At 10/13/06 04:04 AM, ElGhoulio wrote:
As much as you're loved by spammers, most of the love is meritless. F00D or not, you sure don't know when to stop.
Let me tell you a story about newgrounds.
Decades ago when the world was small and the lands were covered in brine and mayo, a wee tom fulp and wade fulp fish crawled from the ocean.
The tom looked at the wade, and in a very gurgley voice squeeked "Brother let us cultivate this land"
Unfortunately there were many predators on the land, and the Tom and Wade fish were eaten by the poopy pineapples.
Now these evil fruit hated evrything. They would dance in rage and curse at the sky! Sometimes their dancing would grow SO nightmarish it would tear the very land asunder causeing apealopes, cameljacks, and heldin beetles to scattle to and fro in an attempt to escape. And so, all the other animals pleeded with their god, a lighbulb named Dimitri, to bring peace to the land.
Dimitri laughed at the animals plight, and cast them into the shadows. Then he took a pee on them as they panicked. And Dimitri rules the earth for many centuries, often disguising himself as a pickle, dvd remote, and occasionally a fat greek woman.
Justice soon fell to Dimitri, as one day when he was tending to his bonsai tree, a wasp stung him, shattering his glass. Killed him instantly!
And out popped a wee worm from the ground.
"I shall build a website for cartoons" said the worm.
The other animals thought he was crazy, mainly because the internet had not yet been invented and the spice mines had grown dry. Did this matter to the worm? No! He cast the animals again into darkness and took a shit on their heads.
And so construction of the website that would one day be known as "NEWGROUNDS" began.
It was hard work. It was hairy work. It was spinny work. It was stinky work. It was gay work. It was bouncy work.
But work it was, and work they did until their own fingers fell right off their hands and clattered upon the ground like spoons upon a tile bra.
It was at this point the world exploded, thanks to a brutal storm that had been raging for 3,000 years. And the peices of the planet we once knew as earth crashed into the sun, blotting out the light, forcing the few solitary survivors of the great collapse to die slowly in complete darkness.
Can you imagine that?
Lying on a small peice of soil out in space. In the pitch black darkness. Waiting for your oxygen to run out!
A horrible fate to many, my dear ElGhoulio.
Do you understand now?
Do you understand WHY we do this?
I certainly hope I have shed some light.
Big old beets.
