Newgrounds.com — Everything, By Everyone.

I understand, but a good pointer everyonce in a while makes it a tad bit easier.

At 2/21/11 03:20 PM, Otto wrote:

:just work on getting the line thicknesses in the right places. Thinner lines on detail etc,

What are the right places? where should i make lines thicker and thinner?

heres another. Midi

Pt1: Cont'd

Agito woke up in the mucky feild, his back on the slimy limestone wall that had fallen over an eon ago. The sun was out now, reflecting off of the water pooled on the ground making Agito's vision bright and sparkly everwhere he looked. He stood up and tore his blade from the mud, and wiped the blade on a stone slab to remove it of mud.

Agito's path was a dark brown mud with banks of three foot grass on both sides. A bit forward was a small village, barely considered a town. He continued to slug towards the log buildings and center fountain. The village was quiet, a few people bustled from a an Inn. The inn sounded like a good idea, warm bed, food, drink, and all at the expense of the dead soldiers.

Upon entering he saw a illustrious dressed fellow sitting at the bar, pondering at Agito as if he knew him. "Nasty work you did out there..." The man said, swishing the fig seed in his wine glass around.
"What? What are you-"
"Oh don't act like you're not proud, taking down a half a squad of Cardinal soldiers without losing a drop. Have you ever, killed some one because someone else told you?"
Agito stopped at the bar, listening to the man's speech. Of course i've killed some one for some one else, he thought.
"How much do you charge?" The man asked, setting a sac of coins on the oak table.
"Whats the work?" Agito asked, sitting down on the stool. He had begin to contemplate taking the bag and bailing. Agito knew that to be a bad idea, because there probably wasn't another town for miles.
"I want you to kill a very important cardinal officer."
"How important?"
"A Colonel, Wilheim Vaiturshmit."
Agito couldn't help but let a grin escape, "A Colonel? How much are you offering."
"Five hundred of the kings gold. Thats enough for you to retire."
Retire... That word inticed Agito.
"So?" The man said standing up, do we have a deal?
"Yeah, sure... Mr?"
"I'm a man of many names, but you can call me Mephistopholes."

(At least I hope it will be.)
This is a thread for users to put up there song lyrics for critic. Please specify the royalties of the lyrics with your post.

Genre:
Title:
Lyrics:
^ Like this

Ill start.

Metal
Roar of Anger

Let your anger rip open the gates of hell itself,
and let them know what true pain is like!

Down trodden bodies lie
Under a war sung sky
Hear my battle cry
Sing the devils' lullaby

I will never surrender
Hear my Roar of Anger!

Grab your arms
Aim towards the sky
Vilify!

Bleed the fool
Feed the rats
Horrify the cruel!

March on blood packed dirt
Taje them of their worth
We will never surrender
HEAR OUR ROAR OF ANGER!

ROAR!

Hear our battle cry
Become the man
Who slayed the sky
Scream our battle cry

Roar!

Show them your anger, SCREAM!, SPLIT OPEN THE SKY! Shatter the bones of the otherside and shout out your fearsome battle cry.

ROAR!
ROAR!
ROAR!
SHOW ME YOUR BATTLE CRY!

At 2/19/11 10:37 PM, tinytim12 wrote:

Agito noticed a strange, decrepet aura to the man.

If you want to establish the old man's power, you'd better show instead of tell. Describe Agito's feelings, like maybe he felt frightened for no reason, or whatever. Or describe something that was off about the old man, like maybe the grass was yellow where he stood, y'know?

Also I find it strange that Agito, after behaving like a jerk, suddenly decides to help the old man out like a good samaritan.

Thats something the old man is going to enlighten in the future. Agito isn't afraid of him, just confused. I can add that even though he doesn't speak latin that he understood him.

I apologize for the weird parahraphing, i made it on notepad so its all weird.

Im going to start posting chapters of my writing here.

Southern Cross Pt:1 Cobblestone Brawl.

Agito slid backwards against the cobble stone road. The slippery stones were like ice under his boots.
His gold and black eyes scanned the situation; a pair of crusader like soldiers with a red hawk on their
blocked the front of his path. Behind him stood a large frenchman weilding a halberd and clad in heavy armor.
The beserker sized man behind he roared out as he swung, his swing stopped short by a long cumbersome hollow blade
that seemed to his as the wind passed through it. Agito held the sword steady against the large mans weapon,
wondering the next move of the two crusaders. One of them spoke in a broken latin that Agito didn't understand,
or at least he assumed it to be latin. The crusader on the left charged madly at him, his iron sheild infront of him
like a battering ram. Agito used the wet cobbles under him to slip down on his back. The crusader tripped over him and
landed heavily on his side. Cursing and bruised the soldier rolled on the wet rocky path. Thunder clashed overhead as Agito
back up, spinning in the air and driving his blade into the beserker's skull. With a swift crunch the massive man fell over
on his comrade.

