You just lost the game.

For those who have been living in a shell and don't know the game:

(ripped from some crappy blog I googled so I didn't have to type it out)
The Game (I lost!).

Okay, I'm gonna tell you about 'The Game'. I have no idea where or when this started. I found out about it online about 6 months ago. I'd quite like to know the origins of 'The Game' because it is intensely irritating.
Firstly, a disclaimer - anyone who decides to join 'The Game' cannot blame me for any psychological damage caused
Okay, there is only one rule to 'The Game' - if you think about the game, you lose. When you lose you have to declare it; you have to say out loud "I lost". Once you've said that, anyone else playing the game around you will lose and will have to declare it too.
Once you've forgotten about 'The Game' you stop losing.
As I am telling you about 'The Game' I have lost and so are you because you're thinking about 'The Game'. But you will go away and forget about 'The Game' and you will stop losing. Until someone says something or you see something that makes you think of 'The Game'.

I know this isn't a usual Newgrounds thread, and is much more suited to the SomethingAwful tradition of Helldump, but I have to call him out all the same.

The NG forums are usually an entry point to internet communities, so we all suck at first and you slowly get better.
Unfortunately and inexplicably this is not the case with Darkside7000.

There are a lot of awful posters on the forum, but none draw my attention to just how terrible they are as this poster.

But hey, let's make a game of this callout:
Type into your Address bar "http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/search/au thor/darkside7000/" then add a number to the end, between 1 and 269.
i.e. "http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/search/au thor/darkside7000/200"

I guarantee you will find at least one god awful post in that page.

I'll give a few examples at just what manner of unfunny crap this person posts:

http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/search/aut hor/darkside7000/133
Topic: REDESIGN!
Darkside7000's insight:
we should eat puppies...

RANDOM HUMOUR IS FUNNEH GUYS! CHEESE MONKEY STEAMROLLER

http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/search/aut hor/darkside7000/76
Topic: I got a girlfriend!
Darkside7000's insight:
Oh... I felt happy for you for a second.
I almost had one once, it was almost cool

Get it? He's lonely.

To prove he hasn't grown out of it, let's select a recent number:

http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/search/aut hor/darkside7000/3
Topic: Who plays silkroad?
Darkside7000's insight:
I did for awhile, but the servers where always loaded. There's also way to much grinding. Runescape still pwns it.

Of course he plays runescape. Of-fucking-course.
And he used "pwn" as well. Brilliant.

Topic: if you could choose a power
Darkside7000's insight:
Oh just die in a forest fire already...

Ooh ICE BURN!

Sift through some of his posts yourself, and paste the particularly fucking awful bits here, it's not hard.

Of and for the first person to go through mine and find some particularly shitty moment, give yourself a big high five, and jerk away the rest of your night.

Look, I may be a bit aggressive here, and Darkside7000 is a fellow Australian, and I know we are supposed to stick together but seriously man, you are really really fucking awful.
You need to either develop a real sense of humour, some intelligence or just stop posting.
I have no preference, in fact all three would be just dandy.

Enjoy your first ever call-out.

At 1/14/08 07:06 AM, Insert-Pie wrote: Because everyone who plays drums just sat behind a kit one day and were able to play. None of them practiced.

Listening to the black album and st. anger I'm willing to believe this is a realistic possibility with Metallica

They used to be amazing, but nowadays the drums sounds like a skeleton masturbating in a filecabinet

This thread is a cornucopia of stupid

At 1/14/08 05:12 AM, Darkside7000 wrote: I'll stick with Runescape thanks.

This is the funniest post I have read on the internet in a long long time.
The indignant way in which it was said, like you were taking the high road in the issue.

Don't get me wrong, EVE online is also a complete piece of shit.
But in about 6/12 months you are going to realise exactly what all that runescape has done to you, and I hope you come back and read this post.

God damn that's so very beautiful.

At 12/29/07 11:23 AM, Shadow-XII wrote:

At 12/29/07 11:20 AM, lnstinct wrote:

Post a picture of this lovely 'gal already!

Age sixteen; best one I have of her:

Her face is a bit long and she's kinda brown .. and I probably wouldn't go for a woman who can't walk upright..

