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The style here is very old. It feels like reading through an old Lovecraft story. Many of the the words you've chosen aren't going to be in the average reader's vernacular. That style, unless a reader is used to it, can be very cumbersome...that being said, I enjoyed this short, detailed, almost fable-like story. The idea of a young man literally killing himself to find out if he is attractive is darkly comical in its honesty. Nice work.

Hey gang! In case you haven't heard, there is a writing competition afoot. It costs nothing to enter but time and effort, and the winner gets a $25 dollar amazon gift card. So, quite literally, you have nothing to lose! Check out all the details here. There is still plenty of time to participate (and I hope you will!)

See you in the forums!

At 9/13/14 11:02 PM, TheDoor6 wrote:

At 9/13/14 08:01 PM, Krash17 wrote: Guild meeting tonight
I hope to see you all there
Also, Cops is on

Sorry, Krash. Could not
go. I had work until 10
o'clock. ____ my life.

Hey man, life happens
In the meantime, please friend me
Watch for updates soon!

Guild meeting tonight
I hope to see you all there
Also, Cops is on

It allows me to explore my brain, and think about things from different perspectives. One of the greatest things about creating characters is getting to live as that character for a time. It's a powerful feeling.

Is it so dire,
To tilt one's head back and dream?
I'm drinking alone.

*sips tasty brew*

Twenty-four hours.
That's how long I work today.
Send me new jobs, please.

sips coffee

Scorching sands, shifting
Find their way to dark nethers
A day at the beach

*sips cider*

Writers, readers, dream-makers...I am happy to announce an official end to my hiatus on this second day of September, 2014. El Presidente Tremax and I had a nice chat and are bringing WNG back to the forefront with more projects, more updates, and more community involvement. Don't forget, big WNG meeting on September 13th @8P.M. Eastern via Skype. If you need the info for our Skype chat, contact Tremax and let him know!

First, I'm very excited that the Drama Anthology so many of us worked on this summer will soon be released after this long break. If you are feeling creative and want to be a part of it, it is not too late!! We already have a ton of great submissions, but there is always room for more. Contact me or Tremax for more info! Last date for entries is September 20th!

Secondly, myself and superstar Troisnyx have collaborated for some time in the shadows to take a poem that I prepared for our drama anthology and expand into our other NG communities via an audio submission. The poem is called As We Fall, and is about the importance of creation, something I think we can all identify with. It is my hope that projects like this will encourage us all to branch out, work together, bring other creative minds into the WNG, and give the writing community of Newgrounds the due attention it deserves...But first, we have to earn it!

As the bigger announcements come down the pipe, why not channel your creativity into some fine haiku? "A Haiku a Day" is as simple as it sounds and greater than you may think. Big props to Elephly for coming up with this idea. Keep up the great work!

This guy, Elephly?
"A haiku a day"...Damn, man.
Wish I thought of that.

Guys, I'm stoked to be back, and I hope you'll all welcome me as I step into the role of Vice President. Oh hey, I guess that means the Supreme Alpha spot is open now huh? Hmmmmmm....

Don't hesitate to contact me with any questions, comments, or ideas. See you in the forums!

Months in absentia
Heart struggles against its foes
Friends bring healing winds

*Sips booze*

At 8/24/14 01:44 PM, Jonlenn wrote: Ok, so can anyone fill me in on whats going on the guild?

Updates soon, stay tuned. Also, I'm back!

I walk towards the door, but as I approach I hear her in the bedroom. She sounds muffled, as if someone or something is keeping her from screaming out. A Hunter must be in the house.

[and then]

My pace quickens towards the door, but I still try to be silent, prowling down the hall. I haven't slept...could it be a false alarm? I don't want her to know I was here, but I want her harmed even less. The muffled sounds bubble out from under the door as a scream, cut short by a sickening smack. The sounds spurs me into a rage: there is no more room for caution as I kick in the door, ready to fight.
My adrenaline is high and all the information hits me at once. Blood by the open window, a piece of what could only be her nightgown fluttering in the breeze, caught on a loose nail. Sounds of struggle and muffled screams from outside, a door slams, engines rev, and there is another shape in the room with me, one that wasn't here before.
Dawn reflects off of steel as I turn, but the Hunter is already on me, driving me back, his blade blurring and humming as he slashes, tendrils of electricity crawling across its surface. I have time to think of how careless I was as the Hunter sends me sprawling over a chair with a deep gash across my arm. My head slams against something solid as I hit the floor, muddling my thoughts and blurring my vision. I can see my blood splattered across the wall, across her paintings and portraits, rivulets of crimson crawling down towards the floor, some staining her bed, her empty bed...All I wanted was to protect her, and now...this.

The hunter straddles over me, electric blade in hand, chuckling beneath his mask.

[and then]

The birds are dead.

They suffered a lot.

The blood was red.

The bodies will rot.

Good God that is bleak. But I really did like it. I think the rhythm in your second poem was better than in the first, and I thought it elicited stronger emotions. The first poem smacks of hope, while the second one is the shattering of that hope. Nicely done.