The last man stood in horror as Agito turned to him, his sword hoisted over his shoulder. Agito gave him a challenging
nod, offering the man an untimely death should he chose to attack. The soldier dropped his sheild and sword and dropped
to his knees, and began begging in the broken latin his fellow crusader's spoke. Agito reached into his pocket and pulled
out a coin, and show'd it to man. With his finger he gestured him to give him all of his money. The solider shakily rached into his
armor and pulled out a sack, as he sobbed he handed it to Agito. Agito then pointed to his left ring finger, and the man
began shaking his head as he sobbed harder. Agito struck his sword down into the man's hand, and he began to scream.
Agito knelt down and examined the man's fingers, and took the golden ring around the man's left ring finger.
"Ubi nunc Deus vester?" Agito said as he lifted the man with his sword then drove his flailing body into the side of a building.

Agito sat under a delapitated house with his newly obtained wealth. Staring out into the rain and muck he saw a man on a cart.
Agito noticed a strange, decrepet aura to the man. The man's cart began to wobble, then one of the wheels came out from under it.
The man lept from the cart and tried to pick up the wheel. The man was too weak and feeble to lift the wheel.
The man pondered and gazed at the rain, then eerily turned his head to Agito. "Ueniat," the man said gesturing Agito
towards the cart.
Agito cautiously approached the man and looked at him. He was short, his skin pale to a point it was almost purple.
Agito looked in the cart and saw nothing but rice, so there was no reason to rob him. Agito helped the man put the wheel
back on the cart.
As Agito was knelt, the man put his hand on Agito's forehead and tilted his hat back, showing his dead white hair.
"Unda Sicut fulgur gladium meum capiam ultionem hostibus meis, et ego retribuam obducto qui me.
Kyrie exaltas me dextera tua et arbitraris me in sanctos tuos." The man took his seat at the top of the cart and rode off,
almost dissapearing into the rain filled night. Agito was left there in a daze, he didn't understand the man, but he felt him. A dark, judging presence that also seemed to guide him.

That would be a good idea. Actually Apoca, the speaker had adopted a protoge' that he claimed to Agito that he 'loved'. Agito made a comment against him, as Apoca had normally had no care for what lived around him. Apoca was the kind of person that would salt a snail because he knew he could.

"Of course I can love, what a silly statement. Any man no matter how cold feels love. I love what i do, i love ending what has begun...be it a life or an ideal. Actually, my dear sibling i believe its you that cannot love. You fight for a living yet you despise bringing the lambs to slaughter. You cannot even love yourself as a warrior, you cannot even love me. You cannot love me because you think I am the atrocity. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder Agito. Maybe you need to stop hating people for what they have done and begin loving them for what they haven't done."
~An excerpt from my writing "Southern Cross"

At 2/11/11 01:47 AM, PainasaurusRex wrote: It's was okay.

What I think is all opinion, either ignore it or take it to heart:

No one has so little attachment to a home that they'll up and leave it immediatly. He should have to part with it in some way. Also, wouldn't you try to figure out what killed your life blood? Finally, science. Fish are good for you, but also high in mercury, having an only seafood diet, especially fish that either eat other fish or are bottom feeders. Mercury poisoning can cause delerium and insanity. Something to take into account when working on this. Also, Fish don't care all of the necessary nutrients that are required for humans. Also, how he gets water should be explained since the water all around him would be salt water. Just somethings to think about. Try putting yourself in his position and think about what it would be like for you. What would you do?

Later he explains about 'distillation' and he doest become delerious. He talks to a squid. The squid asserts to him that.
@ the other guy whos username i forgot. The change in scenery will become whimsicall-er again. Its hard to be happy in a swamp. (Im not sure about the flapjack thing though, you might be right.)

Hope this helps, cool idea though :D

At one point at sea a squid is going to wash up on his boat claiming to be a halucination named Jeff. He's going to give him a bit of insight then claim it was all in Jason's head.

Actually dude i can see this becoming a pretty rad nu metal song. Im in a band i don't think they'd mind writing a instrumental for it. Could we?

