http://amador10.newgrounds.com/news/post /389509

Here is my story so far. I decided to delve into some cyberpunk with a hint of splatterpunk and some elitism. It could go in another direction, however, and if it does, it will probably involve some existentialism.

I'd appreciate it if you comment on how it is so far.

At 9/28/09 03:51 AM, gamerpeepinpa wrote: So how's everyone back in the Philippines holding up with the flood?

Let's just say 27 hours of being stranded in a road which became a river filled with cars arranged chaotically wasn't a pleasant experience.

It's a good thing our house wasn't affected adversely, though our closets did get wet, along with some of our clothes.

An opinion will probably be true/false by consensus.

boomer?

most awesome game ever

So my story can be anything as long as it has elements from one of the themes? Or should I limit my story to these themes only?

At 8/7/09 11:55 AM, speeling wrote:

At 8/7/09 06:29 AM, ForNoReason wrote: ANWAY... if anyone is just desperate to hear MY take on their story then just ask. Ill reread it and let you know.

Bad idea, I know, but I'd really like to know what you thought.

Ditto on this. I'm just curious as to how shitty my first real attempt at this was.

At 8/5/09 09:02 AM, Scarab wrote: amador10 - 6.5-7/10.

Finally, is an island specifically part of the plot? It might be implied, but I didn't pick on it so much. It's not a bad entry overall, and the thought is clearly there, but I unfortunately found the execution lacking in some places, as I've said above.

Well, the island is just said once, and then it is left to the reader to logically think why it is set on an island or something. And I suppose my piece would've done good with at least one proofread. I just wrote as I went along, never thinking about the whole thing.

Thank you kindly for the criticism. And congratulations to all the winners.

At 8/4/09 09:00 PM, Fyndir wrote: amador10 | [08/10] |
Some sentence structure and word choice issues, but otherwise very well written.

At 8/4/09 10:54 PM, WritersBlock wrote: amador10:
Theme: 3/5
Structure: 4/5
Total: 7/10
Comments: When you began on the USA vs Russia deal, the story quickly lost its appeal.

Well to be honest, I just put the USA vs Russia deal so that I could have a reason for them to do this weird thing. I didn't really give it much thought, to be honest. Also, I could barely cram anything more to this story because it's already at 4498 words. If I could have put some more, I would have.

Anyways, thank you kindly for the criticisms. I suppose this isn't bad for a debut.

The Opera of the Frogs, by e-d Type: SongGenre: Ambient

God fucking dammit, I swear if Nesani doesn't return my fucking magazine tomorrow, I'll kill him. I'll yank his eyes out, put my fist through his throat, suffocate him from the inside, and chew his penis right out. I'll then force his bloody member into his trachea, if I were so inclined. Don't get me started on the finishing blow, it is so graphical and violent beyond imagination. Wait, what were you saying? Someone's behind me...?

...oh...Hello! Didn't see you there. As you can see, I am a bit tied up at the moment so I can't really help you. Come back in 10-20 minutes. By that time, we will have already sorted out what needs to be sorted out so that we can sort out what you need to sort out. So please, don't come back in 10-20 minutes. It is for your own satisfaction. Enjoy your stay at the Arkham Hotel!

Now where was I... ah, yes! That sister of mine was a fine singer. She was one of the most powerful figureheads in the operatic industry. I have always loved her, from the way she used to sing me lullabies when I was a wee child, to the times she would always help me through rough spots when I was in my teenage years.

I remember how, when I was so sad because our parents died when I was 7, that she promised to take good care of me. She asked me what I wanted to have. I guess I just replied that I wanted her. She giggled at my reply, and lifted me so high above the ground, it's as if we were reaching for the sun. We had a good 9 years together. And when I was always down in the dumps, she always told me to move forward. To reach for the sun. To take to the skies.

I guess I haven't been able to do that.

Some really evil men put poison in her before-show drink. When she drank it, her voice became raspier than a broken speaker. However, she knew that the show had to go on. She took the stage in all her glory, got the microphone, put it near her mouth, and spoke.