Hey everybody! One of the first things I saw when I woke up this morning is that Tom Fulp gave us a short mention in his "People 2 Follow" post. The next thing I saw is that after only one week, WNGhas moved from a small group of 4 or 5 people to over twenty. To commemorate our great start, and to toast to more success to come, I decided to release a sample of the poem I am submitting for the anthology. It's 8 stanzas long in total, and I'm posting the first four below. I hope you'll enjoy my first serious piece of poetry for WNG, "As We Fall".

Born into the world
Screaming, alive
Finite Time
A finite life
Heart beating like a ticking clock

A day comes when you can hear it.
Faintly, it flutters, barely a sound
Then, an unstoppable pounding of a drum
A steady background noise
Growing louder as time runs down

Some days, it is the only sound.
Its existence capturing all thoughts
Hammering onward in a fury
Wrathfully drowning all other sounds
Stopping, only to kill

Oldest enemy of man;
Dread silence of an idle heart,
The symphony of the dead.
Is there a greater foe,
Or one more victorious?

Well, is there?! Look out for the full release for our Jun 20h anthology for the answer. Do you want to write with us? Join us, and get in on some of our projects. Think my writing is really terrible and would like to tell me why in great detail? You sound like someone with a passion for editing, and we could use you too. Think about joining us, won't you? Click my sig below for more info!

At 5/30/14 02:47 AM, Diki wrote: It has been a while since I was last active on here, providing feedback/criticism on some people's submissions. Given that what you've written is pretty short, and does look like it has already had some editing, I figured I would get back on the critiquing bandwagon. I'll just quote parts of the story and respond to them below.

Diki. Thanks a lot for your feedback, and taking the time to review. That was pretty humbling lol but I appreciate you being blunt with me, and giving me some tips in the process.

The main thing that got me was the preview...I've never previewed anything before, so it was difficult to decide where to cut it off. I think where I cut it was kind of arbitrary, and after reading it again I can see that it definitely makes it seem like the focus of my story is about a guy driving home high and being paranoid about it. That is an issue, and something I'll certainly take into consideration in the future.

The other main issue that I can't believe I overlooked is that in using this perspective, I failed to identify whose perspective it actually was. It was supposed to be Tyler's, but you identified it incorrectly as Andrew in your review, and that is entirely my fault. Tyler is the main character, and develops more as the story goes on, but the whole thing is sort of a slow build with a late climax, also stunted by the way I chopped up the preview. The other characters...Ronnie, Angie, Andrew: they are intended to be 1 dimensional, to be more like furniture in Tyler's life than any kind of meaningful relationship. Tyler, however, is intended that way at the start, but changes as the story progresses.

The list goes on and on, as I can see from your diligent stretching of the NG character limit in your review. But really...I can't tell you how much I appreciate the time it took you to dissect this for me. I'm going to take a lot of the things you said for action and make some corrections before the final release.

Thanks Diki! I'll hope you'll lend your skills to some of the other previews coming around in the forums!

No, not like get the rtf itself, but to download the rtf into the server.

I don't think I understand the question lol are you asking how I posted it on the site?

At 5/29/14 06:21 PM, AxTekk wrote: Erm, roses are red
So are lots of other things
In fact I think roses are more red
Than red things are roses

Roses are red,
My car is red,
Redheads are red
Red crayons are also red

Roses are red
Violets are too
If they're covered in blood
Pewpewpew

I know, isn't it impressive how I rhymed fuck yourself with fuck yourself?

Reminds me of a Black Sabbath song...

"Generals gathered in their masses
Just like witches at black masses"

Worked for Ozzy, why not you too?

At 5/29/14 05:22 PM, protoAuthor wrote: roses are red
fuck yourself
no seriously
fuck yourself

IRON SHEIK MAKE YOU HUMBLE

You know, I really liked the part of this where it was about fucking yourself. Really makes you think.

At 5/29/14 05:26 PM, protoAuthor wrote: WIth that wall of text, I'm a little intimidated in checking it out, but I'll try to get around to it

so much enthusiasm

Haha...thanks for your interest. Yeah I pretty much love writing, I get a little...enthused.

This is a poem written by a friend of mine who wishes to remain anonymous. I love this poem because anyone could have written it. Not a lot of time was spent on it, he never writes anything, there isn't some big underlying message...yet it's based on a model everyone knows, so the rhythm is there and the rhyming is easy. If you are wanting to try writing, this is a good model to get you started, because although this is simple, it cracks me up every time I read it. Maybe I just have a dumb sense of humor. He calls it Dumptruck and it goes like this.

Roses are red
My name is Dave
This poem sucks
Microwave

See how easy that is?! I'd love to read YOUR "Roses are Red" poems. Leave 'em in comments!

At 5/29/14 08:25 AM, TomJason wrote: So I'm new with these download things, and I wonder; how could I download an rtf file?

Rtf is just"rich text format". Rtf files can be opened with Microsoft Word or WordPad. Thanks for your interest!

