Okeily
Well, what it needs its too be streatched out for bit longer. You're using to many different sounds for such a short stretch of time. However it is a cool tune, so i could really imagine it being a decent tune - if you put more effort in.
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THE REAL FABULOUS FOR THE BBS (accidently uploaded wrong file :( )
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Zachary 
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Please contact me if you would like to use this in a project. We can discuss the details.