No words came out of her mouth.

She tried hard to sing. To speak. To yell. To scream out loud. But she only managed to cry. She wanted to please the thousands of people in the audience right now. Instead, she only managed to make them throw rocks at her. Disgrace rained from the skies, and my sister got hit with every drop.

The next day, I found her in her room, dangling from the ceiling.

This affected me radically. She was my role model. She was my guide. She was my beloved sister. She was my everything. I couldn't live without her. Which is why I wanted my then-girlfriend to have her voice. I wanted them to have her hair. I wanted them to have her eyes, her lips, her skin, her bosoms, her ass... I wanted them to be her.

At the start, she was very permissive of dressing like her. She knew I was a troubled man, so she wanted to please me. I saw, before my eyes, a carbon copy of my sister. From head to toe, I knew she was my sister. I knew she was my beloved.

Soon, however, she was becoming more and more convinced that I was borderline crazy. So she left me. My girlfriend of 3 years left me. My sister left me. The thought of that drove me insane every night. I can't bear the nightmares of me being raised so high in the sky, then suddenly dropping to the flaming abyss that is hell. I can't bear the thought of isolation, being disconnected from society with no one to talk to, just like everyday furniture.

So I kidnapped her.

I turned her into my doll. My very own personal doll. I can dress her any way I want, any time I want, anywhere I want. That last part I can't exactly do, since I have her gagged and bound in my apartment. But still, it's nice to feel like I have my sister around. Whenever I play with her, I feel like I was 7 again.

When I try to talk to her, though, she just sits there, looking at the floor. I don't like her not talking to me. It reminds me of how my sister became mute. I don't like getting reminded at how my sister became mute. So I threatened her with a gun. If she doesn't talk, I shoot her. If she does, I fuck her. I have always wanted to fuck my sister, but I never got the chance.

She did talk. She uttered the words "I want to die."

Her face is as blank as when my sister lifelessly dangled from the ceiling. Her face reminded me of my beloved sister hanging herself in her room. Her face... was ugly.

So I shot her.

Her lifeless body just sat there, expressionless. Her body teased me, like a stripper beckoning me to spend my money on her. Her body wanted me. I knew it in my mind. I knew she wanted to fuck me.

So I did.

I put it in her vagina. It was a wonderful experience, fucking a lifeless body and all that. It was like masturbating over pictures of my sister, only much more rigorous. And I'm the only one doing all the work.

Soon, however, I heard police sirens. They knew I killed my ex-girlfriend. They knew it from some guy who called 911 when he heard my AK47 going into overdrive. I asked myself why I didn't put a silencer, and threw the body out the window into the dumpster below my apartment. I then tried to clean up the mess. When police stormed my apartment, they saw no trace of her. At that moment, I felt like I'm gonna be able to escape arrest.

That is, until they looked at my pants. There was blood all over my crotch. I pleaded with them that it was just an experiment with ketchup gone wrong, but they wouldn't listen. Plus, they saw blood dripping from over my windowsill. At that moment, it was obvious.

I killed my sister.

I then spent the next 7 years of my life in this shit hotel. I can't believe it, I killed my sister and I got an apartment in a hotel. And I can stay for as long as I like! If this was paradise, I plan on staying forever. And I think this is paradise. A paradise I can't escape.

Well, it is sleep time, so come back tomorrow for another episode of "Ruminations of the Crazy Guy in Room 10-B"! It's always on at 1:00 pm, the time when the hotel doctor regularly checks my health. So please, continue to support my show! I love you all!

...did he leave already? Okay, now where was I? Ah yes, let me tell you about the story of my sister... wait, I was saying something about a Nesani? I don't know no Nesani, so shut up as I tell you the story of my beloved sister...

No matter how hard I try to write, I just can't feel it. I guess this contest's not for me.

Good luck to the contestants.

