends. Clyntahn, on the other hand, does not take responsibility by blaming others for mistakes he is directly responsible for and criticizing others for there actions, such as blaming the Archbishop of Charis for allowing the excessive innovation when he and his staff deemed it was not too inventive, as he fears it will be his and the Church's undoing. Haarahld chooses to die defending his kingdom, while Clyntahn chooses not to allow Charis' rulers explain themselves.

The development of technology is a key factor. One such example such as the development of flintlocks that Merlin spurs from the recently redeveloped matchlocks some decades earlier, is a means of propagating the story- especially in contrast to the Church of God Awaiting's orders that nothing beyond what can be powered by muscle, wind or water be allowed to exist. Yet, the very mission of the Church of God Awaiting is now beginning to erode, because, in part, of its increasing corruption.

One of Weber's major themes is that of the two sides of religion: that it can be good, that it can be bad. On the good side of the coin: the Church helps protect humanity from being immediately rediscovered by the Gbaba, which would have thus extinguished humanity from the cosmos. It creates a sense of planetary unity and communication in a world where it can take up to months for messages to be transmitted. The church gives people something to hold in their hearts, to believe in, with direct accounts of those who were 'made' on the Day of Creation and interacts with those of the colony command crew, known as 'The Archangels.' On the bad side of the coin: the anti-tech stance of most of the command crew, while in some ways 'beneficial,' is ultimately detrimental to the survival of the human race, as the undefeated Gbaba still roam the cosmos. The anti-tech stance of the Church in keeping with its 'doctrine' has lead to its corruption. Its leadership- most notably the 'Group of Four' and other church leaders, trade favors, money, barters laws to its advantage, fails to help those in and suppresses what it deems as heresy. It is this need to keep places, like Charis, in place because they threaten what is perceived as the Church's original mission to keep the status quo.

I know I haven't covered everything pertaining to this novel, but I covered what I felt were a number of key points the novel possesses. It's a very good novel series.

My next review: By Schism Rent Asunder.

At 3/12/13 08:04 PM, Travis wrote: If you threaten world powers with massive influence with nukes, then your agenda is going to get shut down.

I do wonder, though, if North Korea might collapse from within. It would seem to be unlikely, at present, with a civilian revolt but if someone in the Korean People's Army (North Korean Military) were to be disgraced, that might set off a chain reaction that would lead to a lot of trouble.

At 3/11/13 08:12 PM, Scarface wrote:
I have a feeling (though I recognize the alliance between China and North Korea) even China would take action against North Korea if they started a war

I think Beijing would take some sort of action to talk to Pyongyang. I'm still a little weary, however, about any modern conflict on the Korean Peninsula (or anywhere in the world) that could involve nukes. It's my hope that the folks in Pyongyang will realize that trying to go back to war will do more harm than good.

At 3/11/13 10:46 PM, Travis wrote:
Not only that, but I also think China is smart enough to realize that a nuclear war has the potential to be the end of humans.

I think that Beijing's in a position to realize how much their own arsenal could cause problems- they have signed some of the nuclear treaties of the last fifteen-twenty years. What's more, both North Korea and China have declared a no-first-use stance- they would retaliate with nukes ONLY if they were attacked with nukes by another power. Makes me wonder how much Pyongyang has its own internal denial complex- not giving regard for anything but the advancement of its own agenda.

Sigh... Its not hard to believe that there are those in North Korea who are trying to get the Korean War heated back up. I wonder how much the North Koreans realize how much they're flirting with danger by continuing to expand their nuclear (and general military) arsenal- even a few nuclear bombs in a localized area could really be devastating- and pursing other ambitions, all while defying even the advice of their best ally, China, to back down some from such pursuits. I highly doubt they would comply with further global demands to stop their nuclear program, until/unless they could get a more practical deal in order to reduce the current wave of tensions.

