610 Forum Posts by "House-Of-Leaves"
At 5/31/03 04:13 PM, House_Of_Leaves wrote: It's from a book called "Lame: the Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal" by Christoper Moore.
*cough* Let's try that again.
"LAMB: ..." Not "Lame". LOL
THIS IS A LONG POST! I WARN YOU NOW!
Most of it is text from a book that I raved about a while back, tho not in this forum. It's not political, perse, but I've decided to post it anyway in light of a few other threads, and the fact that it might spur some controversy among the masses. Well. Maybe not controversy, but at least entertaining conversation and speculation.
It's from a book called "Lame: the Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal" by Christoper Moore. In this small passage, Christ and Biff are writing the Sermon on the Mount together, and discussing the beatitudes.
Small note: Jesus' name, in hebrew, is actually Y'shua. In this book he was "Joshua". The names in front of each line are not usually there. I did that for ease of reading.
Jesus: "What I need is help writing this sermon. How we doing on the Beatitudes?"
Biff: "Pardon me?"
Jesus: "The blesseds."
Biff: "We've got: Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness; blessed are the poor in spirit, the pure in heart, the whiners, the meek, the--"
Jesus: "Wait, what are we giving the meek?"
Biff: "Let's see, uh, here: Blessed are the meek, for to them we shall say, 'attaboy.' "
Jesus: "A little weak."
Biff: "Yeah."
Jesus: "Let's let the meek inherit the earth."
Biff: "Can't. You gave the earth to the whiners."
Jesus: "Well then, cut the whiners and give the earth to the meek."
Biff: "Okay. Earth to the meek. Here we go. Blessed are the peacemakers, the mourners, and that's it."
Jesus: "How many is that?"
Biff: "Seven."
Jesus: "Not enough. We need one more. How about the dumbfucks?"
Biff: "No, Josh, not the dumbfucks. You've done enough for the dumbfucks. Nathaniel, Thomas--"
Jesus: "Blessed are the dumbfucks, for they, uh -- I don't know -- they shall never be disappointed."
Biff: "No, I'm drawing the line at dumbfucks. Come on, Josh, why can't we have any powerful guys on our team? Why do we have to have the meek, and the poor, the oppressed, and the pissed on? Why can't we, for once, have blessed are the big powerful rich guys with swords?"
Jesus: "Because they don't need us."
Biff: "Okay, but no 'Blessed are the dumbfucks.' "
Jesus: "Who then?"
Biff: "Sluts?"
Jesus: "No."
Biff: "How about the wankers? I can think of five or six disciples that would be really blessed."
Jesus: "No wankers. I've got it: Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake."
Biff: "Okay, better. What are you going to give them?"
Jesus: "A fruit basket."
Biff: "You can't give the meek the whole -earth- and these guys a fruit basket."
Jesus: "Give them the kingdom of heaven."
Biff: "The poor in spirit got that."
Jesus: "Everybody gets some."
Biff: "Okay then, 'share the Kingdom of Heaven.' I wrote it down."
Jesus: "We could give the fruit basket to the dumbfucks."
Biff: "NO DUMBFUCKS!"
Jesus: "Sorry, I just feel for them."
Biff: "You feel for everyone, Josh. It's your job."
Jesus: "Oh yeah. I forgot."
--end scene--
LOL, okay. That's it. Sorry for such a long-winded post, but if it doesn't spark any conversation, at least it'll make a few people laugh.
At 5/31/03 03:32 PM, antiqkk wrote: Note that in the Bible not much is said of his teenage years.
LOL, first, your post made me giggle.
About what I quoted, though. One of the funniest books I've ever read was "Lamb: the gospel according to Biff, Christ's childhood pal", and it was about that exactly.
In the bible, we see Christ's birth, we hear of him speaking/debating in the temple when he was...I can't remember. 10? 12? Then all of a sudden he's 30, and we hear of the last few years of his life.
