Newgrounds.com — Everything, By Everyone.

Edited at 2014-10-05 00:15:46

At 10/4/14 11:45 PM, BrenTheMan wrote:

At 10/4/14 09:55 PM, GingerGymnast wrote: It's hard to describe this, especially since the majority of guys don't care to listen or understand. I'll say it anyway.

You described the distinctions rather well. People who are inauthentic and who use various manipulative compliance tactics to get what they want are not nice people in my book, but I get what you're saying. This sounds like most sales people I've dealt with to be honest. Sugary sweet but inauthentic and out to get something.

haha, yea that's such a great example. If ever you want to spark my immediate distrust, tell me you're a salesperson.
Or even with children who do something nice for you. The other day, one of the parents of the girls I train said "yea, Jane made me breakfast and served me orange juice this morning. The first thing out of my mouth was, 'what do you want?'"
It's cute with a kid. It's gross with grown men.

But isn't it interesting that we consider a guy (or woman even) who is authentic, honest, mean when he needs to be, knows what he wants, does what he wants to do, etc. a "bad boy"? Maybe that right there is a good example of why it's very difficult to truly be like this in practice. Everyone wants compliance out of you to some level, and if you do what YOU want to do a bit too much, you're a "bad boy" or a "bitch."

I never considered that before. That's really interesting. You're right, though. It's because these people don't mind upsetting others. They are who they are and they're fine with people not liking that. Maybe the whole badboy/bitch label is to try to force people to live up to a certain way of being. Maybe they're "bad" because they go against the norm that way.

It IS difficult to not care. I think with enough practice, you'll find people that have similar values and then you can feed off each other in a positive way.

A person who "lives to their own music" either has to be completely self-centered, OR they have to have LOTS of confidence, a rather thick skin, seriously good coping skills, and s/he has to be willing to accept a lot of potential loss and loneliness in their life (at least at first). Living this way definitely comes with a price tag and is easier said than done.

I would imagine that we'd have a better quality of life if we went for it. I know I respect people more when they set up clear boundaries and don't let others cross those lines. It shows a certain level of dependability or of trustworthiness.

When you set boundaries, even relatively healthy people are going to resist that tremendously. If you have a lot of toxic people in your life, even if it's most of your family, you have to be prepared to walk away for good because these people typically won't respect your boundaries at all.

Or, if you change, and begin to develop new sets of boundaries, they'll start to push even harder and resent you for it. I was at this one self-development seminar and the speaker said something along the lines of, "People don't like it when you change because the things they use to manipulate you no longer work."
People become angriest when they see someone close to them begin to change for the better. it subtly calls them to task and they don't like that.

Living to your own music often means having to walk away from a lot of people who want you to live to theirs, which is NOT easy to do. That's not even getting into all the other pressures on everyone to conform at every single level of society.

I've had to do that a few times. It's one of the toughest things to do.

So I get why people can be fairly inauthentic, why it's so difficult to be otherwise, and why "bad boys" in the non-abusive sense are sexy. Maybe this is rare thing to find in a man OR a woman. I think if I met a woman like this, I'd find her sexy too.

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At 10/4/14 11:45 PM, BrenTheMan wrote:

At 10/4/14 09:55 PM, GingerGymnast wrote: It's hard to describe this, especially since the majority of guys don't care to listen or understand. I'll say it anyway.

You described the distinctions rather well. People who are inauthentic and who use various manipulative compliance tactics to get what they want are not nice people in my book, but I get what you're saying. This sounds like most sales people I've dealt with to be honest. Sugary sweet but inauthentic and out to get something.

haha, yea that's such a great example. If ever you want to spark my immediate distrust, tell me you're a salesperson.
You see it in children all the time. I was talking to the parents of one girl I train and they said "yea, Jane made us breakfast and served us orange juice this morning. The first thing out of our mouths was, 'what do you want from us?'"
It's cute with a kid. It's gross with grown men.

But isn't it interesting that we consider a guy (or woman even) who is authentic, honest, mean when he needs to be, knows what he wants, does what he wants to do, etc. a "bad boy"? Maybe that right there is a good example of why it's very difficult to truly be like this in practice. Everyone wants compliance out of you to some level, and if you do what YOU want to do a bit too much, you're a "bad boy" or a "bitch."

I never considered that before. That's really interesting. You're right, though. It's because these people don't mind upsetting others. They are who they are and they're fine with people not liking that. Maybe the whole badboy/bitch label is to try to force people to live up to a certain way of being. Maybe they're "bad" because they go against the norm that way.

It IS difficult to not care. I think with enough practice, you'll find people that have similar values and then you can feed off each other in a positive way.

A person who "lives to their own music" either has to be completely self-centered, OR they have to have LOTS of confidence, a rather thick skin, seriously good coping skills, and s/he has to be willing to accept a lot of potential loss and loneliness in their life (at least at first). Living this way definitely comes with a price tag and is easier said than done.

I would imagine that we'd have a better quality of life if we went for it. I know I respect people more when they set up clear boundaries and don't let others cross those lines. It shows a certain level of dependability or of trustworthiness.

When you set boundaries, even relatively healthy people are going to resist that tremendously. If you have a lot of toxic people in your life, even if it's most of your family, you have to be prepared to walk away for good because these people typically won't respect your boundaries at all.

Or, if you change, and begin to develop new sets of boundaries, they'll start to push even harder and resent you for it. I was at this one self-development seminar and the speaker said something along the lines of, "People don't like it when you change because the things they use to manipulate you no longer work."
People become angriest when they see someone close to them begin to change for the better. it subtly calls them to task and they don't like that.

Living to your own music often means having to walk away from a lot of people who want you to live to theirs, which is NOT easy to do. That's not even getting into all the other pressures on everyone to conform at every single level of society.

I've had to do that a few times. It's one of the toughest things to do.

So I get why people can be fairly inauthentic, why it's so difficult to be otherwise, and why "bad boys" in the non-abusive sense are sexy. Maybe this is rare thing to find in a man OR a woman. I think if I met a woman like this, I'd find her sexy too.