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Alright I now have a general outline of Chapter 2 you guys are gonna love it!

At 1/28/10 08:34 PM, Hoogiman wrote: Hi, it certainly seems you have ambition with this story and you have a heap of ideas to convey. But I think as opposed to people with writer's block, I felt sometimes like it was just a mass of too much information. I can guess you were really really excited to get the ball rolling with this story because there was definite direction in the prologue.

Yeah but I'm kinda new to writing down instead of drawing and I've read lots of books its just that I'm still figuring out how I'll present it, the writing will probably get noticeably better as the story progresses and I get more advice for writing.

Not bad, I think if you're going to open with the setting, you should really focus on how isolated and how alone this character feels. What's around him? You don't necessarily have to say space, can you use other terms to describe this setting?

Well as you read you eventually figure out that he is in a black hole which really has no actual description.

Even try opening with something like: 'Regret. Why have I been tortured so?' ...something short and snappy like that makes the reader ponder.

You got a point there, I'll try to be more articulate with further chapters.

This description of what this very powerful character is, in this prologue is never quite clear. Is this your intent? Do we get to see any physical features of this character? Although you might want to reveal this later, a lot of people like to imagine the character... ...I'm a bit confused, is he a physical entity? Sometimes clarity, or emphasising those little details can go a long way. These are all suggestions of course.

Yes he is a physical being and the prologue is just a form of introduction to how the character arrives on earth. There will be much more descriptive terms in following chapters,

The only name-drop in the prologue? Why is it important to put it here, and only here? Could we familiarise ourselves with the name, even in some other way? Could we have heard a thought resonating in his head from the court, does he remember something someone said?

It is pretty important since he will eventually develop dual-personalities and Taurus will be the darker of the two. Not to mention it will be important post-Elemental War. And as for memories he won't tell a full account of them until further down the story, as he has currently developed amnesia.

You say he's tormented by memories... can he share even one or two of them in the prologue? A lot of your sentences start with the I, and although it's a first-person narration, this doesn't mean every sentence has to start with an 'I'.

Yeah but it is my first time really trying to write a full story so I'll get the hang of it soon and then come back and revise it.

This also varies it up and mixes it up a little bit, from being just a long stream of thoughts, to maybe some thoughts, to a memory, to his reactions to that memory (emotions) and back to more events.

"Tauros, You have betrayed us!" the constant scream resonates in my head.

Perhaps in future chapters.

Secondly, you provided a description for some of the events going on. I think you need to make it clear to the reader when he first sees it, because I was a bit confused with passing references to the Dominus Domino and etc.

Well when he finally regains his memories, I'll create a prequel to the story.

If this helps at all, I'll read more after if you'd like.

That would be much appreciated, I'll at least have 1 regular criticizer.

Chapter 2 will probably be a bit longer than chapter 1 since I'll include more detail.

Yeah that's true just like some jokes can only be in spanish. So you speak spanish right? Cuz if you do so do I! ( I know this is irrelevant to the thread but in a search for knowledge one must sometimes ask what is necessary)

....dang. exzeta beat me to it, okay everyone disregard what I said before and sorry for the double post.

At 1/28/10 08:13 PM, big-jonny-13 wrote:

At 1/28/10 08:06 PM, exzeta wrote: Comic here. Its in spanish tough.

Hrmm, lets see if I can get the dialogue right...
"This is my first comic
I know you're expecting something interesting
But no"
Then I got lost

What he says in the rest is that "the only thing you get is a crappy drawing on notebook paper with inserted text. It's badly scanned and a little tilted, don't expect too much more from future comics.
...and a bit of humor of course."

Yeah that's pretty much what is says am I right?

I knew that's what you were going for and I was going to say that but then I realized that what I said was funnier :P

Yeah you are right about yours being funnier and I might decide to create a back story about the reaper who'll heal you only to kill you.

Oh and if you ever have free time and have nothing to do you can read the story that I am currently writing and tell me what you think about it.

Alright I'll try my best at writing a piece of the first chapter.

Chapter 1
Awakening

...Darkness. I am surrounded by darkness. I feel as if I am suffocating under this immense darkness but know it is not the cause of my pain. I don't know who I am, or where I've come from, but I do wish to see light. I begin to struggle with this strange darkness only to feel it compress itself ever more tightly around me. I try to lift my hand but find it impossible to move. This is no ordinary darkness, I struggle more and more until eventually the darkness begins to loosen around me. I see a dim light above me and wish to reach it. I attempt to sit up but that proved to be a mistake. The darkness enveloped me tighter than before. Now I am completely immobilized. I cannot even begin to think of the word defeat, I will be free. Summoning the last of my strength I finally manage to emerge from this darkness into a strange plain.