"Lamb", writted by Christopher Moore, would probably be considered blasphemous by some of the more strict Christians about, but I LOVED IT! It told a fictional tale of Christ and Biff (nick name, his real name was Levi) and how they grew up. It was great. I highly recommend it. :)
Jesus punches Biff more than a few times. ;)
At 5/31/03 01:00 AM, arnamenta wrote: I assume you mean Working Assets? They've been my long distance company for about 6 months now. They're great. The rates are nice and low, there's not a ton of ads shoved in with the bill, switching was SO easy...
There's other features too. Every month they send a little newsletter about issues and books and who they're giving money to. I just got the yearly donation report, I can dig it out if you want more details.
I definitely recommend them. One thing I'd mention is to suggest you find someone you know who uses them. They can be your "referrer" or something and get more free hours, and I think you get more as well.
Yes, that's exactly the company I'm talking about. :)
I'm glad someone else has heard of it, and is using it. I purposefully left the name of it out to sorta...test the waters, see if someone else knew about it.
It sounds like a great deal, and I believe it IS cheaper than my current long distance. The phone bill and all is taken care of by my boyfriend, though, so he'll have to approve. That's the utility he's responsible for.
As for the political long-distance thing, I'm not sure if I get that. I'd love more info on that arnamenta, if you could. It would help me in convincing Tom that he needs to switch for me. ;)
AmericanBADASS needs a sense of humor.
Okay, my first question: George Bush Jr. or Sr.? I'm assuming the current president.
Well, being a woman, I wouldn't have to turn gay for anything. If I was on an island with him long enough, I might be able to find some halucinatory berries, eat them, and have sex with him while imagining he's Ben Affleck or something.
I'd most definitely not do the goat. Female goat? Milk. Male goat? Meat. Yummy.
At 5/31/03 07:31 AM, Slizor wrote:Slizor, just go to http://www.newgrounds.com/random.php and vote for 5 movies. You don't have to watch them.That cheating! Naughty naughty!
It's nothing to do with Flash, my computer is 6 or so years old. Its programs are corrupted and it is basically crap. I'm hoping to get a new one soon.
Actually, it's not cheating!
Don't you remember any movies you enjoyed to watch, or remember what they're worth, vote-wise?
Just vote on the same movies. :) You still get the same experience points for it.
As for Lyddie being a hottie, she IS! I'm afraid to post myself now, because she's so cute. :) I never really thought about posting a self-pic until that thread, but nah.
Sorry for the double post.
Somewhere in Funk's post, I somehow missed the quote about throwing stones. LOL. Wanted to appologize for repeating that.
Also, I wanted to comment on the 'covenant with God' part of Funk's post. It's just as true as it gets. We as humans can never NOT sin. It's just that simple. That's why a Saviour was needed. So we didn't have to attain the impossible.
Okay, there's so much I want to respond to that I can't quote it all! So...
First, to armamenta (sp?), you put perfectly what I generally stay away from, because most people just don't understand. It's basically what I was saying with the 'customs change' comment I've made, because that's exactly it.
For example, did you know that it was basically forbidden (tho not technically a sin) to shake hands the way we do nowadays? They used their right hands to clean their...uh...well. To wipe after defecating. It was considered 'unclean'...so I might be wrong. It very well MAY have been a sin. They shook with their left hands, and always grasped each other's forearms.
Thank you, armamenta, for putting that so well. :)
To FUNK! YOU rock! LOL. It's so true, Jesus was always getting in trouble for doing things that were 'sins', and yet...He understood that they really weren't against God. They were FOR God, He said so himself. Jesus was a rebel, man!
Okay, lastly...I can't remember what ...hmm. BCC, maybe? You were talking about being punished because they worked on sunday, which was considered a sin, and that it might have included stoning (or something similar)
Jesus didn't condone stoning. In fact, one of the most popular stories in the bible has to do with passing judgement. A woman was to be stoned. He stepped forward, picked up a stone, and said, "He who is without sin, cast the first stone." No one did.
Actually, come to think of it, I believe you used the word 'purified', BCC. :) Sure, Jesus believed we should all be purified so we were worthy of heaven. He worked His ass off toward that end. S'why He died, too. So we don't have to.
(DISCLAIMER: I'm not trying to convert anyone! I'm just stating what I believe.)