That should read Vanocka, pronounced Von-ich-ka

At 3/8/13 11:05 PM, Blue-SilverDragon wrote: Got several fav foods:

VÃf¡noÃ"ka (Czech Christmas bread)
Mushrooms Florentine (Big- about palm sized- mushroom caps stuffed with spinach, onions and the mushroom stems and cheese sprinkled over)
Duck
Lamb
Steak

Got several fav foods:

VánoÄka (Czech Christmas bread)
Mushrooms Florentine (Big- about palm sized- mushroom caps stuffed with spinach, onions and the mushroom stems and cheese sprinkled over)
Duck
Lamb
Steak

I know I've already placed a few comments on this thread, but I thought I'd finally go about more formally introducing myself.

As a kid, I liked hearing stories and seeing movies; my parents really encouraged me to read. While I must admit I haven't read everything I should have read, classics such as Oliver Twist or some of the more popular contemporary pieces, I like following authors who write good stories. History has also been of a bit of interest to me, coupled with documentary programs which make me curious about the subject matter and want to read about other places/things/people. After writing some fan fics of the TV show M*A*S*H about eight or nine years ago, now long since discarded, I embarked on my own project, which is still in the works. I found writing very appreciable, even when its hard to designate the effort for writing, whether due to lack of enthusiasm, time or for other reasons.

Ehhh... this character description doesn't seem well rounded enough, doesn't seem quite right. This character needs more broadening, more development and more realism, etc.

For a brief, you seem to have presented a decent amount of material to help explain what you're wanting to create.

I'd have like to have known a bit more about the basic outline of Drake and Knuckles adventures that (I presume) leads to Earth joining the UPMW after the needed allotment of time. I'd compare Knuckles' and Drake's stories (the former's needs some more info)- how similar or different are they? What qualities allow them to cooperate and what others drive them apart? How does teaming up effect them? Etc. Don't be afraid to use pain and suffering for both protagonists to help further advance the plot, for joy and happiness can as well do the same thing. Knowing how different they are can really drive the story.

I'd also create an effective and plausible history for UPMW and Ominous, so you can compare them to the needed history you're developing for Earth, to help create the needed environments for the duo's adventures. This history is going to effect how you set up the material you tell in the needed timelines. Create several different versions of the same story arc if possible, and choose the one that seems best, or parts of several arcs to create a new one if a satisfactory one fails to exist.

I'd say try some experimenting- perhaps splitting what you have into stanzas, adding/subtracting material. I do get the essence of the article, but it needs a bit more work

At 2/12/13 09:43 PM, Snowfang wrote: In a few sentences: Seven years after the Mech Wars that divided up the world, one of the major empires begins pressing into one of the smaller countries it already has partially under its control. A group of rebellious teens get a hold of a powerful set of Mechs that they use to defend their country from the invaders.

If you're really intent on following this sort of story line, always make sure there's reason for the group to defend their country. Of course a story about overthrowing oppressors can be one thing for one to dive into, but you have to make it personal- the team has to have more than just taking on the bad guys. For example, let the group loose some or all of their good friends, family members, etc that make this group rebellious enough in order to challenge the oppressors, even if they were rebellious before the event that made them take on the oppressing powers.

At 2/12/13 06:10 PM, Toogorax wrote: Its going to be Bro vs Bro in the end, but i want the story to be about the younger brother being stuck in the possition of needing the gloves to save his brother, yet having the souls torment him to set them free. Doing tso would render the gloves useless, but the "curse" of owning the gloves will be removed. also, im writing it in a modern time line, more like a not-so-distant-future story with a tiny hint of magic.

Sounds like you got the plot planned out reasonably good. Keep working at it, and you'd have a good novel.

At 2/7/13 02:47 PM, Toogorax wrote: I've started writing this small story a while ago, and im well into it, (about 30 pages), but im stuck when it comes to coming up with a name. The story is about a kid who's brother was a master thief. His brother winds up taken away by the military, but not before he gives his younger brother his special thief gloves. If anyone has a good name for the brothers, or even what kind of villain they should encounter, give me a heads up! Here's to the internet!