At 7/29/09 01:43 AM, The-Red-Jack wrote:

Fuck her, just make his last months as a president a burden

just make his last months as a president

make his last months

his last

his

GMA's a transexual!? OHSHIIIIIIIIIIIIIT

At 7/27/09 11:47 PM, jasonapog wrote: ^_^ Is GMA going to shut the hell up or she's going to SONA all of us..?...

Because of the fucking SONA, our retreat got postponed from yesterday to fucking September.

SEPTEMBER.

All because of a SONA.

Fuck you GMA, fuck you.

At 7/25/09 02:03 PM, WritersBlock wrote: Nine users with 7/10

One of them's probably me right there.

Medal points should be exchangeable for various goodies, like naked pics of Tom.

brb gaining medals

At 7/24/09 09:57 AM, Fyndir wrote:

At 7/24/09 08:55 AM, Sawdust wrote: I'm hoping August won't have any of that radical creativity beating around the bush type of concept, because, y'know, this concept for July is like, really boring and stuff.

Yeah, ironic coming from someone who submits a lot to the AP, isn't it?

Petition: Make August solely about erotica.

signed

Sleepsnotting.

is that even a word?

Hey guys I just wanted to greet you all a happy Fil-Am Friendship Day.

That is all thank you.

Eliza didn't want to believe it. She wanted to look, just to make sure, but she was too afraid.

"I said let him go."

Her grip, cold and shivering, slowly loosened, and soon, the scientist's face plummeted into the ground.

"That was very good of you, Eliza."

She slowly turned her head to her side. Her assumptions were right. He was the same 7'6" man she saw earlier, albeit now clothed in scientific fashion.

"Adam."

"It's just business, Eliza. It was always for business."

He fishes out a remote control from his coat pocket.

"Do you still remember rule number two?"

Number two: Don't even try to come back here. If ever even a single hair comes into my building, I won't hesitate to activate the nanite. Would you like to die? I'm pretty sure you don't want to die.

"You were just toying with me."

"Eliza... there is so much you already knew... and so much you need to learn..."

He pressed a button in the remote.

"This experiment is finished."

Eliza immediately began to convulse like an epileptic. She sweats torrents of bodily fluids, and soon, tachypnea settled in. All her arteries and veins bulged through her skin as the blood within her circulatory system travelled at a much faster rate than before.

"How do you feel?"

As warm blood coursed quickly through her veins, she started to become more acutely aware of everything around her. Her vision became much sharper, and she felt much stronger than before.

"I feel... great."

Eliza jolted back to life, firmly holding the gun she has. She pressed the gun against the helpless madman's head and pulled the trigger. She stood up and backed away from both of them, with Adam backing away opposite her. Soon, the whole body of the scientist exploded into a sea of blood and organs, filling the corridor with a soup-like combination of blood and body parts.

Both of them quickly turned their guns against each other. A drop of sweat slid against Adam's cheek as he observed Eliza, her body glistening with sweat. Her face was that of determination, a determination so resolute that she is willing to risk her own life because of what she has resolved to do.

"Eliza. I made you a bed. Why would you shoot me? I even gave you some weird-ass grapes."

"Isn't being a pawn in your grand scheme enough of a reason!?"

"Well, I suppose there's that, but it was just an experiment."

"Yeah, sure, that's what you told to the other people who died because of being your experiments."

"Those people are prisoners. We always use prisoners as test subjects who will be killed no matter what the outcome."

"They're still dead."

"But you're not dead. At least, not yet. Give me the remote and your gun, Eliza, and we'll all be okay."

A drop of sweat traveled from Eliza's shoulder. It dropped against her breast and settled on her nipple, which is hardened by the biting cold of the facility. The temperature does not affect the couple's heated argument, however. Neither does it affect Eliza's desire to accomplish her goal.

"Why do you need it?"

"Well..."

There are many buttons on both remotes. However, the markings are different. Adam's remote was marked with "Virus Control", and the madman's was marked with "Test Subject Control".

"I think I already know the reason, Adam."

"Give it to me or I will take it myself."

"Alright then, take it. Come on, take it, just like you have taken the lives of many people."

