Newgrounds.com — Everything, By Everyone.

This thread about Wade's wife was pretty depressing. Old IRC chat and its resulting anarchy was generally pretty sad.

At 9/20/14 09:23 AM, Phobotech wrote: People are different from each other.

No fucking way. I call BS

At 9/20/14 04:29 PM, Boomstick wrote: except the person on the bottom is usually reluctant or submissive butt sex guy. Hell he may not even like it.

I learned this in my Butt Sex Etiquette and Human Psychology course.

At 9/20/14 04:34 PM, Ama wrote: Some people just don't like shit on their dick or a bleeding anus.

Some people.

At 9/20/14 04:35 PM, Ama wrote: Haha, you were expecting us to make you feel better.
Think again, fucker.
<3

God damn, it backfired. It's like I'm the only loser here. Three minutes of typing, all for nothing.
Shitballs.

At 9/20/14 04:15 PM, Ama wrote: Sucks that being a chat mod (lol) didn't land you a girlfriend, Knights.

I'm still single, but I have a dick.

Sup losers.

Like me, you're all pretty pathetic. So let's wallow together in our misery. Share some stories of you fucking up potential dates, sexual encounters, or relationships, and then make fun of each other for being so awkward and sad. Talk about how embarrassing your life is, and marvel at the fact that you're not alone. Sum it up with a bit of a lesson, some piece of advice for your fellow awkward human beings, and perhaps we'll all get through this together...

A few weekends ago, a female friend of mine asked to spend the night at my place. After a night of drinking downtown, we walked back to my apartment to watch some television and hang out. I didn't realize it at the time, but she had been hitting on me all night (a mutual friend later informed me of how obvious it was that she was coming on to me). From the very beginning, I had no intention of making a move because I figured she was way out of my league (she is). Accepting my pathetic reality, I figured I'd just be content with the fact that there was a female person in my house in the first place.

The next morning she woke up and left in a bit of a hurry, barely even saying goodbye. She seemed flustered about something, and I started to worry that I had done or said something inappropriate the night before. I couldn't remember much, but for some reason she'd slept on the floor while I kept my queen-sized bed all for myself. Wanting to clarify things, I searched for my phone so that I could call her and ask if I had been a jerk and not offered her my bed. I immediately noticed I had a bunch of missed texts from the night before. They were overt sexual advances sent around 3am, all digitized for easy record-keeping. Not only had I missed out on her subtle flirting, I had failed to read her obviously textual messages, which basically went along the lines of "come fuck me now."

To make things worse, she now thinks that she's the awkward one. She doesn't believe that I never even read the texts, and assumes that I had ignored her advances altogether. Apparently, I was able to come across as some kind of hotshot that's capable of turning down sex from attractive women. What the fuck.

I now know to never assume a woman is out of my league, even when it's incredibly obvious that she is. I also realized that I'm doing college the wrong way, and that I should probably just join a frat and start slipping roofies into the drinks of unsuspecting women (just kidding).

Above everything else, I now know to keep my phone with me at all times, just in case I receive an explicit, time-sensitive invitation to have sex with someone.

Stories, please...

At 9/20/14 02:56 AM, xXSp1cyN1njaXx wrote: first life lesson(it is very important that you listen to this while reading the lesson) : whenever you are up shit creak without a

Who the fuck would listen to the instrumental of this song? Why would anybody want to remove the beautiful sound that is Nas' voice? I don't think I could take advice from somebody like this...

At 9/20/14 03:37 PM, Knights wrote: I'm pretty sure every user, LITERALLY EVERYONE would be modded before Ama. Even me.

If I were king of the world, I'd give everyone modship, especially Ama. You would be most loyal knight, I'm sure.

Anyways, weren't you a chat mod before it's much expected murder? I'm sure that was fun while it lasted.

At 9/20/14 09:49 AM, NeonSpider wrote: So, increased risk for problems but lower cost = piercing guns.

That was an incredibly eloquent description of piercing guns. Well said my friend.

At 9/20/14 01:16 PM, Ama wrote:

At 9/20/14 01:16 PM, SCTE3 wrote: Other BBS mods who were demodded that day:

Great, now I can finally replace them.

That's the idea. All those mods had to go in order to make room for Ama's corpulence.

At 9/20/14 09:35 AM, Idiot-Finder wrote:

At 9/19/14 11:46 PM, Slacker013 wrote:

At 9/19/14 06:58 PM, Seasons wrote: Holy shit. AOL is still a thing? That's the most shocking part of this news story.

Shocking!

I know right? I can't believe we went back to the early 2000s when making fun of AOL is the thing that makes people over the internet look cool when in fact it makes them trend whores. Never mind the fact that AOL is no longer the crappy dial up only web like they were that time.

Oh, boy... What a great point! They've clearly improved their image, and I'm a giant untrendy asshole for making fun of them on a forum post. Keep the up PR work; you're making a huge difference! As for me, I'm going to go read some news articles from Yahoo! because it's 2014, and I shouldn't be stuck in the early 2000s where it's acceptable to make fun of shitty companies that should've died in the 90s. You know what I mean?

At 9/19/14 04:38 PM, NippleManOfMilk wrote:

At 9/19/14 12:49 AM, Xenomit wrote:

At 9/19/14 12:48 AM, Piper wrote:

At 9/18/14 11:43 PM, Xenomit wrote: and she giggled and turned into a store.

I didn't word that very well

Ha, I didn't notice that. I'm picturing this woman holding hands with you and then just morphing into a gap or jc penny's. Mabye it was a new promotional event, stores that turn into cute girls would rack up sales.

Rofl.

Now that I think about it she might have been trying to come on to me and I scared her off. Oh well.