I'd look into relevant stories that involve sibling vs sibling, hero vs thief, magic, epic histories, etc to see what you could find in character names, as well as plot devices and other literary material you might want to use for your own story.

Firstly; break it up. As you don't want to include long lengths of dialogue and description/action in paragraphs, especially lengthy ones. It makes things easier to read, (ie, allows better tracking of who's speaking or what action is going on), allows you to better find and refine the pacing of the material you've written, see what is happening in character development etc. For example:
âEUoeI donâEUTMt fucking need you! I donâEUTMt need fucking anyone! IâEUTMm good! You see me man? IâEUTMm fucking good!âEU [Break]
I plopped down on the curb and watched Eric give me the bird as he walked into the distance. [Break]
I sighed and realized that IâEUTMd just lost my best and pretty much only friend from since I could remember. I looked over the apartment building to my left and at the setting sun mixed with its rich pollutants and thought. [Break]
[Rest of the prose]

Secondly; capitalization, word redundancy and grammar. A few spots had you forgetting capitalization, such as for the start of dialogue. As to word redundancy, while it might be true in real life, sometimes in a piece of prose, you might find the need to cut down the use of a particular word within a certain time-frame of that prose. Grammar- make sure you have a standard sentence structure, ie, a noun/pronoun with a verb, independent and dependent clauses, etc, to avoid having fragment sentences.

Thirdly, title and details. Make sure you have a title, even if its just a working title- I was curious on the title of this story. Make sure you include details that will enhance the story. You've got some good ones, but I'd recommend putting in a few more so the reader can better understand the story. Don't be afraid to remove details either, if they slow down the prose's story or make it more complicated than it needs to be.

Seems that you've latched onto something that's important to you, so follow this lead you've started on. Work on it and you'll get a good piece of prose.

I agree with Ragnarokia in that choosing a name to go with the personality/traits that you want the character to have or embody. You also want to make sure that when choosing a name, its one that the needs to help carry the story. If you need to change a character's name for whatever reason, make sure its justifiable reason (ie, the original name chosen is not living up to the work being composed) for the need to change to a more fitting name.

At 2/4/13 08:49 AM, CaptainCornhole wrote: This is gonna be brief cause I am about ready to leave for work, so I will put more detail into a later post. Anyhow the main character for this story I'm working on, is a character I want the readers to empathize with. To sum things up she doesn't function very well in normal everyday society, this is due in part to her shyness/social awkwardness/public homophobia. So basically in the story we are at the point where she wants to get away from it. And from there I plan on having her past experience shape her character in relation to her current setting.

Question is how do I build sympathy for her w/o making her into a Marry-Sue?

I'd try writing a lot of material- different angles, different levels of knowledge, etc, to build up a log of possible material to use. I'd find which entries would seem to work and try plugging them in; I'd also do more research on the subjects you've indicated to see what's going in give it a more creditable standing.

Awesome! Can't wait to see what comes up in the future lit portal.

At 1/15/13 09:28 PM, WritersBlock wrote:

At 1/11/13 10:27 PM, Blue-SilverDragon wrote:

At 1/9/13 11:02 PM, WritersBlock wrote: Hey dudes. It's been a long time since my last visit. It's good to see there's still a small group of core members checking in on this forum from time to time.

I thought I should drop in and let you guys know I had my first book published in November. It was done through a small publisher in Portland, Oregon that I'd been following for the past couple of years. The book is called House Hunter, and it's up on Amazon (for Americans), Amazon UK (for British/European folks), and Book Depository (for everyone else).

Just wanted to say congrats. Been trying sending some of my own poetry/short story submissions to a few mags, but not as much luck as of yet. I know I need to do some more plugging; but been I've busy with several projects larely.