The ground is covered in a strange green fuzz, and has spike protruding from it with even more fuzz, these spikes I assume are some sort of decoration. Upon closer inspection of the ground fuzz I realize that it seems to be made up of single strands of some type of spike that is green and does not have a ball of fuzz on top of it. I attempt to pick one up only to have the ground before my hand begin to smoke and turn black. I look at my hand and notice that it seems to be composed of the darkness except it has veins of glowing magma! This discovery greatly astonished me as I have never seen magma inside a living being. Then again I do not remember any other beings, so it must mean that I am alone. I then gazed up at the sky and was stunned to see that it was of a blue hue with white fuzz in it. Looking slightly lower I discover giant towering structures that appear to be made out of stone. This greatly startled me as I had never seen any structure similar to this, but I also don't know who I am so I guess it evens out. I continue to gaze around this strange wonderland ignoring any movement taking place around me.

I came to my sense after nearly being hit by a small white ball with indentations. At this time I realize that I am not the only one here and quickly find the other beings here. There is a small quadruped standing in close proximity to me and it for some reason is using harsh tones. These barks must be their ways of marking their territory I thought to myself. I proceeded to move away from this place in search of a quieter place where I could gather my thoughts. The strange quadruped followed me never ceasing to bark. After walking a few more minutes I grew tired of the quadruped's incessant barking and resolved to tell it to leave me alone. I turn around and grab the animal only to regret it a moment later. I heard it begin to yelp and it's fur began to burn I did not know at the time that I was killing it. After a few moments of holding on to the quadruped it stopped moving and it's barking finally stopped. I was free to think.

****************************************
***********************

I spent days wandering around what I now considered my territory. I had learned much about "humanity" as their language was easy to decipher. And half of the two-legged creatures that came here forgot their records of information. I soon learned that I had arrived in a place known as Texas somewhere in a country called The U.S. but had no idea exactly where I was. I also learned of the country's history not that it mattered to me but it did help to pass the time. Since I was alone and knew of no one else I resolved to figure out a way to become one of these humans. It took me a while to figure out the exact anatomy of the human body and especially all the proportions but I finally managed to memorize it all. My attempts at shape shifting were to commence the following day.

Most of my chapters will be of varying length beginning short and eventually being a decent length. I'll post chapter 2 tomorrow.

At 1/28/10 07:52 PM, big-jonny-13 wrote:

At 1/28/10 07:29 PM, GMoose14 wrote: Here's a piece I did for the NG Levels, whoever's first to notice what the irony of this pic is gets a cookie!

It's because the Reaper is helping you heal up. It's obviously because he didn't kill you the first time, so he wants to be fully healed up when he kills you.

Yup you guessed right, although the irony is that the reaper is helping to save lives instead of taking them but you were close enough, and as promised I will award you your cookie.

sorry couldn't resist taking a bite, Oreos rule!

Here's a piece I did for the NG Levels, whoever's first to notice what the irony of this pic is gets a cookie!

Decided I'd do level 11 since it was the only one left, so I decided to make the drawing ironic.

Level 11, Dark Aura, The Helping Reaper

Hope it's good enough...

At 1/28/10 01:38 AM, LemurGimmick wrote: Haha, well it'll come eventually, I only got my tablet like a year ago, and I'm 21. Pencil and paper kept me occupied up until then, haha.

Yeah you're right, I'll probably buy the Bamboo Pen & Touch whenever I can get $100 XD

Here's the original version of the guy with the blue background on page 1

At 1/28/10 01:36 AM, HahaISuckMoreThanYou wrote:

So if you finished the story already, post more of it :P want to read more.

The story is far from finished, and it will tie into the whole creation thing with a bunch of scientific theories. What I'm doing here is basing some of it on Intelligent Design. And the main character has a lot to do with the earth, and even though the story will resume 1994 it will eventually cross into the future.

As for the Search for atlantis thing, I'll make mine different, like I said it will be more of a thriller, so my story will be similar to a lot of the older books that talk about leaving things as they are.

So follow that example, come up with as much originality as you can in your stories.
This one, I like very much.

Well this story was first made up the summer before I went to 5th grade and from there I started changing the characters and making them mature and have their powers change, and as with the originality thing, my story will be one that'll stand out and probably piss off a lot of people if I ever manage to finish it.

