Nice!!!! That’s some real good lyricism!
The chorus came out really good too!
Author Comments
Here's a little something originally inspired by and written over B.O.B.s 'Airplanes' beat, but apart from the 'I could really use a wish right now' that started it all, the lyrics are completely brand new sparkling and original. Jabun mustered up the masterful beat you hear in the background; managed some melodical background vocals in the hooks too. Woo!
I think it turned out great... how bout you? Finally got my hands on a somewhat better mic, so the sound quality should be way way better then back when I only had a Dictaphone to record shit at home.
All feedback as always much appreciated!
Lyrics:
---------------
We all want to live that life...
Stand tall beneath the city lights
But not all can make it!
This world crushes dreams as if they're nothing sacred
So much I've forsaken, so much at stake it, sometimes
Doesn't feel like I can take it...
---
I could really use a wish right now
Sitting on a bench with a six pack bound in a distant town
All I do is zigzac round worthless
Purpose is ranked number one on my wishlist now
All these wishes downed like I don't deserve wishes!
The world is vicious, I get burns and blisters
But the worst injury I endured with stitches
Was fainting in a shower so you see the pitch is
Anything can happen you can take a crap when
You get a heart attack it's whack but that's the fact man
Elvis didn't come out from the bathroom intact
So I know I better rap these tracks - get my act on
Stand strong like I strap bombs at Nam
I want in on the action but the fact is that
I gotta take action no grip without traction
Slip once, and you're bound to be last but
( I'm wishing for a better life
Is that a falling star or just a satellite?
I don't know what is after life
But whatever's after, I won't be just a passerby )
So many aspects that I gotta master!
To turn my tracks from ash to alabaster!
But flowers bloom in the wake of disaster
Everything's a cycle I look back at the past and see
Life moves fast so I've got to move faster
So much time passed but the past is a tractor
If I wanna go far I'ma have to go hard
Maybe in a Go Cart, don't forget the laughter
Life's bleak if there is no beat
Life's a long gray street if there is no musique
I've had weeks feeling like I'm choked by sudden grief
When I rhyme I breath, this is bliss to me
So you know you better listen to this emcee
I'm searching for purpose, so far this is me
So far this is my vision why I exist to be
I gotta live in the now not in history
( chorus )
I won't be just a passerby!
I'm gonna carve my place in time
I'm gonna climb the mountain
I'm gonna climb
Cyberdevil responds:
Glad you liked it!
This is a monster track. Honestly, the only thing holding it back is your vocal equipment, and that's not hard to fix -- I can hear a little rattle going on. Really impressed you took the initial theme, crafted a tight narrative, and weaved a pretty hook. Jabun really took that to the next level, by the way.
You've got a great accent for hiphop and a nice, almost asymmetrical stream-of-thought flow that makes your poetry run like conversation. Does it come natural?
Cyberdevil responds:
Hmm haven't noticed the rattle myself, good ears! I think my breathing technique needs some practice too, but otherwise you're right, not optimal studio equipment yet. He did take it up a notch, agreed!
Thanks. When inspiration really flows it does sometimes, I think this was one of those, but often it take s bit of practice; polish to get it right. Appreciate the feedback! Guess I'd better really focus on quality recording stuff!
Yo this is really great I really love the beat and the rapping kinda makes me wanna get back into hip hop. :)
Cyberdevil responds:
Thanks man! :)
TBH I never checked your stuff out. This is the first entry I hear from you, but I gotta say I am surprised of the quality.
Great rapping, lyrics and beat. Nice job. -0.5 because the chorus was slightly off sync, but it's not a biggie. Keep it up man
Cyberdevil responds:
Thanks man. :)
Woah, it's off sync?! I'm tempted so say you must be having some latency issues, that the browser is causing some lag or something, but hmm, listening again that 'Or' does indeed come in some milisecond late, hope that's the part you're hearing so I'm not totally missing something more major! Thanks for the feedback; will do!
Loved this mate :') Feels amazing, I love the simplicity and the energy that boosts the lyrics!
Cyberdevil responds:
Appreciate it! :)
Credits & Info
- Listens
- 3,916
- Faves:
- 9
- Votes
- 22
- Score
-
4.94 / 5.00
- Uploaded
- Oct 10, 2014
- 6:19 AM EDT
- Genre
- Hip Hop - Modern
- File Info
- Song
- 7.8 MB
- 3 min 25 sec
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Cyberdevil 
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