At 11/8/09 10:12 PM, Rabid-Animals wrote:

At 11/8/09 09:59 PM, Rude-Awakening wrote: Ahem,
a bollock is the male teste

As opposed to the female teste?

Flange, minge, minny, fanny, klunge, tiny, cunt yes theres quite a few

At 11/7/09 03:26 PM, Facepalmer wrote:

At 11/7/09 03:03 PM, Sh0T-D0wN wrote:

At 11/7/09 03:01 PM, Facepalmer wrote: I'm getting ready and exercising all weekend to make sure I can beat that cocky little bitch's ass.

You act as if he did anything to you to justify you fighting him; considering you are the one picking shit with him.

In other words, you're a dick, and you should leave him alone.

He is cocky. Why? Because he mentioned MY name in a rap even though I gave him no permission to.

How many times did you refer to him as white boy?
maybe show a little respect seriously people like you are like one minute " me and my brothers should stand up to the white man!" and then the next your acting like " ahhh why you do that" lol
Im surprised you werent rapping anyway...

At 11/8/09 09:22 PM, Invisable-Ranger wrote: Goddamn brits. What the hell is a bollock?

Ahem,
a bollock is the male teste

At 11/8/09 09:17 PM, ELITE-101 wrote:

At 11/8/09 09:16 PM, Jackdabomb wrote: Who else expected porn?

me

Third that major disapointment

At 11/8/09 09:07 PM, Goldfire64 wrote: atleast he didn't rape you. That would have truly sucked.

I know you cant say someones a criminal by looks, except peodophiles of course, but that guy looked he was capable of it, and worse.

At 11/8/09 09:04 PM, Timmy wrote: Sounds like you had quite the scare, but at least you kept your dignity.

At 11/8/09 08:56 PM, Rude-Awakening wrote: In short, i ran home with my left bollock flapping about.

Er...

Anyway, I had a similar experience. I was dropping off some paperwork in a nearby "bad neighborhood" late in the afternoon. It was winter, so dusk had fallen over the parking lot I was walking through.

All of sudden, a bum popped out from between two parked cars and practically screaming, "HEYMANCANYOUHELPABROTHEROUT!?!" I was so shocked and my pants were so full of excrement that I actually gave the guy a dollar (something I never do).

In order to thank me for my kindness, the guy grabs my hand with both of his and shakes it. Then he just walked away, leaving me standing there.

My hand smelled so terrible that I actually walked back inside the building to wash it 15 times

Somehow i think yours is a little worse, although i dont know if you ever ran while scared, embarassed and laughing (i caught sight of an old womans face, will take it to the grave, as i thinkk she will too, which honestly shouldnt be too long).

I was in my school athletics team and was the secret long distance runner :D and i was winning until the final lap and was winning by say 25 metres on the last 100 metres. I start running backwards with my hands in the air, shirt over my head celebrating.
Then i trip and sprian my ankle, then everyone else passes me and does wanker signs at me.
I was dropped from the team.

This tramp had something seriuosly wrong with him. I mean the 5 five words you expect a tramp to say are " Have you got any change?" not "Your a looker arent ya?!".
Basically, I go home from football (soccer) every Sunday the same way, from the train, under the bridge and on the bus. And never 4 years have I seen a single person who spoke to me during this journey. Except a tramp, yesterday on the most isolated part of the journey, the under the bridge section. Now sure, if you take into account that the media are scumbags who scaremonger people into submission and into buying their useless dragged out stories (which are usually lies to be honest) then im unlikely to be raped, murdered or mugged there, but you can never be too careful. However I still dont knoow, as im typing this how the hell he got there. As far as I can see there are two ways under the bridge. You either climb under the hole in the wire fence (my way in) , or you climb the sizeable gate(my way out) now if im being blunt, which i usually am, this gguy looked about 75, and thats taking into acoount that he was a tramp, so im guessing hes not particularly nimble.
Now im not very pround of this, but i usually ignore tramps, convincing myself completely that its there fault, and never letting the thought that it may be down to society and its treatment of the poor.
Anyway, this man was kinda spralled on the floor, looking slightly drunk, and scared the living shit out of me, becuase i though he was asllep or something, and i personally feel he was as surprised as i was that someone walked passed that he made a noise, not manic enough to make me think he was mental but not sane enough to make me think he was speaking. It was a kind of blurree noise. Followed by Got any change? which is the MOST dreaded collection of words youll ever hear from a tramp (also known as a sentance), some wuld say that Im gonna cut ya is but cmon there tramps, there weaker than crackheads, the takers, not the dealers.
I replied with Nah, sorry mate, ive got a drink, cok... nevermind.
He then got up.
His quickness was unbelievable, almost admirable agility to leap off his feet and grab me by the shoulder, spinning me around the repeating in a harsher voice to that of before,
Now, have you got any change?!
No!!!
I ran like a little pussy from a bearded tramp.
Climbed that gate like never before.
Now, people say you make your deadliest mistakes when your scared.
Well that did actually turn out to be true.
I leaped over the fence and as i did my shorts got caught upon the spikes to stop people like me and it ripped my shorts, boxers everything.
In short, i ran home with my left bollock flapping about.