I'd say ask the one on the right out instead, she's the better choice.

Hahaha!
All the 13 year olds are talking smack about how bad marriage is.
The poor fuckers still believe girls have cooties.

God now I remember why I left.

Wow.
I haven't visited the forum for quite a while, and I return to this.

I think I've lost about 10 bucks my old friend.
After the volleyball story many moons ago, I had you pegged for gay.

Congratulations anyway.

C'mon you sad sacks, the time has come once again.

Post your various myspace, facebook, beebop whatever the hell all the other things are and get some pure molten NG love all over them.

I'll begin with a simple myspace: Easy as that

Join in the fun people!

At 10/19/07 12:46 AM, Frank wrote: www.myspace.com/FrankHowley

You were fucking brilliant in Superbad.

This is a sad sign of where the NG forums have gone.
Now we have a bunch of unfunny fucks trying to be cool by making fun of a little girl dying.
Well ho-fucking-rah dipshits, there is one less girl in this world that won't fuck your doritoes-coloured dick.

I know I have asked, and you may have to, hypothetically what would happen if you were to take a dutch children's show, and phonically subtitle it in English.
Why it seems someone has.
And the answer?
Comedy gold of course.

http://okfuture.net/2007/09/09/dutch-kid s-show-translation/

Enjoy.
The funniest thing I have seen on them thar interwebs for many an age

To cover the proverbial legal arses.
Besides, no one lies on the internet

Let's get Rick Roll'd!

Never gonna give you up
Were no strangers to love
You know the rules and so do i
A full commitments what Im thinking of
You wouldnt get this from any other guy

I just wanna tell you how Im feeling
Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up (x2)
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

We've know each other for so long
Your hearts been aching
But you're too shy to say it
Inside we both know whats been going on
We know the game and were gonna play it

And if you ask me how I'm feeling
Don't tell me you're too blind to see

Give you up. give you up
Give you up, give you up
Never gonna give
Never gonna give, give you up
Never gonna give
Never gonna give, five you up

I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
Gotta make you understand

There is nothing on earth more beautiful than the denim dance.
Not even the bartender.

At 10/2/07 05:03 AM, KingPaulP wrote: the worst thing a BBS user can do is masterbate whilst using BBS, to all you wanking BBS users out there, im watching you...... whilst wanking.

God this post is hawt.
Lost it.

Be Thirteen.

At 9/25/07 05:15 PM, KarpaL-TunnaL wrote: I don't need advice to get laid.

He's got chloroform and a sister with a lock on her bedroom door

At 9/23/07 12:29 AM, Vousielle wrote: Not new, Baby T-rex had feathers too. None of this is really new.

How is it not new because another reptile had it confirmed first?
That is insanely stupid.
"Hey! This bottlenosed dolphins can talk"
"Pff. Old news, Humans can already talk."

At 9/22/07 11:14 AM, Narfer wrote: Old news. I knew this my whole life :P

I suppose deep down I knew it too.
But i didn't dare let myself dream..

It would be brilliant.
Imagine at the end of Jurassic park 3.
They are helicoptering out and all of a sudden raptors come flying through the air
going "Nice try motherfucker, but noone escapes raptors!"

Scientists Say Velociraptor Had Feathers

WASHINGTON (AP) - Velociraptor, the terrifying predator made famous in the movie "Jurassic Park," appears to have had feathers in real life.

A close study of a velociraptor forearm found in Mongolia shows the presence of quill knobs, bumps on the bone where the feathers anchor, researchers report in Friday's edition of the journal Science.

Dinosaurs are believed to be ancestors to modern birds. Evidence of feathered dinosaurs has been found in recent years, and now velociraptor can be added to that list.

"Finding quill knobs on velociraptor ... means that it definitely had feathers. This is something we'd long suspected, but no one had been able to prove," Alan Turner, lead author on the study and a graduate student of paleontology at the American Museum of Natural History and at Columbia University in New York, said in a statement.

The velociraptor the researchers studied was about three feet tall and weighed about 30 pounds. The size of these animals was exaggerated in the movie.

It had short forelimbs, compared to a modern bird, the researchers said, indicating it would not have been able to fly, even though it had feathers.

