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Well, see boobmarley, was that so difficult to produce a substantive post with actual ideas and helpful information? I know youâEUTMre not used to that kind of thing but I knew I could get it out of you.
I also love the way you only point out part of your post while trying to trump my response to it, hereâEUTMs the next part of what you said

[quote]
Take some time to do some reading of experienced authors. Follow what you like for a bit and then branch out again. Keep doing that and you'll eventually develop your own internal voice and narrative style. If you don't take the time to be a varied and committed reader, your voice and will only ever echo the cliches and tropes of modern televisionand video games [/quote]

The implication being that you didnâEUTMt like the story because you felt it was just pulp fiction based off of television shows and/or video games, whether you played them or I played them seems irrelevant here.

As for your comments about the story they are good suggestions. Like I said that wasnâEUTMt so hard, now if we can just work on that superiority complex of yours weâEUTMll be well on our into making you a bearable human being. I still donâEUTMt see, however, how in your twisted mind âEUoesnowâEU âEUoeIceâEU and âEUoecoldâEU are synonymous since they exist independently and are completely different elements of scenery. Ice is hard/solid, snow is white and powdery, while cold is a description of temperature. Snow can exist without it being cold, slushy snow granted, but snow can lie on the ground during the ending days of winter as spring approaches. On the flip side it can be freezing cold outside and there may not be a speck of snow anywhere to be seen. You may also notice ice in the air in times of sleet and hail, but no snow. On the other hand the three can exist simultaneously, especially in the dead middle of winter in the hostile lands of the north.

And indeed the story takes place in a hostile land during hostile times, you see, thus the explanation of a warrior, which if you actually read the full chapter may not have been too thick-skulled to find out he was not fighting alone but with his men, however he was the last survivor, which according to the superstition of the people there is a sign of favor from the gods. The warrior here, as you may also have been too thick-skulled to figure out was not portrayed as a likeable character as you seem to suggest. In fact he was anything but, so to say IâEUTMm trying to force an underdog warrior on the audience by glorifying his acts of rampant violence is idiocy at itâEUTMs finest. Again youâEUTMd have to actually read the whole chapter to find out he is in no way, shape, or form, the hero of the story, but IâEUTMm sure you knew that. IâEUTMm not saying the story is perfect but I am a fairly young and aspiring writer, I wanted to come here to get involved in a community and exchange ideas to improve. Maybe this novel is finished for now, but in the future I could probably become a better writer with the right advice. Such advice could be constructive and given politely. Imagine my surprise when I found you instead, no problem though, I will add you to my pet troll collection.

DonâEUTMt feel the need to educate me Boob, youâEUTMve already shown me what youâEUTMre all about and I see what you have to offer for what it is. I know what a simile is, I just think using someone with a mental disorder as a simile to describe bad writing is in poor taste, and regardless of whether you want to believe I have experience with the disorder personally is irrelevant, so I shouldnâEUTMt have said anything anyway since itâEUTMs none of your business. So for this I apologize. It doesnâEUTMt change the fact that using such an offensive comparison reflects a lot about who you are as a person. Like you said, you can tell a lot about someone by how they write.

The difference between you and me is that I have a life away from my computer. I havenâEUTMt even mentioned you to any of my friends and donâEUTMt need to. I donâEUTMt really have much time to waste on your negativity. I also donâEUTMt have time to produce works of art based on my hatred for someone IâEUTMve never met. I donâEUTMt feel the need publicly shame someone whoâEUTMs perfectly willing to do so themselves, and view such an act as immature anyway. But hey, you do you, and IâEUTMll do me.
Anyway Boob (good name for you) if youâEUTMll excuse me I donâEUTMt have any more time to waste on you. I donâEUTMt have room in my life for senseless negativity and you reek of it, so I bid you good day. Have the last word, or donâEUTMt, it matters little to me.

At 5/10/13 06:51 AM, BoobMarley wrote:

At 5/10/13 04:06 AM, 4urentertainment wrote: I would also like to take a moment to highlight this paragraph from the Lit101 Critique Tutorial...