"Do you think we're much more devious than the ones who funded this?"

Eliza's left brow rose up. The sweat on her nipple finally dropped to the floor, splatting hard against it.

"The USA hatched a secret plan to manufacture biological weapons. They knew Russia was already doing it, so they needed to follow suit. Unfortunately, before we could finish our research, Russia unleashed their freaks of nature into the streets of America. They ravaged the nation, forcing the two to fight. It was an all-out war, spanning the whole country. Now, America needs a miracle. And whether that miracle will happen or not lies on you."

War!? Yes, war. A petty war for resources and supremacy. She was torn between two extremes now: to save a building of test subjects, or to save a whole nation of helpless humans?

"I need that remote, Eliza. Give it."

She was too lost in thought to hear him. The government of USA is the one who authorized this mess. They organized it so that they can defeat Russia. Now, their fates rely on her.

"Adam? Why did they make this up?"

"To win the war."

"And they rely on me now?"

"Yes."

"Well, with this act, I will save the whole world."

She extends her hand to her, as if motioning him to get the remote.

"I knew you'd see it my way, Eliza."

"Your way? No. This is my way."

She pressed a button on the remote. All the doors of the building immediately opened up, freeing everyone trapped in their cell. Every test subject on the first floor manages to get out, setting their eyes upon Adam.

"I figured I'd triple, quadruple, or even quintuple my chances by unleashing the ultimate biological army unto the world."

"You fool!"

Adam then felt hair creeping up against his neck. Before the danger could even register into his brain, he was strangled by the woman's long, black locks of hair. Soon, the biped dog revealed itself in front of him and spewed a noxious gas into his head. He attempted to scream in pain, the gas melting away his face. He couldn't, for he was being choked by the gorgon woman. The dog then remembers he is hungry. As if it was a ball, the dog bit the man's head. He chewed and chewed on it until it was disfigured and cannot be recognized. As his last seconds of consciousness slip away, he gives Eliza the finger.

Then, everything went black.

Eliza is ecstatic that she finally got rid of her tormentors. She was feeling euphoric about it for many minutes, until she realizes that it isn't euphoria she is feeling. Her vision starts to blur dramatically, and her blood vessels begin to bulge out even more. More torrents of sweat start to drop from her body, and soon, she was on the brink of losing consciousness.

As this all happens, she starts to hear something faint. It sounded like a three-syllable chant that a massive audience was screaming out. Slowly, she lapses out of consciousness, and as the seconds go by, she realizes what they are chanting.

"Eliza! Eliza! Eliza! Eliza!"

She smiles. She closes her eyes, ready to say goodbye.

"At last, I have done it."
------------------
Title: Into the Wild
Word Count: 4498

Night is quickly approaching as Eliza navigated her way deeper into the forest. She sees a rock which has a smooth and shiny exterior, as if waxed to a full shine. It was as big as a hill. She ignores the rock to concentrate on her quest. Soon afterwards, she sees it again. And again. And again. And again.

I passed this rock like, what, 7 times!

She became increasingly frustrated. She was very sick of passing through the rock that she gave it a very hard kick. The kick was so hard that she jumped around in sheer pain. And apparently, the kick was so hard that it waked the "rock" up. From under the rock appeared four turtle legs with rock-hard, jagged exteriors, raising the rock even higher than before. A head slowly peered out, showing the face of an angry turtle who was disturbed during its time of sleep. It let out a loud, cracking hiss and began to move towards the panicking Eliza, who, with such speed and agility, began to run westward. The gargantuan terrapin followed suit.

Eliza's heart was pounding. She needed to stay away from this threat if she were to talk to the evil scientist in the building. The turtle was sharply behind her, despite the fact that turtles are somewhat slow. Its large, beady eyes were sharply set on her, ready to flatten her with its rock-hard shell. Its feet shook the very earth they stepped on, filled with great determination to eliminate the one who disturbed its deep slumber. As the chase went on, Eliza recognized the building's austerity up ahead, and realized that she needs to get into the building and get rid of the cranky turtle set on killing her.