Now in the UK, a government advisor stated that LSD, Cannabis and ecstasy were less harmful than some legal drugs like alcohol and tobacco. It has caused a media storm, other scientific government figures resigned due to his sacking, which i feel was completely unjust.
His name was Professer Nutt, which inevitably has caused some groups calling him Professer Nutty.
It has split the nation and i myself cant really say alot, due to my inexpirience in this particular field. However i do know that if alcohol were discovered today, it would be banned so in that way prolonged or indulgent use of alcohol is far more dangerous to the body than LSD, Ecstacy and cannabis.
I just want to know, do you agree with Professer Nutt, and feel these currently illegal drugs shoud be legalised or do you feel that the current system is ok?

I think it looks like Frank Butcher crying out for Pat.

The fruit was a lemon.
An old lemon...

Seriously.
The credit crunch may be making millions unemployed and forced to eat dog food. But I never thought it would come to this.
Usually during halloween, there are fake witches, Draculas and the odd, brave, Frankenstien. But never have I seen such an awful costume. It wasnt rude, distasteful, appalling or even just bad. Instead of getting a costume and a trick or treat bag, they had equipped themselves with what can only be discribed as a paper bag, and black clothes. No face paint, no cape and not even a fucking accent.
I mean half of the point is the costume.
I have terrible memories of halloween, being shooed away from a house by their german shepard.
Being beaten up by a rather large 13 year old for my loot.

So i turned my back on halloween, never again will i trawl the streets in a ridicolous costume.
Seriously, also ok, when ever is fruit a sweet? you cant reply to trick or treat with treat, then pull out the sourest fruit in your house, thats bullshit!
Oh and adding 23p isnt sufficient money either!

My Conversation:

Andy says:
lol and beyonce isnt better than cheryl cole
maybe at singin yeah
but not at looks
Michael says:
yes
ur ridiculous
Andy says:
shut up
ur so wrong
y is beyonce like 29th
and cheryl coles 1st
Michael says:

Andy says:
exactly
Michael says:
no not exactly
that list is retarded
coz she isnt the best looking woman in the world no fucking way
Andy says:
yes she is
bloody hell man look at her
shes bloody beautiful
and fuckin fit
Michael says:
no coz they only do it for celebrities
Andy says:
who have u seen thats better lookin
Michael says:
bare fucking people
it dont mean shit
its whos the most famous not sexiest
why do you think
shes number 1
coz coincidently
shes a judge on x factor
before than megan fox was number 1
when she was in transformers
but when shes not in any films for a year
she suddenly drops down
its a load of bollocks
Andy says:
to number 2
Michael says:
so
before cheryl cole
was on x factr
she was like 13
Andy says:
yeah but if ur saying that then y aint it sum1 like madonna
Michael says:
dont be stupid. what so Cheryl cole suddenly became better looking over one year ??
Andy says:
yeah
Michael says:
you cannot be serious??
are you that stupid?