Never heard of it.

Homeboy requested that we let him know what we thought about his recently finished novel -Finished novel - not give advice or critique on a work in progress that he was hoping to publish later.
I ultimately ended up giving some pretty rad advice anyways though.

There's a big difference between calling someone out for their obvious BS and an act of hate. So let's just ease up a minute.

To let me know what you think of my writing style, etc. so I can improve future work, and the funny thing here is that you really didn't talk about any of that, you just hated the story as a whole because it supposedly reminded of some Xbox game you played but if you don't like High Fantasy that kind of sounds like a personal problem.

Well first of all thanks to the people who gave me real input. I felt that the point of this post was to improve as a writer and learn from my mistakes, I've really only been writing seriously for about a year, and only dabbled a little before that. I've progressed and improved a lot as a writer over time and even gotten a few short stories publish, but I recognize I as a writer am a work in progress, and it's a slow process I'm alright with what.

I feel like the whole point is to improve and get input from others. Why? JL95's comment was a perfect example. I generally start with a rough draft and then do a rewrite on the thing to improve on it, afterwords I proofread for grammar, spelling, etc. During the proofread I caught and fixed a lot of such typing errors, unfortunately I can never seem to catch them all, and preventing them can be difficult because when writing I often "get in the zone" so to speak and just type away to capture the story.

I've always tended to believe we can't edit our own work because of the obvious bias, so that's where second opinions become very valuable. Unfortunately I don't have many friends or a community that are into writing like I am so this seemed the obvious place to come.

Tonythegamer's example was a great one that can help me improve, I appreciate input like that, but just outright attacking and insulting hardly seems productive. Unfortunately that's just how some people are wired so I guess I just have to accept that.

As far as why I didn't just ask why, that's actually a very good point, it's probably what I should have done. On reading the comment at first my first logical thought was to just ignore it and politely acknowledge the comment. Unfortunately I was also having a very hectic week and this combined with issues in my own life and family (which we can debate the existence of until doomsday, but this too will prove fruitless) made my emotions get the best of me. I actually regret acknowledging the statement at all, but again we live and learn from our mistakes.

Your example is flawed only in that it lacks context. You're right, you don't want to tell, you want to show. Refer to the above for a proper example of this. The reason I say this example is flawed is because there's not enough context as to why the boy being 8 is necessary information. For example, it's perfectly acceptable for a writer to start their bildungsroman, "I'm eight years old and I just killed someone." The thing is, if the detail isn't needed, then it doesn't matter. You don't show it or tell it, you simply keep it in mind while writing your story. Details include character appearances, food preferences, favorite color, make and model of their first car/carriage or species and gender of their first horse. If the story needs it, you can work it in. But there's no way to show these things that aren't clearly an attempt at ambiguation. It's like when a writer has the narrating character look at themselves in a mirror and describe what they see. That may have been clever the first time it was done, perhaps there was a purpose; I don't know because that novel is not one I read. But the point is, if the story needs it, tell it. But show where they are, what they see, hear, and smell, how they feel, what they're doing, etc.

These are some great points, the example was a very short one and you are correct in that it lacked content, I simply felt the need to keep it short for a message board format in lieu of writing an essay, your explanation was longer but vastly superior, I also enjoyed your extended explanation of show don't tell in my example about action verbs, wonderful insights. Thanks for the advice.

This is very true for a pure pantser, but not everyone can get away with this. Some people, such as myself, need structure and understanding. I partially outline, be it a bulleted list or a brief overview of a scene. Personally, this works best. Don't be discouraged, however, if you're not a pantser. Finding your own method is a part of the process of growing as a writer.

I'm not sure I'm yet familiar with the term punster but I think you misunderstood my explanation regardless so to clarify. what I meant to refer to was not just making up a story as I go along, but rather letting the story and its prose flow without constantly scrutinizing yourself through the process. Again this can happen after the rough draft. I once read an article that described this as "eliminating the inner editor" I'm actually glad you brought up the concept of outlining, however, as this is an important point I forgot to mention. Outlining is basically my key to avoiding writers block, I used to get it all the time, now the bare structure of the story is already built so if one gets stuck he/she can refer to the outline for what happens next. I generally write an outline chapter by chapter, sort of a timeline of events. If inspiration catches me unaware and I have to go outside the outline I just find a way to work around it and fill in the rest, but outlining makes a huge difference, like I said especially in the case of writer's block.