And she had hatched the perfect plan.

The scientist was on the first floor, inspecting the woman with the living hair. Her eyes concentrated on the floor, averting the eyes of the devil in front of her.

"You don't like me? Well, I don't like you. You're not even worth banging, anyways."

While he was inspecting her, he hears loud footsteps. As time passed by, the footsteps became louder and louder. The scientist looks eastward, his eyes widening as the sound becomes much louder. The wall is a long walk ahead, and the experiments near the wall are dead. When the noise suddenly stopped, he grinned.

"Here comes the fuss."

A very angry turtle crashes into the building. It stops first, and then spots the lone scientist, who is merely looking at the specimen. The terrapin redirects its anger to the man up ahead and then charges at him with full force. The man stands still, waiting for his chance.

Then, he saw it.

"Draw!"

He quickly got from his coat pocket a gun. He shoots a needle at the oncoming threat, which lands squarely into its head. The turtle merely continues charging as if nothing happened, but soon, weird things started happening to it. Its head started to wildly deform, as if it was filled with boiling water. Its legs followed suit, and soon, its whole body started to get even more bloated as it deformed. Then, the monstrosity suddenly stops in its tracks, letting out a loud squeal, as if it was in need of help. Immediately afterwards, it explodes, leaving organs flying and blood splattering all over the place. The shell just fell into the floor with a loud thud, cracking the surface it fell on.

The madman, smirking, starts to inspect the shell. He went near it, feeling it with his hands. Then, he observes that its shadow had an uneven shape. He looks at it some more, and he observes that something moved on the rock. Before he even had the chance to look back at it, however, an unknown force came falling down on his back, stealing his gun in the process.

"...why!? Why would you do this to hundreds of innocent people!?"

He broke into a twisted cachinnation of sorts. Eliza slammed his head to the wall, the man still cackling mockingly.

"Innocent!? INNOCENT!? I laugh at the thought. No human is ever innocent. They all deserve to die! And what better way to hit two birds with one stone than this? I get to torment humans AND help a nation with the same perspective annihilate a bunch of other nations!" He immediately let out boisterous guffaws, as if mocking her.

His laughter filled Eliza with such anger that she repeatedly slammed the madman to the wall. Her hatred for him grew with each thud, just as his laughter diminished with each. The turtle merely watched her pour her emotions out.

Then, a sharp stick pressed against Eliza's left temple. It still smelled of honey mixed with ground herbs, though it was much weaker.

"Let him go."

She looks behind her and sees a man, also naked. He was a large man, towering at 7'6" and having a very muscular build. He went closer to her, inspecting her leg.

"Who are you?"

"I'm Adam. I was a scientist, until I was knocked out cold while doing a genetic experiment. Next thing I knew, I was locked up in a cell. What about you?"

"I'm Eliza Messier."

The man momentarily froze. His eyes fixated on Eliza's body, scanning her like a powerful supercomputer. He immediately shook his head and flushed away his thoughts for the moment.

"Anything else you'd like to say about yourself?"

The woman took some time to think.

"Well?"

She gave a sigh, raising her head to the heavens and putting her hand on her chin, briefly forgetting about the man beside her.

"I'm guessing it's a no, then?"

She slowly lowered her head to the ground, rubbing her chin. After a few moments of realization, she finally gave a resigned nod.

"I feel sorry for you."

He actually felt a momentary reprieve.

"We need to go away from here. Follow me."

He held her by the hand and marched through the thick, dense forests of the island.

"We're here."

They were at the mouth of a relatively small cave which is large enough for a man to hide in. There were many stalactites above, giving the impression that the cave has very sharp teeth. The inside was faintly illuminated by a weak bonfire, revealing a stack of primitive weapons, a bed made of leaves, and some fruits wrapped in large leaves. Writings that mark how many days have passed akin to those writings in prison also reveal themselves, along with other random writings and expressions.

"This is our new home, if you don't mind to live with me, that is."