Ahh, y'see...I never did watch Dawson's Creek. So I wouldn't know about that. But it's good to know that it's happening SOMEWHERE, I suppose. Makes it less hypocritical.
Btw...it's channel 4 or 32 here. ;) Not all channels are the same everywhere. It's on the WB here.
I'm asking for opinions here more than anything.
I received an advertisment in the mail about a long distance company that calls itself 'progressive'. I'm suspicious, but intrigued.
Okay, first...if I switch, I get like...12 free pints of Ben and Jerry's ice cream. That's almost got me sold. Well, okay, not quite.
But...okay, this sounds like a neat deal. I'm wondering if it's worth it. First, they donate 1% of my bill (the original bill, they don't charge extra, they claim) to charities like the Children's Defense Fund, Doctors Without Borders ( I love that charity ), and Greenpeace. Their calling cards are made from recycled plastic (heehee). They'll give me 60 minutes of free long distance for 3 months. (total of 180 minutes)
But see...this is the part I think is neat. With each bill I'd get information about issues that deal with the charities involved, political and environmental issues, corporate law...and not only will they give me the phone number of the political leaders/businesses to call and target, but they'll give me free calls to do it.
I could call some politician in NYC and bitch at him for something stupid he did, and it would be FREE for me! LOL!
There's other stuff too, planting 100 trees for ever ton of paper used, a cheap monthly fee, low calling rates...but I just don't KNOW. Is it worth it, y'think?
At 5/30/03 04:40 PM, nitroxide wrote:
"But if any man be ignorant,ignores the rest of SpEeDFiReSrFr::
let him be ignorant."
1 Corinthians 14:38
Haha, beautiful. :)
It's funny how those WMD's haven't shown their faces. I disagree with why the war was started, but I'm very glad that Saddam Hussein is out of power.
There's a chance that the Iraqi people MIGHT have a normal exsistance eventually, with him out of power. I've been over and over my opinions about UN resolution 1441 and how it was broken, but that doesn't matter now. Or at least, it's not the issue. Not as much.
More people might die, yes. If Saddam Hussein was still in control, it's a GUARANTEE that more people would perish. Leaving him in power wouldn't have promoted peace in Iraq.
But I'll be damned if there weren't some bad consequences. All we can do now is hope that the worst is behind us.
Reality TV shits me.
So, I was addicted to American Idol. But that isn't people doing dangerous/stupid/hurtful things to themselves or others to make a buck or to get their 15 minutes of fame.
It's funny, really...they have to keep coming up with different ideas to keep reality tv fresh and appealing. I can see it now. We'll end up building an american version of the colliseum and feeding death-row inmates to lions. What would THOSE ratings be like!
All kidding aside, while I can't stand the 'bachelor' type shows, I don't think it should be cancelled because of the homosexuality. That's just silly.
You know what I just thought of, too?
We have all sorts of basic cable tv shows with gay characters, even gay leads. (I don't count Queer as Folk because it's on a cable channel that allows R-rated movies to air anyway). But I've noticed that these shows never ever EVER show serious male/male kisses. It's always comedic smooches, usually followed by funny faces, wiping of the mouth...all that.
Talk about hypocritical...I think it's Fox that had...some show. I never watched it, I can't remember the name, but it stars Tiffany Amber Thiesen (sp?). I recall seeing a commercial for one episode that called for Thiesen to make out with another chick. I guess it was part of one of her spy missions. But from what I understand, it was a huge, sloppy girl/girl kiss, and that was on basic cable.
Why is one alright, when the other isn't?
Feh.
The American government is...hmm. Hypocritical? Sure, in many ways. The constitution itself is a bit contradictory, I've recently fount out. Started chatting with a friend one day about constitutional law, and hot damn, he's a freakin' expert! lol
More than hypocritical, though...the american government is manipulative. It's facade of being such a rich, powerful country allows it to play with the rest of the world like a puppetmaster toys with his dummy. (I say facade because of, simply put, the national debt. Real wealth only occurs when all debts are paid.)
That's something I can't stand about this country. It's manipulation of the media, the local leaders, the military, police forces...everything. Feh.
God bless to you, too, Tio. :D
Shrike, that's AWESOME!
