Dudes! You are bunch of stupid buttholes! It's obvious that you have the wrong equipment.
1) Ignore all the cinemas
2) Make sure you have a fully working CDi with functioning save state support (on some systems, if the internal battery dies, saving is forever disabled as the battery can't be replaced with a lot of work)
3) Get a hardwired three-button action controller
4) Have an open mind. Don't play them thinking they must be compared to Miyamoto's work, rather think of them as a pair of 2D side-scrolling adventures, released at the beginning of the 1990s, that have nothing to do with Nintendo.
Look at these requirements and play the game again.