"It's not like I have a choice, I suppose."

"Well, we have to find some leaves for you to lie on, first."

He took a weapon from the stack. It was a stick with a sharpened edge. The stick looked like it was waxed perfectly, like a billiards stick. The sharp edge still had some blood on it.

"Alright, let's go."

They hacked their way through the dense forests, finding a tree with leaves big enough for one to lie on. They found trees that are covered with leaves, making the impression that they are gigantic bushes, trees which have very tough trunks with jagged exteriors, and trees which have weird blue and red hues. None of them held what Adam was looking for.

"What about that tree over there?"

The tree was a few feet taller than Adam. The trunk looked like many vines constricted into one, leaving a gap in between where 2 other vines intersected constantly until the top is reached, where the vines finally break free into branches. Hundreds of large leaves approximately four feet long and two feet wide encase the upper portion of the tree.

"Hmm. We could use those leaves, I suppose. It's my first time seeing that kind of tree, though."

"I'm getting one, then."

Eliza climbed the ladder-like trunk of the tree and attempted to get a leaf. No sooner did she set foot on the third step that the tree started to flail around madly, throwing the girl off-balance. The tree's vines then began to constrict more tightly, as if to form into a new shape. After a few moments, the vines suddenly loosened to reveal a humanoid creature with its limbs constricted into the many vines the tree has. The creature has brown skin, akin to that of the tree's bark. Its mouth was identified by the jagged edges opening up in the head. Its chest revealed a still-beating heart with a greenish-blue hue.

"...my god," the woman said in utter disbelief.

The vines then loosened up some more to give the creature a more humanoid shape. The leaves became the creature's hair and clothes. The vines which extended into branches became its long arms. The roots surface to become feet. Finally, the rest of the vines reinforced the creature's long arms, giving it gargantuan arms that could easily raze a good portion of the whole forest. It picks up Eliza by the head, holds her close to its mouth, and speaks in a deep, ancient voice.

"You alone can end this madness. Take your chances before they-"

Before it could say anymore, a sharp stick is plunged into its heart. It spurts a yellowish substance which smells of honey mixed with ground herbs. The entity arches forward and vomits more of the substance. It then falls to its knees, still vomiting a constant stream of the herbal honey mix. In its agony, it releases Eliza to the ground.

"*cough*...urgh...take your chances...*cough*, before they run out..."

It dropped dead soon afterwards. Adam then began collecting its leaves.

"We better be careful next time, I suppose."

Eliza didn't respond. Her brain was still trying to process what just happened. Who, or what, was that? What was he, she, or it trying to tell me? What does he mean?

"Eliza! Let's go. I have some fruit back in the cave."

He was motioning for her to hurry up. She quickly snapped out of her trance and followed him back to the cave, still thinking about the warning of the entity.

"At least you're safe. That's what matters."

They went inside. Adam went and got some fruits. They were as large as pineapples and had exteriors which were jagged and as hard as tree bark. There was a crack at the top which enabled Eliza to open it easily.

The inside looked like a big, juicy grape. It smelled very sweet, like grapes. Everything about it reminded her of a grape.

"I have always liked grapes. Whenever I taste this fruit, it immediately reminded me of grapes. They are my favourite fruit," said Adam, who was busy setting up Eliza's bed.

Then, it hit her.

Whenever I look at the wilderness, I always think of grapes. They are my favourite fruit.

The words of the scientist came back to her. She was disoriented at the time, yes, but she still remembered those meaningless words. Those words intermingled with the words of the creature's warning.

You alone could end this madness. Take your chances before they run out.

She dropped the fruit to the ground, holding a gaze that a person with a strong resolve would have. She marched right out of the cave, not knowing where she needs to go, but knowing what she needs to do.

"Eliza, where are you going!?"

She ignored Adam's questions. Every step she took away from the cave increased her resolve all the more. She didn't know why, but she kept going. There were questions everywhere, and she instantaneously knew who had the answer.

"Eliza!"

It was no use. Adam went back inside the cave.