I hope to eventually be able to do things like that. That's really neat!!
A thought I had.
This is a suggestion for those that are either ambivalent on this subject, or those who live in an area that is very gay-friendly, and might not know just how hard the gay community has it in smaller, more rural areas.
The Laramie Project.
I was floored back when Matthew Shepard was murdered, but this play (now movie, as well) brought it into an entirely different light. I highly recommend renting the film version of the production...it's a diary of sorts by people who went to Laramie shortly after Matthew's death and interviews the people there, including friends, accquaintences, the boy that found him...
This drives home exactly why people like cannibal deeply disturb me. Two boys tortured Matthew, tied him to a fence in the middle of the Wyoming plains, and left him there to die. He was unrecognizable. And it was all because he was gay.
Everyone has the right to their opinion. I cannot deprive cannibal of that. I can, however, say it crosses a line when violence is threatened, or civil rights are blatantly taken away. I won't delve into that subject...Judge did it perfectly by taking the 'civil rights' angle, and making it very simply about love.
Hmm, it won't play movies? That's odd...have you re-downloaded flash and all that? Or...maybe...wow. That just doesn't seem like a good sign to me. lol
At 5/30/03 10:49 AM, JudgeMeHarshX wrote: Beautiful piece of writing.
Thank you for that, Judge. That touched me, because it was so well put. :)
We'll only know perfect freedom when we're free to love anyone we choose.
At 5/30/03 10:40 AM, JudgeMeHarshX wrote: I'd consider a sperm a human being if it wore a tophat and got a job at the bank. Until then, it's just another organism that's coating the walls of women everywhere.
OMG Judge, you NEVER FAIL to crack me up! LOL!!!
Funny story. Two of my friends, roomies, were getting ready to go out with me and my girlfriends. One took a shower, came out, looked at his pal (who was going in to take a shower of his own) and said, "Hey, man. Try not to step on my kids in there."
I about died!
I'll be happy to give pointers to anyone who needs it, though I might be asking more questions myself.
Though...one thing? Textures textures textures. I learned not too long ago that it's the lifeblood of Photoshop work.
www.deviantart.com has a great collection of stock photos you can use freely and without fear of breaking copyright laws, as long as it's for non-comercial use. There's people, objects, textures, things, whatever. It's under the 'stock photos' section.
At 5/30/03 09:56 AM, bumcheekycity wrote:
Jesus said love the sinner, hate the sin. She can sin and be a christian. Although, I don't regard homosexuality as a sin. To be a Christian you have to accept the teachings of Christ, who among other things, taught us to kill any man who worked on a Sunday or cheated on his wife.
I'm going to ignore cannibal, y'see. I have neither the time nor the inclination to debate with someone like that.
Now! BCC. :) I don't honestly think Christ taught that lesson, though it may be biblical. I'd like to see the passage, if you can, where Christ Himeself said that. If it was old testament, it wasn't Christ. If it was an apostle that said it, it wasn't Christ.
One issue with the bible is the translation and the men who wrote it. I can't be assured that there isn't a mistake. But I do know that if the stories are even partly true, that Jesus was friends with thieves and prostitutes...so I doubt that He would sentence a man to death for working on Sunday.
My biggest issue with the Good Book, however, is that cultures and customs and times change, and the book does not. In the same Old Testament, where a man could be stoned to death for working on a Sunday, it was also deadly to have a 'graven image'. That is, a picture of any sort. It was considered a false idol. Nowadays, though...we have photos EVERYWHERE, literally. Does that mean we should be stoned to death?
Nah, it just means that times and customs change. The problem with the Bible is that while the fundamentals are the same (peace, hope, love, and salvation), the details change with passing years. It's impossible to live by a book that's so old when the times are so new.
Plus...well. It's impossible to be Christ-like, period. If I were like Christ, I'd not NEED Him.
It all boils down to 'hate the sin, love the sinner'. Sin is very personal to each person. Some believe drinking alcohol is a sin. Others drink occasionally, and I'm sure they'll still get to heaven. I don't think homosexuality is a sin, perse. It might be. I have no clue, I'm not God.