Story of my life right here.

I guess this is a "weird event." The other day I was at the dining hall of my university. I bumped into a chair and, thinking it was a person, turned around to apologize to it. A table full of sorority girls all watched me awkwardly shuffle away after half-apologizing to the chair.

At 9/19/14 10:41 PM, Magical-Zorse wrote:

At 9/19/14 10:34 PM, NippleManOfMilk wrote:

gluten

Beat me to it. Fucking hate the whole gluten-free thing now a days. I get that some people have legitimately adverse reactions to gluten, but most of them are full of shit. I had a friend who said, "Why is that 5% of Americans have a gluten allergy, yet 95% of the pizzas I delivered tonight were gluten-free." Not sure how accurate either of those statistics are, but you get the point...

certain kinds of hippies are silly.

People under the age of 50 that call themselves hippies are morons.

It would be a little redundant, given that if I were ever a well-known artist I'd already be making porn.

So yeah.

At 9/19/14 09:04 PM, NippleManOfMilk wrote:

At 9/19/14 08:58 PM, KatMaestro wrote: I don't listen to the languages or spoken phrases. I listen to the music.

OH MY GOD I WANNA HIT YOU!!!!

*Deep breath* Thats cool bro...

I have the same reaction to people who claim they "don't pay attention to the lyrics," or whatever.

But yeah, that's cool bro...

At 9/19/14 01:32 PM, SithCorduroy wrote: There was a pilot for the proposed series that aired last year called "Haunted House", but it's pretty different from the direction the series seems to be going in now.

For better or worse? I remember that special. Didn't realize it was the pilot. Haven't seen the new show but will have to check it out.

Not sure if he's still active, but Evark is the meanest person in the world. Hate that guy.

Just kidding. He's super nice.

At 9/19/14 05:29 PM, T3XT wrote: I was going to make a drug joke but somebody beat me to it. Moving on

I came in thinking that's what the thread was going to be a about but was disappointed.

Worst hit I ever took was a from an ex-marine. Last time I talked politics in a bar.

At 9/19/14 08:16 PM, NuclearInfected wrote: So what's Newgrounds drinking tonight? I've got one of my favorite beers, Deschutes Obsidian Stout and some amber beer from Wisconsin.

Been drinking some Candi tonight. Pretty good. High percentage but a bit sweet, which isn't surprising given the name. Probably going to switch over to my standard Rolling Rock pretty soon.

Living right next to a 711 is going to be the death of me, whether it's from the alcohol or heat lamp flavored taquitos.

At 9/19/14 04:43 PM, Ama wrote: Mind the edge, OP.
Bill Maher fucking sucks.

I'm a liberal, and even I agree with this statement. I still watch his show on occasion, but only when he has a decent panel up for discussion (if you want to call it that).

Also, hi Ama.

Holy shit. AOL is still a thing? That's the most shocking part of this news story.

At 9/19/14 06:22 PM, thespazicat wrote: Aint i lucky that my folks and teachers didn't give a shit really

Well I hope they care about your well-being in general. If any of your teachers give off the vibe that they don't care about your education, walk right up to them and tell them they should find a new profession.

At 9/19/14 06:44 PM, Ejit wrote:

At 9/19/14 06:42 PM, Seasons wrote: a perfectly constructed ellipses.

Just woke up covered in my own vomit

We all make mistakes! For example, Newgrounds BBS still doesn't have a fucking edit button.

At 9/19/14 06:44 PM, GrahamNG wrote:

At 9/19/14 06:42 PM, Seasons wrote:

At 9/19/14 06:40 PM, GrahamNG wrote: I'm... I'm okay with that.

Clearly. That was, after all, a perfectly constructed ellipses.

I really do hate when people use 2 or 4 ellipses.

I know right..........................

Also, I just reminded myself that "ellipses" is the plural form. I should've typed ellipsis... Oh well.

At 9/19/14 06:40 PM, GrahamNG wrote: I'm... I'm okay with that.

Clearly. That was, after all, a perfectly constructed ellipses.

Hosting Flash games and videos.

But srsly.

At 9/19/14 01:04 PM, TomFulp wrote: I've used this for some especially brutal conventions in the past:

http://freshballs.com/

Works.

This is awesome. You may have just changed my life.

At 9/17/14 08:42 PM, Sensationalism wrote:

At 9/17/14 10:25 AM, Scarface wrote: Been cooking meth since third grade.

Bullshit

I don't know. Sounds plausible to me.

On another note, all of your public school teachers smoke pot. Trust me.

At 9/19/14 06:19 PM, Timmy wrote:

Also, quick grammer question, is it -'blah.'- or -'blah'.-

Depends on the usage:
The best costumes at the party were a ghost, a scarecrow, the killer from "Texas Chainsaw Massacre", and a cow.

This is incorrect, as far as American English goes. Not trying to be a jerk, just a heads up. The bottom line when it comes to grammar, however, is that every single "rule" was arbitrarily chosen by a bunch of idiots in the 16th century. Next time your English teacher tells you not to split an infinitive, tell them how that rule is bullshit.

This is now a grammar thread?

At 9/19/14 05:53 PM, xXSp1cyN1njaXx wrote: well murder is legal in Florida so he has nothing to worry about.

I thought it's only legal if the victim is black?

At 9/19/14 04:46 PM, Deshiel wrote:

At 9/19/14 04:28 PM, AquaWatermelons wrote: Very high quality, very detailed and looks like you put hours of effort into it. I'd give it a 10.

Hehe thanks :D

I agree with this comment. I don't know if you were aiming for anything else but it's visually appealing, and I think that's all that really matters. Same rule applies to women.