At 10/28/09 01:50 AM, FurryDemon wrote: Rude-awakening lol...aren't you the same guy who lost your 4 front teeth during tennis then you got your
friend back with a bee hive? All these stories seem very unlikely, but I think I believe you

Well if it gets worser and worser each time for all you know you could die one day

I have an eventful life, and if i die ill find a way of getting it on newgrounds.
And the tennis thing was very painful.
Add that with limitless embarrassment and you get the meaning of the word ownage

At 10/28/09 01:27 AM, DM692 wrote: The worst thing I've ever been electrocuted by is the kettle while I was unplugging it and somehow miraculously hit both the prongs for a second while it was still semi-plugged in.

That is extremely bad luck.

At 10/28/09 01:24 AM, WeHaveFreshCookies wrote: Your name makes this downright hilarious...

Looking at it, it is oddly coincidental but not intentional.
Odd

Now, i have had quite a few painful expiriences in my life, some down to downright rotten luck and others down to my ignorant ramblings. Ive lost 4 teeth, been punch by a grown man, headbutted, stabbed (accidently) in the foot with a kebab skewer and last but not least bitten by a dog.

Amazingly, none of these were more painful than what happened to me yesterday. I have never really been good at anything technical, engineering, practical or logical. I have lived my life revelling in nonsense and expressing my views through humor. This is a source of pain, due to my way of never living down a joke and so people relieve their embarrassment on me. However i have never ever been in or experienced pain like this before.

The pain was horrible, just horrible. Ive been electrocuted before with a joke pen, a laughable pain, a little sting. This time it left me numb for 2 days. I embarrassed my friend like never before, and due to this he took prompt and to him at least, just revenge. He cut the lead of my Xbox, then spat on my cheek ( while i was asleep, may i add), then put the live wire on my cheek. I awoke instantly as 240 volts whizzed through my body, never have i felt a feeling quite as complete around my body, i couldnt see properly, hear properly or distingiush my orientation. I shot up, and then did the one thing i could.
Scream.

At 10/27/09 12:20 AM, Gobblemeister wrote:

The thing is your making yourself laugh, no-one else, regardless of what has been said prior you are now entertaining yourself. Quite frankly you could do a whole lot better by just going to sleep.

Entertaining myself is the intention

I want to lulz because I find your sadness entertaining

I don't really care if you or anyone else agrees

Wait, so you dont care if anyone else agrees with you but are posting this on a forum about the limits upon which you can go in a practical joke. If not entertaining, at least relevant.

At 10/27/09 12:13 AM, Gobblemeister wrote:

No i do it for the lulz

So what weve essentially just established is that your a very lonely person.

Oh yes indeed and yet you still insist on parlaying with someone who has challenged your security in your masculinity because you are a sad broken boy who has to prove his manhood to the internet

LULZ

The thing is your making yourself laugh, no-one else, regardless of what has been said prior you are now entertaining yourself. Quite frankly you could do a whole lot better by just going to sleep.

At 10/26/09 11:54 PM, Gobblemeister wrote:

Your acting as if i have actually spoken down to your before you even started to insult me so you know, get it right, stop picking fights that your obviously looking for. I bet you do this every night.

No i do it for the lulz

So what weve essentially just established is that your a very lonely person.

I wouldn't contort any story of my own to fit that mold because I choose not to look like an Internet Tough Guy because i'm not a bodybuilder or guido

So sorry to disappoint you but I have no great myths of my conquests over douchebags and emot.

Your acting as if i have actually spoken down to your before you even started to insult me so you know, get it right, stop picking fights that your obviously looking for. I bet you do this every night.

At 10/26/09 11:39 PM, Gobblemeister wrote:

At 10/26/09 11:35 PM, Rude-Awakening wrote:

At 10/26/09 11:30 PM, aquaticmole wrote: This happened a year ago? Are you two still friends if not, then yeah you may have gone a little too far. Fun story either way.

Were still friends, oddly through our battle scars. My lip and his massive bee sting on the lower calf.Seroiusly its the size of the end of your little finger.

BTW why are you still trying so hard to prove to everyone your a hardass

You know

"Shit i'm fucking Rude Awakening and I have no compassion and unleash bees on people who fuck with me so don't mess bitch"

You are seriously annoying i mean like have you just had some coke?
Feeling confident are you?
how about you tell me an interesting story for once, rather than just stalking people you retard.

At 10/26/09 11:30 PM, aquaticmole wrote: This happened a year ago? Are you two still friends if not, then yeah you may have gone a little too far. Fun story either way.

