The analog sounding synth in the beginning is fine to my ears. Reminds me of some older pieces I used to listen to. This percussion is just not working for you though. It's practically without rhythmic center, and does not help the relative melodic center of the piece progress. Rather than supporting the structure of the track, it divides it.

However, I do like your use of FX. Without it, this track would be relatively unlistenable for me. As an experiment, it's interesting, but melodically, compositionally, and sonically, it's just not doing it for me. That being said, if you ever need a constructive/critical review, hit me up.

The synth at the beginning didn’t strike me as being great for establishing the atmosphere or mood of a piece, and the rhythm at :21 is a little wonky. It’s very hard-hitting, arrhythmic and dissonant with having much in the way of substantive melodic content, phrasing, or transitory material. You also didn’t do a great job of using the entire frequency range for much of the beginning. There is a build-up of energy over the course of the piece, but at the end of the day the structure of the piece is little more than an establishment of atmosphere that goes a little over-the-top on the dissonance. It isn’t very conclusive at all, either. Sorry this review is so negative. This piece is an interesting experimental piece, but as a stand-alone composition it doesn’t do much for me. I’d suggest trying to make a piece that focuses on more melodic and harmonic elements. Once you feel like you’ve made a piece with a strong melody, please PM me again and I’ll leave you a review. Until then, keep at it, man. ;)

2.5/10