Write whatever the hell works best for you. If you like fantasy, write fantasy. But don't feel forced to write fantasy because that's what you love. You may not have the chops to tell the fantasy story you want to tell. This happened to Stephen King. He wanted to write a fantasy novel, in fact he wrote one, but the quality wasn't marketable. Apparently it was another Tolkien-esque pulp novel. He wrote Carrie and found his niche, and many years later wrote the Dark Tower. When you have expectations on what you think you ought to be writing, versus what you want to write, you stifle yourself. Don't think in terms of genre, think in terms of story. What's that story in your head about? If it's a categorical fantasy novel, kudos to you. If it's a young adult murder mystery, don't hesitate following it. You may surprise yourself.

Great advice as well, however I tend to believe our writing is at its best when we write what we love, if you feel forced to write it as you say "because you love it" I think you may have run into one of the worlds great paradoxes. If you feel forced to write something it's probably not because you love it. This doesn't mean only love what love most, but within the realm you love. I've written fantasy and horror, I don't really like horror but the concept of the story seemed cool, I was disappointed with the results, however, and felt the quality came short. I could be wrong but this seemed to be because I not only don't enjoy the horror genre but also because I'm unfamiliar with it, and the two kind of go hand in hand. I just don't want to leave room for misunderstanding. I'm not suggesting you should limit yourself to what you love most, but try to say in that realm, if something bores you to tears it will probably bore your reader to tears too.

The spirit is right, but the delivery is too cliche. This is the advice everyone gives, but more often than not don't follow through themselves. The thing above looking outward for inspiration is that you may not be particularly inspired by those things. I love mountains, and I'm inspired by them in the sense that they excite my sense of adventure. They incite my imagination and need to write. Using the world around you to fuel your writing is definitely something that's learned. That type of appreciation isn't innate, but when you figure it out and make it work for you, it is definitely useful.

Perhaps you are right on my delivery, but as we both agree it's kind of the spirit it takes to be a great writer, not to say one can't be a good writer without it, or that one is automatically a great writer from this, but it is a contributing factor. Part of the problem with your statement is that you make assumptions about the people given the advice. How do you know who follows through and who doesn't. Even if you're right it doesn't negate the value of the advice given. A man might tell his child to work hard and study hard in school when he himself is a high school drop out. Does that automatically mean the father is wrong, or simply that he hasn't followed his own advice? In any case everybody is different, you mentioned that this skill is not innate but has to be learned. I guess that's what caught me off guard, I assumed every writer sort of had this ability if they loved the craft enough, but maybe it's just how my brain works as I find myself doing this quite naturally everyday.

Thanks for being a good sport, David. I hope my commentary on your post will benefit you just as much a :

Don't worry about me as long as people are respectful and constructive I'm very open to honest feedback, it's just when people feel the need to be disrespectful and mean-spirited that it becomes a problem. You did not display any of these qualities, and your advice was more helpful than you know. Perhaps that's one final piece of advice one writer can give to another: keep learning. I don't think any of us will ever "arrive" but must remain constantly in a state of learning development, forever striving to perfect our craft, only to discover that true perfection lies in constantly improving ourselves.

it doesn't sound at all funny, quite tragic really, but it is an interesting concept I'll check it out

At 4/27/13 09:39 AM, BoobMarley wrote:

At 4/27/13 06:10 AM, Davious wrote: By the way I have a brother with Asperger's, please don't make fun of those people, it's really not cool.

So you're saying that by likening your writing to an Aspie's tagent that I have insulted folks with Apserger's Syndrome? Ouch, and I thoughtI had burned your story...