At 1/28/10 01:08 AM, lookinamirror wrote: anyone up 4 grabs
-arts
-lip sync
-good or bad IDC
-if you want to join staff
- email me at juan.juarez2@yahoo.com
-short -simple easy
+_+

Dude if this is for a flash you should be posting it in the flash section, and if it isn't for a flash then you neglected to put a piece of your own art.

I'm pretty sure this is the kinda thread that gets locked.

At 1/28/10 12:32 AM, Sexylegs wrote: I enjoyed reading it, man.

But like someone previously said (no good with names, me), the novelty of this forum has yet to wear off. I'm not expecting anyone to read what I just wrote up, but I don't care. If no one reads it, sure it'll feel like a defeat but, plain and simply; fuck them. I'll just write another one. I know how good I can get if I set my mind too it. :)

But yeah like I said at the beginning, solid prologue (it was the prologue right?) to what should be a splendid story to read.

Yeah I plan on the story someday becoming a book or something, I'm planning on making it some sort of trilogy and the prologue is but a taste of what is yet to come, not only that but I also have other stories which are of a completely different type. I plan on writing a story about a fight between heaven and hell, and a futuristic story about the search for atlantis that takes place in the 2060's, although the atlantis one will be more of a thriller.

You have a background story, but-- there isn't really a story happening now.

Yeah that's kinda why I said that it's a type of prologue to the actual story.

As far as I can tell, people punished Taurus. And this is some sort of fantastical futuristic world where people can gain powers and things like that.

Well actually these event's happened a little after the universe was formed, so it happened a really long time ago. If you've ever read the Genesis chapter of the Christian bible it talks about how God created Man in his image. So I set up this story to be before that, the bible never mentions if there were any beings created before so I had quite some freedom with it.

Okay-- wonderful way to draw in people.
But-- what's the story?

Well the story will unfold as I write the main story hard to tell what's going on here because you don't know anything about Taurus or who he is, and yeah this is kinda him talking to himself.

Does Taurus kill people? Is he planning his revenge, or is he just talking about it?

Well since you gave me a really good review I'll tell you exactly what's going on in this part.

Taurus lived on a planet of massive size, due to having two cores the planet was like volcano except planet sized. Taurus's people are the only species found on this planet and since they were created really early in the universe they have extremely advanced technologies we can only dream of. They are generally human in shape and size but they look like walking pieces of lava(I'll include a pic of taurus as was pre-elemental war).

Taurus was one of the 13 Dominus Domino which are essentially a council of the 13 strongest and wisest of the planet. But unlike the rest of the 13 Taurus did not wish to colonize other planets by forceful means and refused to cooperate. So they took him to one of their laboratories and decided they would amplify his powers since he was the strongest of the 13. They planned to use a type of mind controlling device on him so that he would obey. Unfortunately he woke up before they could implant the device and he went on a rampage destroying the laboratory and killing the scientists in the process. When he arrived at his house he found his wife dead and his house in ruin. This caused him to go into a depression which led to them easily capturing him. At the trial they accused him of murder and since they knew that his mind would never be calm again decided that they would try to dispose of him by flinging him into a neighboring black hole. They never knew that since they had amplified his abilities he had become immune to the effects of intense gravity. This is mainly due to the fact that the entire species already has abilities which involve control over the lava that is around them, meaning that their abilities are gravity based. And they amplified his control over gravity which meant that he alone in the entire universe could survive in a black hole. Another side effect of the amplification temporarily rendered him able to absorb more gravity and increase the amount he can control, and as we all know what source has an insane amount of gravity? A black hole. This resulted in him gaining control over all gravity as we know it. As such with more power than the entire planet he went back to his home planet to extract his revenge. He knew to some extent that his arrival on the planet would cause a disturbance in the gravitational field and since the planet had 2 cores it was not going to end well even if he stayed. So in other words he completely annihilated a planet 15 times the size of our sun. After which he chose to extract revenge on God himself by going to destroy the planet which would eventually be Earth. At this point the earth is young and is just a piece of rock with no moon. So Taurus gathers up enough asteroids until he's in an asteroid the size of a small planet. He accidentally travels via wormhole and collides with earth, this results in the chain reaction which caused the earth to change and a moon to orbit it. I based it off of the giant impact hypothesis which talks about a small planet crashing into the earth and all the stuff you should look it up if you need clarification. Due to having over exerted himself and being buried in the crust of the Earth Taurus goes into hibernation. He will reawaken in 1994 which is where the story of the Elements will start off.