"Behind the mask", Beast in me is too over rated. He's not trying to bury something inside him hes just covering it up. Also mask is in the lyrics.

The main character's name is Jason. Jason is a twenty year old living in an post apocalyptic world that has flooded over. He now lives on the top of Capitol Records, in Los Angeles, CA. Jason spends his day fishing, exercising and scavenging underwater with his breather. He uses fish for everything. He cleans himself with fish guts, washes his clothes with fish oil and scales, he even shaves and cuts his hair with fish.

One day he goes underwater to scavenge, and when he returns all of the fish are dead around his 'roost' for about a mile on each side and what seems to be an endless line bak and forth.

Jason: What? WHAT?
Mother fuck! *Kicks over a bucket of fish heads*
Jason begins to panick and hyperventilate.

Jason: Fuck man, how the shit? *At this point he is completely staggered, he picks up a fish and cuts it open, the insides run out in a green fluild*
Jason: Damnit, how'd this happen? WHO KILLED MY FISH! *He said as he slammed the carcass on the ground, making a splatter.
Jason: I gotto get out of here, i got to...just move.
I guess i gotta go back

So jason hops on the emergency boat and begins to sail back east. To one of the only 'dry' places remaining, The Sierra Marshlands.

(When Jason arrives)
Jason: Ugh, dry must be a relative term.
Damn, has it always been this mushy?
Among walking through the marsh, Jason is alarmingly stopped by a couple of pairs of red lights.
????: Suru ba ket?
Jason's eyesbrows raises: Be ora herano
????: Surus ba ket pos?
Jason: Yest
????: Jason?
Jason: Mystery eyeball lights?
The shadows emerged, men in full suit of armor strapped with tubes and gas mask like helmets. The eye lenses glowing red.
Jason: Since when did we start speaking Banshee?
????: Only soldiers speak it, Jay. What brings you back 'home'?
Jason: Freak ecological colapse, what about you? What brings you to this part of the swamp, herano?
????: Highblade said some one was in the marsh that hadn't been in it for a while, so we assumed it was you. Better safe than sorry.
Jason: So, names?
????: Sludge, im the leader of the scouts. *He gestured to his men*
Jason: How'd you know my name, Sludge?
Sludge: You're mother came back after you left.

Im down with brian, have the Pro freak out a bit more. Panicking about the smell and disease of the dumpster then once they wander a bit notice everyones gone. Trust me, you can't make a good judgement of the situation around you from a dumpster.

I've tried.

When it doesn't rhyme it irritates me, buts thats just me. Discriptive language wise i give it a 2.6/5, because you said intrails instead of guts.

Bottomless Pit

Go!

Musics Playing
People Gathering
Teeth are flying
Noses breaking
Broken arms
Bruised shoulder
Bleeding ears
It's never over

Try to survive
The bottomless pit
Strangers lock eyes
Come one motherfucker this is it!

Faces bleeding
People Screaming
Teeth are grinding
Bones are snapping
Pounding bass
Ringing ears
An elbow in your face

-solo time-

BOTTOMLESS PIT!

Adrenaline in your veins
Elbows in your face
Cannot feel the pain
Blood flying in the air
All over the place
Go on go ahead
Feel the rush

Go on go ahead
This is it

Go on go ahead
Give a push

JUMP ON IN
TO THE BOTTOMLESS PIT!

Teeth
Breaking
Grinding
Bones
Snapping
Twisting
Faces
Bleeding
Bruising

Pounding bass
In your face
This is it
THE BOTTOMLESS PIT!

I don't want to have people to have to wade through all the old art. Ive got all of the art on a drive and i can see the improvement myself, i dont want the thread to rise up,...i want it to die.

To the mods: Please do not lock this thread, lock my OTHER one. This is a thread that will only have my recent work on it. I have adopted to techniques and i want some feed back on them.

Hello, i just wanted some critique and opinions on my work. It's a new story i'm writing. I have a finished novel if anyone is interested.

Southern Cross

"No one listens, everyone one fights." Apoca whispered as he stood over Agito's half dead body.
"Always fighting never listening."
Agito looked up at his step-brother, his glowing eyes penetrating the darkness of the cold German cobble stone road.
"They never listen to each other." Apoca said as gazed at the street full of corpses.
"They only listen to the clergy. They listen to god."
Agito gripped the ground, trying to rise from the wet path.
"But what kind of god would let his creation kill it self? Why doesn't he say something? Why doesn't he tell us the truth?"
Apoca said as he spread his arms to the air, tilting his head back as thunder roared in the distance.