This is a sample of my submission to WNG's very first anthology! Man I can not wait for this thing to come out. I've gotten the opportunity to read some of it already and was pretty impressed. We're all still testing the waters with each others' styles and abilities, but I think things are looking good. If you haven't already, come and join us, we're always looking for fresh perspectives and fresh ideas, and I would personally love to have new authors to collaborate with on new projects.

ANYWAY! WNG plug is out of the way, on with the story. Taking place in rural Illinois, Wasteland is a piece of contemporary fiction about good people with bad habits, and about what it takes for someone to take the kind of hard look at their decisions that is required as catalyst to any substantial life change. I hope you'll enjoy my submission to WNG's FIRST EVER ANTHOLOGY....Wasteland.

FOR ALL THE WRITING NERDS (like me):
I wrote this story in a third person limited perspective...I found myself positively assaulted with a barrage of pronouns. I didn't think it would be as much of a struggle as it was, but I fought through it. The submissions for this anthology, if you decided to write a story, had a 2'000 word cap...a cap I initially exceeded by 240 words. I was intimidated by the idea of cutting out 240 words from what felt like such a short story...where would I find the words to cut?

I was surprised to find how easy it was. Working with this cap was a blessing in disguise for me. On the one hand, I was discouraged because it felt constraining, and once I blasted through the word cap, I was temporarily lost. On the other hand, forcing myself to trim it down to that 2000 resulted in what I think is a leaner, tougher, more concise story. In other words, the freedom with which I wrote the original work actually ended up dampening my results. After I did some serious editing, I found not only was I able to get it into the right word count (although at the VERY maximum), I was more satisfied with the end product.

So, moral of the story, taking a critical look at your work is essential. Most aspiring writers don't have a team of editors to back up their vision. All we have is our own drive, and our peers. WNG ALL THE WAY (sue me!)

Looking forward to reading the rest of the anthology...June 20...Can't wait!!

So now that I'm done with this...that means I am ready for more side projects! Woot! If anyone has ANY project that they would like to collaborate on, I am available, and I am ready to get working immediately. Want to work on a story together? Sounds great. Want to spearhead a Story Relay project like this one I started last week? You know I'm down. Want me to write a poem about your cat? Hell yes, I WANT to write a poem about your cat. PM me.

Krash, WNG

At 5/28/14 01:54 PM, alafujah wrote: Have you read ( What there is of) my new story, Sweet Revenge?

I'd be happy to read your work, I'm in the mood for a good bit of fantasy. If you're looking for some peer review or would just like to talk shop with other writers, check out WNG. We've got a quickly growing member base and big plans ahead. Plus, you can have some free editing, and who doesn't love that?

If not, just PM me because I still want to read your work and chat with you about it.

run back to the sperm coated mountain tops

I thought this was pretty good, except for this one line that really threw me for a loop. There is absolutely nothing wrong with sexual themes in literature, but this one line felt really out of place. And it was gross, do you realize how big a mountaintop is? If we're talking a regular mountain, except everything above the tree line is sperm...God, imagine the smell of it though.

Genuinely liked the rest of it though, especially the stanza describing how she used to smile. Would be interested to read an explanation of the sperm coated mountain tops.

It might be cool to do some poetry with you in the future, if you're interested in collaborating. Click the link in my sig, think about maybe doing some projects with WNG.

At 5/26/14 08:59 PM, Feetsy wrote: comb

This is awesome. Please submit to the art portal.

At 5/26/14 09:52 PM, Sockembop wrote:

At 5/26/14 06:16 PM, Krash17 wrote: wtf

wtf?

Omg it's absolutely horrid thank you so much! This the is the first thing I saw when I woe up this morning. Today is gonna be a good day, thanks.

Long ago, a friend brought to me a drawing from his girlfriend's son. It was so grotesque, it horrified me to the point of hysterics. I wrote a poem about it to chronicle this beast forever. It looked like some kind of torsoless blob with combs for hands and arms and legs growing wildly out of its head. There was a speech bubble scribbled in that said "For my tom" (buddy's name) and at the top of the page, cryptically written, was "Armgrgomorf". Thus, that is what I came to name this creature. (pronounced arm-GURG-oh-morf)

If you are interested, let me know. I'd love to be the written inspiration for your artistic skillz. I really want to see this thing done by an adept hand, instead of a child, to really bring out the frightening elements that drove me to write about it in the first place. He's described in great detail in the poem below. Think horrifying. Make me unable to sleep.

Now, for your reading pleasure or displeasure, I present to you

ARMGRGOMORF

A frown
A grin
An absence of chin
The terror of Armgrgomorf
Now will begin

Haunting your closets,
under your bed,
Footless legs
Handless arms
Reach out from its head

"For my tom!"
The Armgrgomorf cries
As ink-blacks
and stark crimsons
flow from its eyes.

Run to the hills!
Run to your home!
Armgrgomorf hunts you
And your scalp,
he shall comb!

There you have it. Dude has comb-hands. Fucking creepy. Should be a fun project, let me know if your interested, or please feel free to berate me for my awful poetry.

All spots have been filled, thanks to all contributors! Be on the lookout for more projects like this in the future, and of course, if anyone has any projects going on, I'd be happy to contribute.