Meanwhile, the scientist was busy euthanizing another test subject. It was a human-sized porcupine with quills dripping a glowing green, viscous liquid. Its beady eyes looked down to the floor, as if the animal was resigned to its fate.

The scientist's pager vibrated to life. He didn't need to look at it, for he already knew what it meant.

"Houston, we have a problem."

whoops

err... sorry... wrong thread

Here we see the work of man. A human whose skin is now a boiling red viscous liquid. A human who has enormous tumours all over his body, too big that it constantly squirts out colorless pus. A human whose brain is exposed, showing a rotten organ bathed in yellow-green blood. A human who no longer has reason to live.

"Combinatory treatment of streptococci pneumoniae, streptococci pyogenes, and mucorales B failed to immediately necrotize test subject. Commencing euthanasia via release of sludge mutation G."

Sludge pours out from underneath the man's cell and approaches him slowly. He makes no attempt to escape. They latch themselves on to his feet, blood immediately gushing out. The man doesn't move. They move towards the groin while his legs are coated with his own blood. He drops to his knees, not even flinching. The entity has now made its way to his upper abdominal region, starting to eat away his heart. His eyes give out a blank stare to the man with the coat, grinning whilst looking at him intently. He attempts to give him the finger, struggling to raise his hand as the scientist's grin evolves to deranged laughter. Just as he finally raises his middle finger up, his heart was eaten away by the sludge.

Then everything went black.

"Release bacteria toxin F17."

A deep blue gas is then released. This triggers the bacteria's self preservation instincts as they attempt to desperately run away from the gas. Their effort was for no avail. The bacteria slowly fizzles away, the gas being sucked into them. Ultimately, their fate is decided by loud pops and fizzles, turning both gas and sludge into nothingness. Only what is left of the test subject's body remained.

Once everything is all said and done, the scientist leaves, heading for the elevator. As he leaves, he looks at his other works. He sees a woman who has very long hair, fused lips, completely black eyes, and a perfect hourglass figure. The woman's glare pierces into the man's soul, her glare intensifying to such a degree that her hair starts flailing madly like wild snakes. The scientist just waved at her, as if mocking her in her state of imprisonment. Then, he sees a very large black dog which has learned to stand on its hind legs. Its mouth emits a green, sulphurous gas every time it opens. The scientist merely looks at him, raising a rubber ball in the process. The dog makes an attempt to get it, but it merely slams into the tough glass. It falls to the ground, unconscious, and unable to even make a dent on the glass.

"Good boy," the scientist exclaimed. He then places the ball into one of his coat pockets as he enters the elevator.

The elevator stops at the 31st floor, the highest floor. The test subjects here are kept in cryogenic chambers. To help them cope with their hunger, heavily insulated feeding tubes are inserted through their bodies. Special helmets are worn over their heads which enable them to see and hear in cryostasis. However, they also disable the subject's other senses, including speech. These helmets also help to preserve the health of their brain cells and to help detect any anomalies in the subject's body. They also control the breathing of the subject. Various needles are also strategically placed within the chambers for testing purposes.

"Experement 31-F, you're up!"

A cryogenic cylinder hums to life, presenting before the scientist an interesting specimen. The sleeping creature's eyes start to open, slowly awakening from a very deep slumber.

"...beautiful. You, my lady, are very beautiful."

Her blue irises start to focus towards the lone man in the room who can move freely. As she starts to orient herself to her surroundings, she realizes that she is in a cryogenic cylinder, naked.

"...robust bosoms, smooth skin, blue eyes, nice ass, you have everything a man like me could like..."

As she hears the ramblings of the mad scientist, she desperately attempts to get out of her prison, only to realize that she is frozen into place.

"Don't worry, woman! You'll get out of there and into the wilderness, trust me. Follow me."

The cylinder jolts back to life and suddenly speeds through a series of curves, propelled by a system akin to that of a fusion of cable cars and roller coasters. Despite the series of bumps and turns, the person inside stays completely stable. The rough ride finally slows down, revealing to the girl a huge wall of glass, through it a very lush environment filled with weird flora and fauna.