Don't pull a bullshit victim/pseudo-high-road card here. That's really insulting to everyone.
Take some time to do some reading of experienced authors. Follow what you like for a bit and then branch out again. Keep doing that and you'll eventually develop your own internal voice and narrative style. If you don't take the time to be a varied and committed reader, your voice and will only ever echo the cliches and tropes of modern television and video games.

I understand that you pride yourself in being pretentious and ignorant, by that saying my writing is low quality and then comparing that to an individual with Asperger's to explain your point yes you insult people with a mental disability. Don't give me crap about being a victim when you're nothing but a faceless troll. If you had someone constructive to say, no problem, if my writing doesn't suit your personal tastes no problem. But what on earth did what I wrote have to do with an Xbox game, all you're doing here is showing everyone what a moron you are. How exactly would you know what books I've read or what kind of reading I do at all, or how many games I play?

Then you drag Asperger's into it to add insult to injury, and try play the pseudo-intellectual to cover up what a pretentious, ignorant, and insensitive piece of slim you are.

I've read some of your posts on your profile as well, almost as pretentious as you are.

You have got to be the lowest form of human scum.

As for my writing, again it's not your personal taste. I've had a lot of people tell me it's good, including English professor and other well read people, so a faceless troll doesn't affect me until you decided to drag a mental disability into it. Get a life.

At 4/26/13 07:56 PM, BoobMarley wrote: It read like a one-sided conversation that a man-child with Asperger's was trying to have with me about his latest Xbox exploits.

By the way I have a brother with Asperger's, please don't make fun of those people, it's really not cool.

Thanks for the input

At 4/24/13 11:09 PM, AntmanVernon305 wrote: Writing is a skill

Like any skill writing can be improved don't expect to be a great writer from the start just write things you love that's what every other successful writer has done

A few pointers use action verbs in lieu of state of being verbs, instead of "she was impatient and nervously as she was sitting in the chair" consider "She sat in the chair impatiently as her nerves began to take a hold of her."

Also show don't tell, instead of just telling us, "The boy was 8 years old." Show us how old he is, perhaps by pointing out a birthday cake with 8 candles or simply saying something along the lines of, "His innocent eyes gazed across the horizon, yet inwardly his mind's eyes looked back on 8 years of simple life."

One of the better pieces of advice I ironically gathered from a movie Finding Forester. For the rough draft (yes you write a rough draft first and rewrite for a final version) write with your heart. Let the story flow from you naturally, don't think about it just start writing and allow the story to unfold (even if as one user pointed out, it may appear to suck). For the final copy write with your brain. Look at the story and analyze it. How can you fill in the plot holes? How can this be worded better? How can this character be better developed or this dialogue be improved? Is this paragraph even necessary. Etc. etc.

As far as what genre to write it depends on you. I've heard some say you should write what you know, I tend to believe you should write what you love. I get excited mostly about fantasy so that's what I tend to write.

The only other advice I can think of is just keep writing, love it and look for ways to improve. Also to become a greatwriter you almost have to make it a lifestyle. Gather inspiration from everything and log away ideas. See someone acting strangely in public? There's a potential character, same with a quirky coworker or an inspirational mentor in your life. Passing by a neat looking structure? That could be a mysterious building in your next story, perhaps a sacred landmark. Everything is an idea, learn to store them, write them down if need be.

Hope some of my advice helped.
-David
WorldofdiamicWorldofdiamic

At 4/25/13 03:06 PM, Kanon wrote: They went by the quote stated from their website "a sermon titled "Healing - From God or Medicine?" that quotes Bible verses purportedly forbidding Christians from visiting doctors or taking medicine." So it's both RELIGIONS FAULT, and Unintelligent Parents.

I read all the verses none of them explicitly forbade people from seeing doctors

So it's not really dying due to praying it's dying due to medical negligence, which is not the fault of religion but unintelligent people who use religion as an excuse for their unintelligence.

this is the first chapter from my recently finished novel Epic War, let me know what you think:

http://worldofdiamic.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/birthofm ulgy.pdf

it basically undoes any changes and uninstalls any programs (including spyware and other junk) made after the saved point in time. I've done a system recovery (to factory default) like a million times on this thing I feel like a whole universe is being destroyed and born again when I do.

