Its a nice start

But it is WAY heavy on intro. I'd chop out everything from :20 to :50. Let 'em sweat for a minute, then kick your drum line right in to get the pace going. The "creaky" sound effects were nice, reminded me of Super Metroid's lava levels. You have some good pieces, but I think you need one overarching melody to tie them all together. Anyhoo, just my suggestions.