At 4/27/08 08:42 PM, Ragnarokia wrote:
You are no more, let us say things while you sit in the corner and think of what you could have been.
Everything has slowly been ruining me, from the start of this year I have been loosing all my effort and desire I once had meaning I have no chance of passing with any reasonable grades by the end of the year, I have lost the ability to even write complex writing and I have been forgetting every small piece of information needed to even enter the exams, yet alone pass them. I have lost everything educational wise and no matter what I try I cannot get it back.
One of my favourite lessons that I worked hard to try and take into advanced education was performing arts, yet this I have lost all effort and desire, and if it wasn't for the fact there are only 5 weeks left I would have dropped out by now. I recently got 3 essays to complete all 4 pages long, I cannot bring myself to write more than 5 lines for one, and I have to learn a script yet alone creating a whole dance performance in these 5 weeks.
I still have the want yet not the ability to take History, which again contains essay writing, yet when I thought I was doing well I came out with a U from the test I had, this shows yet again I will end up failing.
Basicly, my whole educational side is gone, I can't get it back, I don't know what I am going to do. I guess this is the dl;dr version for you.
Now on to other aspects, I once got into flash and drawing and was going to start making reasonable quality submissions, this went down also lately due to some things I would rather not explain, I still can't bring myself to do anything from this. I really want to get back though.
This lack of effort is even extendible to unthinkable limits, the same loss of desire that affects education and flash has gone as far as making me to literally stop playing games, something I loved and over did, I have played maybe 5 or 6 hours if I was lucky through the last 2 weeks. I do not know how I cannot bring myself to even do this, but I can't.
I could really do with some people to talk to I guess, several of the people I know on MSN from here have been able to help me a bit, but for the majority of the time they are not on, and I really do feel like I need some kind of support.
I spend all of my time here, I shouldn't and I hate the way I waste my life here, but without this place I am not even sure if I would have lived till now. It ruined everything yet I think it is a necessary evil.
It is times like this I really feel pathetic. I hate to admit it openly on here.