His reason for wanting revenge on earth is because he feels that we somehow caused God to abandon their species and he thinks that by destroying the earth he'll get what he wants.

no need to be in a rush to save up for a tablet, haha.

Well even if I wanted to rush I can't since I can't legally get a job till i'm 16 :(

At 1/28/10 12:26 AM, LemurGimmick wrote: Really awesome stuff man! Love the Grim tone to all of it. I should take some time to get back into pencil art like such again.
And to answer you question on my topic (I reached the post limit on my topic, haha). Speedpainint is a digital concept art term, were they just sit down in photoshop or corel painter, either look at a referance photo, or just from memory, and they just take a couple hours to do a painting on a single layer. And it usually has a sort of scratchy look, cause it's rushed, but it's great practice if you get into digital art.

Ohhhh! Well that does explain some things, but unfortunately I don't have one of those drawing tablets and I'm horrible with the mouse so I can't do the speed painting until I get one of those, but when I get one my output should increase considerably.

At 1/28/10 12:20 AM, Ulriksen wrote: Hahahahaha Well I'm making more but for the moment that's it... It´s my first real art :P......

Well I look forward to seeing it, oh and if you ever wanna get scouted or something don't mention your profile, they'll get to it if they really like your art.

At 1/28/10 12:15 AM, LemurGimmick wrote: Alrighty, I appoligize for that, I'm new to all of this, haha. I shall post them in a sec
Firstly, here is a District 9 speedpaint

Yeah just a quick question...ummm what's speed paint?

Yeah I'm kinda with Big-Johnny on this one, I what I had meant was that you post you pics on here like that gta4 one, the only reason for links is if you want to offer the option of a higher resolution.

So I guess this isn't the type of writing people want to see...(need to think of some funny stories then)

I think I might have misspelled javascript:BBSPost.Save();some of that....(sorry for the double post).

At 1/28/10 12:02 AM, LemurGimmick wrote: Just tossing an older sample up, haha. Some GTA4-ish scribble from about a year ago, haha.
So make sure to take a peak at my new submissions on my NG page!

Wouldn't it just be easier to post it here so that we could see you art on your thread?

At 1/27/10 11:45 PM, Ulriksen wrote: They're quite good but... they are a little bit thin and tall mmm I prefer more sturdy characters... I'll include a Gears of war fanart i did a few days ago for an example (u can also see it in my profile)

Well the tall thing is kinda my style as most of the characters that I draw are supposed to be tall. In fact almost all of the characters I have posted are above 6 ft tall. The first one I posted(the dude with the dreadlocks) is about 12 ft tall but that's because he's a nonhuman(a imperfect hybridization of humans and elementals), and he's part of the Element's story. Speaking of which I linked my writing thread into my sig. That's where I'm going to put the stories of my characters so if anyone ever wants to find out a bit more about the characters that's where it'll be.

hmmm... I seem to have stumbled upon one of my old drawings....

if you like this one I have plenty more so if anyone wants to see 'em just ask and I'll post them.

Sorry for the late response I filled up my "quota" of 4 posts per topic and had to wait 30 mins.>:(

And about your sturdy characters do you have anymore like your fanart or is that it(looked at you profile but can't find any others like this)

Heh I just noticed we're the same level except you're neutral :P

Just link to it in your sig

Yay! Thanks.

Oh yeah and I don't remember who said it, but someone told me that I should try drawings in a less 2D-ish way and that's why that reaper is holding out the skull. Any thought's on that?

At 1/27/10 10:10 PM, THEANTIFULP wrote:

At 1/14/10 11:52 PM, GMoose14 wrote: Managed to color it, and yes it's supposed to be dark in some parts, what do you guys think?

intersting coloring, seems like ink mixed w something else

Yeah those ink blotches are actually done with pencil, it's just that when I put them in photoshop I darken them if it adds to the effect, of course sometimes I remove the shading entirely.

At 1/27/10 09:59 PM, big-jonny-13 wrote:

At 1/27/10 09:00 PM, GMoose14 wrote: Oh yeah and before I forget hey Big-Johnny did you get a new sig or is it just me?

Yeap, new sig courtesy of J-QB. The pictures may have been lost due to a few server issues last week. A few threads lost pictures during that incident.

Thanks that answers some of my questions. Oh and am I allowed to put a link to my writing thread to my art thread if it's related?