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Oct 18, 2009 | 4:33 PM EDT
File Info
2.7 MB
3 min 0 sec
4.25 / 5.00

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You may not use this work for commercial purposes without making specific arrangements with the artist.

Rated 4.25 / 5 stars
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3,742 Plays | 261 Downloads
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Hip Hop, Rap, R&B - Hip Hop - Modern

Author Comments /audio/listen/281346
^Part 2

Beat is "Through the Storm" by LuigiSounds

Any constructive criticism is appreciated, Thanks

There's this guy named Gary and he's living the life
everything he does, people say he did it just right
in his junior year, he goes to school everyday
and easily manages to pull those steady A's
everything is perfect cause he wields those smarts
passes on the drugs so he knows he'll go far
til one day he's eating dinner and feels a little out
talks to himself to try and make him settle down
afterwards he notices his dad's still not home
another hour passes now his meal's got cold
asks his mother where he is, feeling lurking pain
she just says "don't worry, he must be working late"
he said he'd calm down since the answer was fair
and then made his way to the top of the stairs
he drifts off to sleep, while his thoughts were roaring
but still his father did not come home the next morning

Gary notices he's missing but goes to school regardless
halfway through the day now he's sitting in art class
completely zoned out when he hears an announcement
not really listening cause they're never about shit
but right in the middle Gary's pulse begins to race
on the list of people needed, he hears his name
he rarely gets called so he's wondering what for
runs at a fast pace and then opens the door
he sees his mom and siblings crying all in one spot
she says "they found your father in a ditch he was shot"
he couldn't face it and couldn't take it he became enraged with
the fact that this made him the man of the place which
he lived in but instead of being responsible
he went and grabbed a bottle and drank away his sorrow
changed personalities and developed a temper
snaps over everything not stopping to think first

more time passes, the brother lacks attention
he acts out in school and get's himself a detention
so Gary leaves the school with only his sister
if something were to happen, he knows he'd miss her
they arrive at their home and to his room this boy goes
he doesn't know why he's tired but he goes with the flow
then at about 5:00 the brother limps in
covered in bruises, his nose has blood dripping
instantly he's surrounded by people asking "what happened"
he replies "what's it look like i just got my ass kicked"
instantly snapping, Gary yelled, "who was it?"
Jack and his gang man I think my nose is busted
Gary says he'll take care of them and his brother stops him
and yells Gary man don't worry bro I got this
Gary says nah man you gotta fix that broken nose
and Jack and those faggots will be dying tomorrow



Rated 5 / 5 stars

make more

5/5 10/10

denverbroncos59 responds:

Thanks :)


Rated 5 / 5 stars


Really enjoyed this, you have a good talent at creating stories. Looking forward to hear more stuff like this from you.

And LOL at the hater on this. I checked his music out and he just screams at the top of his lungs into a mic and calls it talent. Kids these days eh :D

denverbroncos59 responds:

Thanks for listening and reviewing


Rated 1.5 / 5 stars

ITS SUCKS, But you have potential!

Fuck garry! Rap about some one that every one knows. It would help you relate to all your listeners. Stop raping yourself and this genre rapping about some one; no one cares about.

Put this advice in there and keep it in mind when you write lyrics:

Focus on the rythm
And balance out your EQ; voice was loud and irratating on some parts.
Go for somthing positive in the song; a counter balance of good and evil.


Rated 4.5 / 5 stars

I really liked

Dude, i really liked your lyrics. Cool song, cool beat.

That being said, I think that you need to work on your flow/voice. Some of your lyrics seem pushed/rushed, and you tone/voice needs to be roughened up a little. If that makes any sense.

Overall great song.

People find this review helpful!
denverbroncos59 responds:

I appreciate that man. Yeah I have a voice that isn't for rap haha but I'll keep working on it. Thanks for the input!


Rated 5 / 5 stars

dope shit

some of your rhymes you squeezed in..and your flow was a little shakey but cool regardless.

People find this review helpful!
denverbroncos59 responds:

Appreciate the feedback will return