I'm gonna stop babbling now. :D
First, Carlin's a funny man. :)
Second, I'm very much a Christian.
I'm also bisexual, with many, many gay friends.
If you look in larger cities, there are many churches that accept homosexuals, even marry them, because they go by the Christ-like ideal: hate the sin not the sinner.
Whether or not I'm sinning, I don't know. I'm not a follower of the bible, I'm a follower of the belief that all a person needs is to know that Jesus is God. The bible, all doctrines...everything else was simply written and translated by fallible man. I don't trust that.
I trust God. And I trust my heart. My heart tells me that some of the most beautiful people in the world have been the gay men and women in my life, and I will not turn my back on them, or myself, because I'm afraid. I'm not here to judge, that's not my job.
After all, every sin is equal in God's eyes. So while they may be sinning, so am I. I'm sleeping with my boyfriend out of wedlock. Uh oh. lol
I'm human, I can't be perfect. So I try to be the best I can without trying to be something I'm not. I suppose the whole point of this post is to say that there's more Christians out here that are gay-friendly than you think.
LOL, yes then. It is. The Photoshop Addiction has started.
I disagree that sperm is a HUMAN life before it meets the female egg. Until then, it's just a living organism.
We kill organisms every day, be it for food, out of fear, because we didn't hit the brakes fast enough...but it's not a human life, scientifically, until it's introduced to the egg, and the cell-separation begins.
Of course, religiously, you're right.
"Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you." That's a well-known biblical quote. That's also why so many believe that spilling of the seed is wrong.
I don't think your idea is about biblicality, though. :) If it was, though...you could add in the 'lustful thoughts' argument.
Yeah.
At 5/30/03 05:18 AM, bumcheekycity wrote: House, are you on some kind of drug?
No, just an insomniac that's been learning photoshop. :)
Okay, so now it's telling me I'm trying to doublepost, and I AM, but not the same THING! *waaaaah*
I forgot to post the freakin' picture. I'm a dork.
Okay, insomnia set in.
I used another 15-20 minutes to make a more simple one.
It's fun to make you smelly, FUNK!
At 5/30/03 01:30 AM, jimsween wrote: *rolls eyes* in 7 years china will have the majority of nukes. Might wanna rethink your theory.
As many of you know in 7 years (2010) USA and Russia will be getting rid of massive amounts of nuclear weapons. USA dropping down to 4,000 nukes and russia dropping to 1,000. China however will have 5,000, but the only threat they will be to is europe because china has not (and has no plan on) developed large amounts of Nuclear weapons. Now if the world survives through that than it is very likely Nuclear weapons will be eliminated. Anyone that honestly thinks that US will ever use a nuke first needs to do some reaserch first, thier most likely just spewing nonesense out of hate.
Jim, Jim, Jim. Please don't pretend to know what's going to happen? Thanks. :)
Though both theories are probable.
My theory is one that will just stir trouble and likely doesn't belong in this thread. I don't really have the inclination to defend religious beliefs and all that tonight. :)
How long do I give us, though?
The way things are going, my opinion is "not long at all." We're gonna be driven into the ground, I fear.
I can hope not, though.
Well, the detail isn't what I wanted, cuz I had to make it smaller. It was a good 100 pixels taller. :)
Also, yes...those are little clocks on the cruel little notes in the back ground. And the chick is half-photo, half edited freehand. Her clothes, hair, and facial expression, and pointing finger were all readone by me, cuz like..yeah. It was either something I didn't want, or not visible. And she wasn't pointing at all. LOL
This is the result of my boredom. Gah.
Okay. I went a little nuts.
I couldn't help it. I'm just now realizing I'm getting the hang of Photoshop. It doesn't give me a headache anymore. :)
Here you go. I don't expect you to use this for anything, Funk. :) I just had fun doing it!
At 5/29/03 10:21 PM, FUNKbrs wrote: as a complete bastard, I would just like to say: I love the new phrase "pull a ninja"
oh, and of course, FUNK clock.
*too lazy to make pic of musical note with streams of green stench and a clock on it*
No fear! You'll have a FUNKclock soon.
I was bored.
