This is a poem that I wrote after my father passed in late November 2011. I read this poem at his funeral. I'd been wanting to record and upload this for a while now. I miss him a lot, which isn't something that I'm doing all that well at hiding. Losing him put me in a horrible mindset, and I'm finally just recovering from that. Please, for this specific piece, if you have only negative things to say, keep them to yourself. And I'm not seeking pity either, I just wanted to leave a last tribute to my father somewhere that people could hear it and identify with it. Thank you for the time you've taken to listen.
Things that I can never say, feelings I can never express,
Promises that I'd only wished to be able to keep,
Looking back I feel as if I lost time, chances for you to see,
The trials, the attempts, the moments of work and progress,
Forward steps that were taken away from your sight,
Hidden within my reclusive nature in the darkest of night,
The thoughts that I wished to share,
The words that I was reluctant to speak,
Ideas to converse and compare,
Help from you I needed which I failed to seek.
My mind races through the opportunities,
The events I could have used for you to know me,
And to learn more about the person you are too,
I did nothing but let the instances pass through,
Hearing you in my head like an empty room of reverb,
Wanting you back, clinging to the last left of you,
Even just a few phrases, maybe just a point of view,
A whole conversation where I'd listen to your every word,
The desire to just be your loving, attentive son,
A last chance to be together, one on one.
Your words still resound within me, an everlasting echo,
Tracks of lessons you've taught to me, things previously unknown,
These sounds coming from a realm that I am unable to reach,
Reminiscent of the truth that your time is now complete,
Revealing to me a void in myself that will stay barren and empty,
As there is nothing and no one that would be right to occupy,
Left with questions, looking for answers, please tell me why,
How can I be okay with this, how come I will not cry?
A well dried up, pain that won't break me, that is how it seems,
I keep my calm knowing that now your soul was made serene.
All of the thoughts, all of the fears, a confusion that will remain,
Filled with emotions, images and words, yet difficult to explain,
Unable to clear my mind of it, not truly capable of letting go,
Holding close to the moments I had, the time that we did spend,
Those minutes that made us happy, are all now at their end,
The hours have gone and the days are over, but things you still don't know,
The plans I've made that I hoped you would be here to see,
Though I know once I'm done, your presence will be there with me,
The last thing to you I have to say,
Thank you Pop, please be safe along your way.