"MAYBE THERE IS NO GOD! MAYBE WE'VE BEEN LIED TO OUR ENTIRE LIVES!" Apoca yelled to the air, lightning passed through the heavens as his voice ripped through the streets.
Agito's breath was heavy, his fingers numb from loss of blood, the gash on his chest as open as a church door.
"People crave answers, but are you satisfied if the answers are wrong? How do you know something is wrong if everyone says its right?"
Agito looked at his step brother as the rain started to pour down from above.
Apoca looked down at him and smiled, "Brother, it starts with the world being round, then the world revolving around the sun."
"Then piece by piece, the Clergy loses control."

At 1/29/11 11:14 PM, ImpendingRiot wrote: Something I've observed as I've gotten older is a lot of the most beneficial "how to draw" books aren't "how to draw" at all, they're just art books from games or movies.

The Art of the Wall-E and The Art of Halo 2 are some I have, just as examples. They don't teach you how to draw necessarily, but they're incredibly inspirational which is a huge asset.

Avoid the How To Draw Manga series and anything by Christopher Hart.

I'm sure there's some exceptions, but for the most part those books tend to just be cash cows.

I cant stand Christopher Hart. He's not even a Manga artist. If you are looking into manga i suggest the 'Monster book of Manga' series.

Hello, i just wanted some critique and opinions on my work. It's a new story i'm writing. I have a finished novel if anyone is interested.

Southern Cross

"No one listens, everyone one fights." Apoca whispered as he stood over Agito's half dead body.
"Always fighting never listening."
Agito looked up at his step-brother, his glowing eyes penetrating the darkness of the cold German cobble stone road.
"They never listen to each other." Apoca said as gazed at the street full of corpses.
"They only listen to the clergy. They listen to god."
Agito gripped the ground, trying to rise from the wet path.
"But what kind of god would let his creation kill it self? Why doesn't he say something? Why doesn't he tell us the truth?"
Apoca said as he spread his arms to the air, tilting his head back as thunder roared in the distance.

"MAYBE THERE IS NO GOD! MAYBE WE'VE BEEN LIED TO OUR ENTIRE LIVES!" Apoca yelled to the air, lightning passed through the heavens as his voice ripped through the streets.
Agito's breath was heavy, his fingers numb from loss of blood, the gash on his chest as open as a church door.
"People crave answers, but are you satisfied if the answers are wrong? How do you know something is wrong if everyone says its right?"
Agito looked at his step brother as the rain started to pour down from above.
Apoca looked down at him and smiled, "Brother, it starts with the world being round, then the world revolving around the sun."
"Then piece by piece, the Clergy loses control."

This is were all of the people that want critiques can put their stuff! In one nice easy to operate and maintain megathread.

Its easy, when reviewing put @username:
Then your review!

All reviews must abide by the T.O.S.

At 1/29/11 08:51 AM, legionbear wrote: I'd like some feedback and other ideas would be greatly appreciated thank you ^_^

Besides some minor capitilaztion errors you're pretty spot on. Im not sure if you did this on purpose but Abel's lack of diverse vocabulary makes him seem alot more wrathful, and arrogant. Another thing, after each qoutation, start a new line. This will make it easier to read.

"That monster Abel is going to come and kill me." Amellia said.
"New line here."

A couple of things. In the sentence "Submachine guns, melee attacks, tanks." Theres no need for capitalization. All three of them are common place things, you would only make them capital if they were THE Submachine Gun etc. Secondly, you use the word war like its a single battle. "The bloodiest war i've ever been in". The correct term should (or could) be battle, fray, or skirmish. Thesarsuses are a great thing to have when writing. I suggest finding one in book form or using an online one, (If they exist)

Tips:
After each character speaks, make a new line. This will make it easier for the reader. (Seriously its hard to read a giant block of text)

Ex:
The cold marble floor of the supermarket steamed as the creatures 'blood' spilled from its body.
"What is it?" Cole asked, prodding the squishy gelatenous body.
"I'm not sure..." Charolette said, "Some sort of...thing."
"It's blood isn't blood its something else."

I wanted to make a place for everyone who isn't scouted to put their art on NG. This way people that have potential can get critiques or maybe even scouted one day.

Rules:
- User must be unscouted
- Artwork must be suitable for work
- Critiques must abide by NG T.O.S.

I hope this helps some one out. Feel free to post!
(I apologize for the lack of image, i can't upload right now.)

Another submission! #4 Hoyusa

im going to post a ref to the movie!
Snail on a razorblade! I CALLED IT!