Were still friends, oddly through our battle scars. My lip and his massive bee sting on the lower calf.Seroiusly its the size of the end of your little finger.

Seriously no on ever teaches people this. No teacher has ever taught a kid about about the threshold upon which the limits on practical jokes can go. I myself was the victim a bad victim. When i am embarrassed or angry i dont shout, or bang and slam. I do the most ridiculous thing possible. I say my name over and over and over again. Sometimes for up to 10 minutes, and it surprisingly helps. However this time it didnt. This time it was different. Two years ago, i was playing tennis for no reason, due to my mediocre skills, on a summer afternoon. My friend is very good, and ruined me with a shot impossibly close to the net, and so i sprinted to the ball missed by a second and couldnt stop, and attempted to jump the net, and my other friend on the nets acting umpire anticipated this and as i jumped he hurled the net upwards. I lost 4 front teeth, a lot of blood and oddly some of my lip from inside my mouth.

I had to get my revenge and planned without compromise for months , giving up and eventually coming back twice to the project, and spending a lot of money. But last year it was time, and it was perfect everything was perfect. Basically, this 'friend' had a very nice bedroom, which i in turn ruined. While he was downstairs, at his birthday party i planted a hive of bees outside his window(Most of my money, btw). Then at around 2:00AM, i angered the hive with a combination of superb rock throws and a lot of poking and prodding, they flew in and stung him around 50 times. Then i locked his door, and then the best part, set off the 12 alarms situated around his room (he was drunk didnt notice them in the corners) which rung like car alarms.
He had an allergic Reaction to the bees and was very angry the next day.
I think i may have gone a little too far.

At 10/26/09 10:21 PM, PenguinKommando wrote:

At 10/26/09 10:16 PM, Gobblemeister wrote: I doubt that highly all he did was tell a story he HEARD and how he feels like a fucking island because he didn't sob like it was a chick flick

Look man, between you and me, Howard has never been our best detective, he isn't even a good cop really, because of shit like this, but he's got another two weeks til retirement, and I don't want him to get it in his head that he has to be a hero again and make a huge mess like he did in '96 when he tried to beat those two dogs off that old lady with that giant novelty dildo.

Now that is creative. Seriously, bravo. I mean how much time did that take you and more to the point why a giant novelty dildo?

At 10/26/09 10:16 PM, Gobblemeister wrote:

At 10/26/09 10:14 PM, PenguinKommando wrote:

At 10/26/09 10:08 PM, Gobblemeister wrote: Oooh wow you're such a hardass

STFU

Look man, he's seen a lot of shit in his time at the force, all right, cut him some slack, man!

I doubt that highly all he did was tell a story he HEARD and how he feels like a fucking island because he didn't sob like it was a chick flick

I think its kinda pointless for you to comment on anything on what other people say becuase all you say is crap and spew complete trash. Your very defensive,maybe thats your way of forgeting the torment caused by an abusing uncle.

I've lost all compassion.
All of its completely gone, empty, and I havent even noticed, not once have I looked in hindsight at a personal thought over the news or an issue close to me and thought, I should've been a little more sensitive. Let me take you through the story. At the beginning of high school I made few good friends rather than a lot, and so these people meant a lot more to me. And so we eventually became best friends(No names). Now, they were taking theyre exams maybe a month ago. They recieved a much lower grade then they, the school and their parents had thought they would, now I thought this was the beginning of a downward spiral, in fact it was the middle of one and so, on the floor of they're bedroom, they let it all out. Their father had died and had kept it a secret from everyone, including me, and as I was being told this I felt strangely, well nothing , really. They started to cry and well, they asked me for advice, and I couldnt get my head round the situation, I thought what the hell is wrong with me.

I left maybe 5 minutes after saying nothing. When I got home, I heard my mother was in a crash, she was hurt, but nothing critical, and one person in the other car died, no seatbelt. And here's my point, the first thing I said, theVERY FIRST THING:

"Should've wore a seatbelt".

No Compassion.

And how long ago was that?

Jeeesus lay off the steroids Mr.Roid Rage. You need to calm down, one im not 13, second well i mean come on crazy muslims? you need to learn a few new words, heres two for you fuck you.

Well you know