Needs some polishing.

I'm no expert but the chorus or feat. rapper (1:00-1:53) was a bit sloppy, slow, and awkward. As for your rapping (Hoping it's you in the start and the finish) The first critique I have is Mood Vs. Delivery, the rap was a story about your life and how depressing it was and what happened but you sound monotone through ought like you really don't care. The last short verse was better than the other too but it was bit sloppy sounding, like syllables were meshing together or you stumbled over them, and also this is more of my personal taste but the cursing makes it feel like you needed to add extra syllables so you threw fuck in for the hell of it. I like it but it does need some polishing.

Grade: D, Good try but it's only the start if you want a masterpiece.

lol

i heard this instrumental on youtube. stay on beat guys

Meh.

Try to stress your syllables. Sound more like you WANT to be rapping. Slow down a bit at some points too, at points your too fast for your beats. The only good part was when you started getting really fast at 1:58. Just constructive criticism man.

Rofl jacobge has a point

you'd have to be drunk to like rofl..

...

hahaha badger badger mushroom mushroom