Newgrounds.com — Everything, By Everyone.

Am I the only one who got a throbbing hardon reading this?

I don't have a diagnosis for anything.

I'm really depressed and I'm pretty sure I've got OCD, but that's it.

I have a 2.2GHz processor; 512MB of ram; a 200GB hard drive; and a pissy little 56MB no-name video card.

What I look like: Morbidly obese; long, thick, curly hair; small penis; massive head, even for my ample frame

What I like: Food, the internet, and sleeping
What I did today: Slept until noon and watched a Marathon of Married With Children on Spike. After eating Burger King I came here to talk of masturbation and cock jokes.

At 12/29/08 07:39 PM, mustangman24 wrote: float like a butterfly sting like a bee.

Floats like a butterfly, stings like when I pee.

I'm a gluttonous slop. I eat almost everything as long as it wasn't once part of a human body or an insect.

No. If I could do it, I most certainly would.

I don't know about any of the percentages, but I'm mostly Irish and German.

I'm also part Cherokee.

Every last thing in this thread looks orgasmic.

At 12/29/08 02:24 AM, Krbyfan1 wrote: You should also invest in macaroni and cheese with ketchup.

I have always done that.

That sounds like a really good idea. If you want to save even more money, you can eat out of dumpsters.

I pick at my skin compulsively.

I bite the inside of my lip, often making it bleed.

I get an erection every time someone female talks to me, unless they're a member of my family or extraordinarily ugly.

I pick at, and bite my nails.

Every time someone touches me, I get really excited. I am desperate for human contact. (Male or female.)

Why don't you jerk off? That will learn them to pull you away from your porn machine.

I'm morbidly obese.
I jerk off with my left hand.
My penis is small.

Am I special now?

My catchphrase is "I'LL SUCK YER DICK!"

I believe in ghosts, but I am thoroughly convinced that there are no real ghost pictures on the internet. You and your photoshopping shenanigans. . .

I found this site several years ago looking for porn.

I didn't even know this website had forums until about 1 year ago, and I didn't give a shit until recently.

I wonder how long until Chris Crocker posts a video on youtube begging everyone to leave Miley Cirus alone.

Zeitgeist seems to be the video that all angsty teens simultaneously cream themselves over, whilst slapping each-other firmly on the ass.

No, thanks. I'll stick to porn.

Any hunk of meat laden with either A1 or Jim Beam hot sauce and onions is orgasmic.

Shaving periodically is not going to magically increase the growth rate of your hair.

Just fucking shave; you'll look better.

Once you're actually growing hair on enough of your face and in large enough quantities, then ask yourself if you want a beard.

At 12/26/08 04:52 PM, WeedClock wrote:

At 12/26/08 04:20 PM, Vile-Pudding wrote: I just turned 18 yesterday and I'm bored. What should I do?

have sex with a female for the first time in ur life.

In a lot of states the Age of Consent is lower than 18. In Michigan, the state in which I reside, the legal age is 16.

While I'm too ugly to get sex, I can still consent to it.

And nobody gives a shit about drinking age. Turning 21 only means that you can do it legally wherever-the-fuck-you-want.

I hate children with a passion.

My uncle had a child a few years ago; and my once-meth-addicted cousin got knocked up twice in the past couple of years. I'm starting to dread seeing them. I really hope I don't have to watch their little shits throw a tantrum.

At 12/25/08 11:14 PM, Calebkitchen wrote: get a macbook air

its all Mac-ish goodness :3

Calling something "Mac-ish" is hardly a good way to convince someone to get a fucking computer.

Christ. Unless he's an elitist faggot, he wouldn't care.

I'm not very excited. I do love Christmas time, but I'm no longer a kid. I'll probably duck out around 1am. I doubt I'll have any trouble sleeping tonight.

The only reason I don't stay up until 4am like every other night during vacation is that it's somewhat tradition to wake up early.

At 12/24/08 07:35 PM, hinaluv13 wrote: Mine was new clothes (boring!)

I want clothes this year. I haven't got shit to wear that doesn't have holes in it!

At 12/24/08 02:28 PM, Shnam wrote: Don't make fun of Hagrid, he is badass.

I know, rite?

At 12/24/08 02:47 PM, Dew wrote: I don't know which is better, "Sausage hands" Or boney hands. Short girls in general are kinda' lame, lol.

Except when someone, like me, has an insane midget fetish.

My penis growing is also a harbinger of the end times.

It's only ever done that temporarily.

I've always preferred the Hammer. But then again, I'm no longer a mod on any site and have no real right to say that.

Pfft, your mistletoe is no match for my Toe-Missile.

I never go outside. I'm never social. That is exactly what my daily life is like.

I'm lonely.