The feathers may have been useful for display, to shield nests, for temperature control or to help it maneuver while running, they said.

Source: http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5hfrz4 P9iuz2PMVx546JTCapQvsNA

Holy. Fucking. Shit!

At 9/20/07 07:29 AM, Kuro wrote: Summarise Games: Write unfunny summarisations, while swearing profusely.

Kuro: Suck copious amounts of dick, while feeling superior to everyone else.

Here's the game.

We take video games, and summarise them in one short statement.
You dig?
Of course you dig.

Let's get started

Tetris:Stack shit up.

GTA: Shoot shit up.

Manhunt: Kill shit up.

Splinter Cell: Kill shit up. Quietly.

Super Mario Franchise: Jump on shit.

Jet Set Radio Future: Rollerblade. Fast.

Alright, your turn.

I look around and I see a lot of new Pokemon

The crowd laughs

SHUT UP. This means you have been breaking the first two rules of Pokemon Stadium

At 9/19/07 08:31 AM, Catoblepas wrote: Increase the frequency of my voice, Hit my female dog.
Increase the frequency of my voice, Hit my female dog.
Increase the frequency of my voice, Hit my female dog.

Change my pitch up, smack my bitch up.

Clues for mine:
First song - The man died in a plane with the big bopper and Richie Valens

Last song - This duo is only here to Rock your socks off.

At 9/19/07 08:23 AM, SeizureDog wrote: I think you vastly underestimate how insanely hard this is.

It's no fun unless it's a challenge.
When we come to a new page I will reveal all those of mine that remain unsolved.
Feel free to submit your own. That's part of the fun.

I'm partial to the Seizure-Dog.

Okay here's the game.

You take any rock lyrics, and up the intelligence on them.
Then the other sad saps come along and try to guess what song it is.
You dig? Of course you dig.

Example:

When we are together
I am not shackled. Nothing can hold me.
I haven't the slightest worry.
And I doubt not what you say.

That would be My Sacrific - Creed.
(Yeah it's a shit song but will do as an example.)

Okay, here are the first ones. And of course feel free to add your own.

Song One:

The full compliment of my hearts desire.
The complete set of my affectionate displays.
You cannot fathom what it is you haven't had the pleasure of experiencing.
By Jove, when we are as one.
All seven corners of the world will observe
That you were crafted as to my will.

Song Two:
Pitch blackness encircles us.
Your cranium is an unexplored forest.
There is nothing that can control your love.
For what it wishes cannot be out imagined.
The gateway to your soul opens far.
And though no one can purchase the immortal piece of you
they can distract and delude you.

Song Three:
The couple from Verona
Will never cease being as one
It is this we must duplicate.
I beg of you my love.
Embrace death.

Song Four:

With the speed of a winged messenger of the damned escaping it's confines
I shall depart you, as the sun doth rise.
When this joyous darkness ceases I shall be no more.

Song Five:

I wish to leave at great speed.
I wish to cover myself so as no one can see me
I wish to destroy the barriers that cage me
I wish to stretch and feel the embers.
In the land without designated routes.

And an easier one if you didn't know any of them
Song Six:
While I assure you I have no delusions of being the finest composer in the land
I do pay my dues to them, and honour their work.
My mind draws blank at the epic works of said geniuses
But I still show respect.

Alright! That should be more than enough to get you started. Name the ones you can, and write out some of your own

Now, ancient trainers found their pokeballs got cleaner if they washed them at a certain spot in the river. You know why?

No.

Pokebattles were once made on the hills above this river. PTNs used, Potion speeded through the bellsprouts to create X-SPECIAL.

[holds up a bottle]

This is X-SPECIAL - the crucial ingredient. The X-SPECIAL combined with the Nuggets, till a rare, candy-like discharge crept into the river. May I see your hand, please?

[Bulbasaur licks his lips until they're gleaming wet - he takes the Geodude's hand and kisses the back of it]

What is this?

This...

[USE RARECANDY ON GEODUDE? YES/NO ... YES]

... is a level up.

Sometimes Bulbasaur spoke for me.

He ran out of pokemon. He blacked out.

I ran out of pokemon. I blacked out.