"Beautiful sight, isn't it?"

She sees the scientist walk by the side, holding a remote control.

"Whenever I look at the wilderness, I always think of grapes. They are my favourite fruit. You'll be happy to know that there are many grapes there."

The woman simply attempted to curse him. No words come out.

"This is your new home."

As the ride finally stops, it starts up again at full speed. The velocity of the cylinder was so high that it smashes through the glass. It was also so fast that it pulled itself off of the cable where it was suspended, throwing itself deep into the wilderness. It plummets flat into the ground, completely intact.

"Before you are free, remember some house rules."

Speakers above and below her body suddenly turn on.

"Number one: Don't try to swim away. Once you do, I will activate a nanite that contains a very deadly bioengineered Hantavirus that will kill you in mere seconds."

The chamber's doors slowly open, releasing a cloud of vapour.

"Number two: Don't even try to come back here. If ever even a single hair comes into my building, I won't hesitate to activate the nanite. Would you like to die? I'm pretty sure you don't want to die."

The special helmet that hampers the woman's movement de-attaches itself from her head, revealing long and silky blonde hair.

"And number three..."

At this point, she gets out of the cylinder, breathing a heavy sigh as she sees several ferocious animals: wolf-like with very long tusks and horns made of hard bone, and a tail with a hard spherical shape at the end the size of a basketball.

"...you should always have fun! Good luck!"

A wolf ferociously rushes towards her, ready to tear her apart. As the wolf jumps at her, she crouches, grabbing the wolf by the legs in the process. She then proceeds to crush the lupine's lungs, leaving it gasping for air. While doing this, another wolf attempts to attack her, running towards her like a bullet train. She thinks quickly and throws the wolf whose lungs she is crushing at the oncoming threat. It slides cleanly into the tusks and horns of the other wolf, incapacitating them both. Two more wolves attack from opposite sides. One wolf charges into her, preparing to ram into her with its sharp tusks and horns. The other wolf jumps towards her and rotates so that its big tail will hit her face and leave her unconscious. She dodges both, jumping away from the running wolf and grabbing the tail of the one in mid-air. Wielding the wolf's tail like a mace, she pulls it into the other wolf's head, disorienting them both.

As she looks at the aftermath of the fight, she didn't expect a wolf suddenly biting her leg. She quickly kicked it with her other foot. The wolf then scurried back into the woods.

The bite marks stretched towards the majority of her lower leg. Blood was spurting out of every puncture wound like newly-popped zits. Then, as she was contemplating on whether it hurt or not, the puncture wounds started to rapidly heal. The many layers of the skin instantaneously regenerated, as if watching a fast-forwarded video of a wound healing. The woman merely stared in disbelief.

"I... I can't believe it."

"You might as well start to."

Here's my complete draft for the story. I would like some criticism first before submitting, if you people would be so kind to do so.

This is my story so far. Any comment would be appreciated.

At 5/2/09 03:09 PM, Sawdust wrote: I bet Hatton's going to jump on Pacquiao in the 1st round and rip his ear off.

Nah, Hatton's too weak that he got knocked out on 2nd round. At least that's what I've heard.

Can you give some critique to one of my works?

Stopover in a Quiet Town, by amador10 Type: LoopGenre: Ambient

Where's the award after "The More, The Merrier"?

At 3/18/09 02:06 AM, Sawdust wrote:

At 3/17/09 02:48 PM, godstrength4 wrote: E-Heads Best band Ever

You forgot to add "filipino" and you misspelt PNE

And wow, I don't wanna let go of this club that much anymore, possibly it's gonna go somewhere now.

FINALLY.

At 3/4/09 07:41 AM, The-Red-Jack wrote: Pinoy Club, its been so long. What happened here?

Not much, still pretty much the same as you left it, only with more dust.

At 2/17/09 04:38 AM, youngblood26 wrote: Valentine's Day

MORE LIKE SINGLE AWARENESS DAY