Newgrounds.com — Everything, By Everyone.

Well I used to live in a really sparsely populated community, where we all used to live in roughly built cottages. We lived in a forested area, so naturally we all built our homes out of wood and such. Seeing as how I never knew my parents, and at the young age I was at, I was totally dependent on the community. Most of all, this really old, but wise, mustached man that used to sit alone in a little clearing. Occasionally he'd have visitors, but they had become more rare as he grew older, and his mind had deteriorated.
Most of us (in the community I mean) were really young, so the dependence on some figure of authority was visible. As the old man grew more senile, everybody had become more dependent on this douchebag kid. He was such a douche. I would be trying to get somewhere, and he would just stand in my way, blocking my route, and say the stupidest shit. He was so fucking self assured, but naive at the same time.
Anyways, the old man had asked to see me, seeing as how he was practically immobile at this point, and as I was going to the little clearing that he was at, the douchebag kid sees me, and states that he is jealous because the old man seems to like me better. This kid has always had a beef with me anyways. I suppose it's because the girl that he wants to fuck has a thing for me I guess. She's really cute too. She is really wise, and has short hair, and always sits alone playing music that she wrote.
So the douche kid tells me to go get some fucking equipment, and go on a wild fucking goose chase, just to please him.
After getting all of this shit, and spending bunch of money to get these supplies, the kid wasn't even there when I returned! So I decide to keep the equipment, and see the old man.
He tells me that he's become sick, on the inside, you know? In the head. He asks me to help him. I do everything I can, but to no avail.
The man is really fucking close to dying, I can tell, so I let him explain this story of a man from some far away place I've never been to that poisoned him or something. He went into all of this religious bullshit (I never considered myself very religious.) and eventually died mid-sentence.
As I returned to the community with the news that the old man was dead, it erupted into fucking anarchy. I ran away.
I didn't get very far without being found by that one girl. She gave me her most prized possession, one of her instruments, and we played together for a little while. I wasn't very good, and I didn't know many songs, but it came fairly naturally.
After leaving abruptly, (I can't stand goodbyes, and I had to leave in an awkwardly abrupt fashion to make it quick at least) I eventually found myself at a ranch. I was hungry. I wanted to go ask for food, but I couldn't find it in myself to go there. I wandered for longer. It was eventually night time when I had reached a gate to some huge fucking mansion-type thing. I mean, it was A FUCKING CASTLE. I decided to sleep near the gate for the night. I huddled up really close to a patch of grass and slept.

When I woke up, I found the gate wide open, so I decided to wander on in. I know that was really fucking stupid to do, I mean, I'm pretty impulsive sometimes I guess. Anyways, I walked around the outside of the castle, and eventually got to this garden. I was planning on eating some of the fruit, when I spied some girl, about my age just sitting there. She didn't seem very surprised to see me, so I decided to try to strike up a conversation. Before I could say anything, she asked, in quite the awkward fashion, "are you from the woods nearby?" or something like that. I was stunned that she had guessed where I was from. After we conversed a little about politics mostly, although she did most of the talking, we joked about making a coup d'etat to overthrow this one corrupt politician that was gaining more influence. At least, I thought it was a joke.

This girl was fucking stunning. She was well mannered, and very well spoken. She was really fucking hot, although she was conservatively dressed, so there was a lot for the imagination to spectate. She had beautiful blond hair that you could see under her peculiar hat-thing. I don't remember her name though to this day. When I decided to leave, she asked if I could run an errand for her. Being the horny motherfucker I am, I accepted. It wasn't very far, so it seemed easy enough. She wanted me to go to kill an animal for one of her father's friends. This was really strange, but I wasn't thinking clearly. I only had to take a left going from where the gate was, and I was practically where the animal had gone.
The story is that the animal was once this wild pet that I guess the dad's friend had domesticated or something. Anyways, it got away, and it started fucking up the garden or farm or whatever of the guy. The guy spent so much time working out he didn't want to mess up his busy schedule (he also does some kind of public relations in the town he's in, so he actually is fairly busy) and asked the blond girl's dad to help out. The blond girl's dad was also really busy, so I guess it was up to me now. The animal wasn't hard to find, it was rolling around in the dirt and all I had to do was stab it a few times.
Killing, and killing animals was never that hard for me. I had never killed a person before, but I used to wander into the forest and kill animals from time to time. I guess that's why I never fit in back home.
On my way back to the blond girl, the public relations guy that worked out caught me on my way out and thanked me for the help. It felt good, he was really genuine about it too.

