A little long
For what you've done with this piece, it's a little long. Try cutting out the silences first of all, as they need to be taken care of and will save you a few seconds. There are repetitive parts in this piece, that could also be cut for time, without sacrificing quality.
I'd have suggested that you get a little more projection there - this is quite quiet and having a more dominant presence from an instrument there would add a new dynamic, which will give you a higher quality end product.
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