Getting published is pretty much a matter of having the right material for the right publisher. I find it's good to keep busy with multiple projects, because if one story doesn't make an editor's cut, you can put it aside and focus on something else. Of course, it helps to keep a few stories aside until you find the right publisher/magazine. And it helps if you're familiar with the magazine and the editor. It's a huge help if you know what the editor is looking for in a submission. Write up a shit-storm, polish it up as much as you can, and try to find a home for it. Even if you don't get a story accepted right away, you may get a personalised rejection, which means your story was good, but not what they're looking for. The main thing is that you put in the time and effort, not only towards writing and editing your work, but also to scouting out the market and figuring out exactly what your place is within that market. Good luck! :)

I understand- I haven't been doing as much scouting of publishers lately as I need to be doing. This is partly because of me wanting to getting several of my projects that I'm attending to right now to the point where I'm satisfied enough with them in context, character development, plot, etc to start looking for a publisher. I have submitted to a few mags in the past, and not as many as I need to of course, but what I have submitted to has been rejected. I still know that I'm going be rejected until I find the right place and time for my work. And with some personal experience as an editor for my university's annual lit mag, I have a better- if not wholly complete- understanding of what a mag's (or any publisher's) editorial team goes through.

You have something here worth working on. One thing I saw while looking it over: you use different systems of length measurement (meters and feet/inches). If possible, I'd try to use just one system or the other, unless you're deliberately showing a period of measure transition, which then would help explain the different measures. You also might want to develop your own system of measures, not just length. I also agree with Pirakaboss in that, with what you have presented, you might need to do some word play around certain subjects. I'd also recommend you think about how your story's past to help better explain the current story- develop additional material for the story, even if you don't use as much of the material that you develop in the actual tale itself.

At 1/9/13 11:02 PM, WritersBlock wrote: Hey dudes. It's been a long time since my last visit. It's good to see there's still a small group of core members checking in on this forum from time to time.

I thought I should drop in and let you guys know I had my first book published in November. It was done through a small publisher in Portland, Oregon that I'd been following for the past couple of years. The book is called House Hunter, and it's up on Amazon (for Americans), Amazon UK (for British/European folks), and Book Depository (for everyone else).

Just wanted to say congrats. Been trying sending some of my own poetry/short story submissions to a few mags, but not as much luck as of yet. I know I need to do some more plugging; but been I've busy with several projects larely.

I want a President who will work for the good of the nation- find a way to balance the needs of what all US citizens have voiced as to what they want out of their Preisdent and elected officials in Congress, as well as be good at foreign policy, helping to mediate problems currently faced and those that arise in the future.

I would agree with Deathcon7 insofar as trying to introduce some sort of conflict in the beginning. Conflict can obviously take many forms- with self, others, etc. Find that way to make conflict(s) for your characters touch your reader in some fashion. I understand that its difficult at times to get conflict going right away in any writing; I've had to deal with this problem myself, going through at least several drafts.

Try experimenting with trouble scenes/trouble material that you want to include, but aren't satisfied with and rewrite them. If you find bits you like of those varied writings, segregate them off somewhere until you feel that you have enough to try an attempt something with them, either collectively or individually; you might get something you never thought of before and that might help you get the initial bout of conflict you need. But if it's too much grief, try starting over with the base concept; rework it if needed.

I would add between 'More seconds of silence, the board members all stare at him.' and 'Slowly smiles creep onto their faces.' another line for the presenter talking about a few more, short details in the game, ones that would make the cuttign to the person holding the game who shoots him/herself more believable.

I didn't start following Edd until last year. Since hsi death, I've gone back to watch a number of his toons- he had a certain way with stories and animations. I really enjoyed the simplicity of his animation style and his stories were very human- meant to connect with everyone. Edd didn't die in vain, as his cartoons should inspire others to follow his lead.

Randy is one of the first artists I started following- especially his Rise of the Mushroom Kingdom series. I pray that others will be inspired by him so his memory will live on.