Anyways, I decided to stop at this lake, and I found this girl drowning in the lake. I had gone to the lake before I was going to stop at the blond girl's place and tell her I helped her father's friend out, and hopefully get laid if I was lucky. Anyways, I saw the girl drowning, and I decided to fish her out of the lake, and see if she was alright. She was fine, but she was trying to get her mother's fucking jewelry out of the lake. The girl was totally naked, but I wasn't attracted whatsoever. She had a fucked up face. I felt bad though, so I dived in the lake and got her mother's sacred amulet or whatever.

The girl was in love with me now. She seemed like a clingy bitch, so I told her I'd be back later, and that I was busy.

On my way back to the blond girl's house, I found the gate open, and was running in when I almost got hit by the girl riding on a fucking horse. Rich as hell, and she has a horse. Anyways, she told me to hide, because her father's friend had gotten really angry (drunk I guess?) and was getting really physical. I ran into this church that was next to her property (she had rode off on her horse) and fell asleep there for a very long time.

I woke up almost a decade later.

I hope I wasted your time.

Yeah well dicks.

pretty funny.

herpa derpa

tragedies are silly

sped

CUNTLY HATE.

michael can't pronounce monotony

this too

There isn't enough gay porn in this thread.

I support the theory that a tribe of starving african mothers raped his face to death.

At 2/3/10 08:49 PM, TheSilverGuitar wrote: also yeh i HATE pop music ppl who listen to dat r POSERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i no.

my favorite song is 'Alive', from Ten.

it's so gud. I luv the gutar solo

this is hilarious.

you crazy kids and your drugs.

Samuel L. Jackson from Pulp Fiction

A WOMAN?

OUTSIDE?

WHAT IS THIS BLASPHEMY. GET THAT BITCH BACK IN THE KITCHEN

IS SOMEONE GETTING THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST

At 1/9/10 04:39 AM, AnonymousAlchemist wrote:

Not bad, but then every idiot would then go to Newgrounds. We here at NG pride ourselves in having some control of which idiot gets in.

idiots on newgrounds?

pffff yeah right.

At 12/14/09 10:08 PM, STEM wrote: Throwing paper towels is considered insane nowadays?

HAI. MY ENTIRE FAMILY WAS MURDERED WITH PAPER TOWELS. THEY'RE DANGEROUS OBJECTS LOLOL

I'M JOE

At 12/4/09 07:40 PM, SCUD14 wrote: and all that kiddie jazz.

I read that as "and all that kiddie jizz"

I like the dark-ness of the first one, excuse the lack of better word.

It adds to the picture, in my opinion.

I buy used condoms, because than you know they'll work

Urination is truly a hobby

Wear a Guy Fawkes mask, and parade around my town pissing on people's lawns.

In other words, do what I normally do, with a mask.

THAT IS SO HOT

Indication, In Dictation (Demo)

Here's a demo to a song, I'm going to re-record it sometime soon, and I just want as much criticism as possible before I do that.

At 10/11/09 11:28 PM, Sheizenhammer wrote: My favourite is to sit next to someone and hover my hand over them when they're not looking. When they turn around, I 'quickly' put my hand back down and deliberately do a bad job of acting innocent. The result usually goes something like this:

I do that ALL THE TIME.

I did it once on my school bus to somebody I didn't know, and they didn't get the joke.

Now they think I'm a pervert, which is awesome!

At 10/11/09 01:45 AM, Blush wrote: Now, squat down, blow on your thumb for 10 seconds, and then suck your own penis.

THAT DIDN'T HELP!

At 10/11/09 12:44 AM, reviewer2 wrote: brb gonna try this. will post the results after I try it. brb....

ohgod so tired nbbbm nbbbm f/de

It's pretty cool right?

There's about a thousand typos in that book.