At 4/24/13 07:05 PM, Me-Patch wrote: There's an excellent Vice documentary about this shit in South America that robs you of your free will, while leaving you completely lucid and coherent. Just the tiniest little bit of it needs to be airborne anywhere near you and you're fucked. Also it's super easy to OD on.

I forget what it was called, but no es beuno.

scopolamine I believe

is it in noir maybe?

At 1/10/09 10:41 PM, Thimbles wrote:
Racism =/= Discrimination against blacks specifically

in what dictionary?

At 1/10/09 10:35 PM, zero-gravity wrote:

At 1/10/09 10:25 PM, Serbian-terrorist wrote:

I wouldn't add anything else man, it's perfect.

Yea but it still needs parts to be a complete song. right now that is about 1 min with filler.

make it like one of those awesome techno songs that only have like one verse and just loop and add some neat voice effects to the vocals know what I mean?

alot of the racist videos wouldn't exist, but there would be other racist videos to make up for it, just reversed

At 1/10/09 10:30 PM, shadowslayer1313 wrote:

At 1/10/09 10:27 PM, pointydagger wrote:

You fucking shallow, cold-hearted fucker! Wtf is wrong with you?! Show some fuxing compassion, you fagmuffin. God, people these days.

compassions on newgrounds i dont know about that one, man...

mods are the bestest, nicest, most wonderful people in the whole wide world, and anyone who says different is a liar

(i think they watching)

Things will get better :(

sorry bud doesn't stop after pruberty, you stuck with it

I dont know why but i find the concept ofThis Book kind of funny, how about you? Just imagine if the newgrounds people got their hands on it, kind of dangerous...

At 12/29/08 03:06 PM, Redbob86 wrote:
So basically when his movies fail, he's not the one who has to pick up the tab, the German government does, and by extension the tax-paying citizens of Germany. Why should the good people of Germany have to give their tax money to a failed director who never even breaks even in the box office?

Well in that case i can concede your point, that's socialist Europe for you, but maybe instead making him stop making movies the German people should have the gall to start their own petition and stop the financing of his movies, but I do see your point...

At 12/29/08 05:58 PM, FUNKbrs wrote:

At 12/29/08 05:50 PM, Davious wrote: You say its hate for the system that drove you, but what your love for your friend?

All love derives from hate. Hate is the first and purest emotion. I love my friend, because he enables me to hate, to produce hate-filled music; he is my ally against the world.

I love my friend the way a soldier loves his rifle.

It sounds then like you dont really care about your friend you just use him as you would a tool? I'm sorry if I'm misunderstanding.

In any case I'd have to disagree that all love derives from hate, some friendship may be built on a sort of "my enemy's enemy is my friend" sort of thing, but I feel that true love exists unconditionally. I guess we are just different, but I tend to care most deeply for people that can do nothing for me in return, I feel that real love is given regardless of what you get back or how valuable an ally one might be against the "system"

In any case hate is not the first or purest emotion is, in this love wins again. For it was the love of a creator that gave birth to the world, and in hate when we tak en from Him that love gave us a second chance and restored out connection to Him through selfless sacrifice. Love was the emotion created and saved the world, and love is what will continue to sustain us. Hatred will only consume the soul and doom it to a slow painful death.

I belive love is greater than hate always, to hate is to die painfully, but to love is to find new life...

but that is just me...

You say its hate for the system that drove you, but what your love for your friend?

try here and let me know if it helps

http://ask-leo.com/i_accidentally_delete d_my_recycle_bin_in_vista_how_do_i_get_i t_back.html

which system you use vista?

couldn't be worse than the first original final fantasy movie, me, my dad, and my brother were the only ones in the whole theatre it was reall sad :(

he'd probably be more likely to stop making movies if they didn't make him any money, so maybe it'd be more effective not to go see/buy them, but if there are enough people going to see it to make him money then don't spoil for them, let the free market do it's job.