Wow! I actually really like this, only thing is, there's nothing to stick it together - I reckon this could do with a melody. In my opinion, this is a first draft, you could spend AGES on this song, because it's a good start. Don't move on. Stay on this.
If you need help, don't be afraid to ask, I know you don't play the piano or anything, so if you need ANYTHING just ask me or one of the guys here.
Your best yet!
SqueeGee