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- 1 min 1 sec
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- Voice Acting - Voice Demo
E-PORN-ium, an online, adult movie distribution company, called an IT Temp Service because one of their finest customer service reps was out for the day.
They asked for someone who was familiar with pirated software, so the worker could tell when a crook was attempting to return a ripped/burned movie.
What they got, was a washed up pirate, working day jobs, to support his perpetual Rum habit.
Cap'n Jack Black Long John Gorton Jolly Silver Sparrow Rogers is his name.
His orientation is over and he's been given his bluetooth headset.
Now his day begins simply by answering incoming calls.
Script (in case you can't make out all the Seaman's Babble.)
*BUSY CALL CENTER AMBIENCE, THEN THE CAP'N's LINE RINGS*
===PIRATE=== Yo, ho, ho? Ahoy, ye land lubbin' Matey! I be thankin' ye fer bellowin' ye telly sails fer E-PORN-ium, online sales and sutler services. What can I be ballyhoo'in ye fer yer X-Rated fourbering needs?
--CUSTOMER-- Uh, yeah. . . Hello? I just need to exchange two movies I ordered for my boyfriend last week. A Scanner COCKly and CROTCHmen, uh, he already had one of the movies and the other one, just doesn't seem to be compatible with our Blu-Ray.
===PIRATE=== Blue seas and ye briny deep. Begad, ye filthy bilge sucker! Scurvy wench, be needin' more booty?
--CUSTOMER-- Look, first off, I'm not a wench. Number two, YOU are a freak. Number three, it's not BOOTY he's into, Ok?
===PIRATE=== Indeed, Bucko! As Mad Sally tossin' doubloons at ye fairest and plumpest chested wenches, me deadlights spot and floggin' me scuppers in da head da villainous whore.
--CUSTOMER-- Can I just order a copy of DICKstrict 9 and G.I. Joe: Rise of the One-Eyed Flesh Cobra?
===PIRATE=== Bein' ye corsair chandler, are we? Me cutlass 'twould slice through me hearties and finest reef to settle ye addled discontent.
--CUSTOMER-- Jus-just if you would, just let me speak to a Supervisor, right now.
===PIRATE=== That filthy, poxy, scallawag dog fair winds and Godspeed, mah Lady!
Yes, just one second please.
For some reason, it's comin' up as 1:01.
If timed with a stopwatch you'll see it's really only 1:00 long.
You have NO IDEA just how long I tweeked out on shaving this clip down.
Not that you give a rat's arse anyway.
Man, it's hard to create a developed atmosphere in 60 seconds.
Especially when you're an obsessive, chatty hag too.
I had to cut out the stickler Supervisor and him having to let Cap'n go, almost ALL of the "on hold" music at the very end, and quite a few Pirate phrases as well.
It's sheit, but I hope it still brings someone a smile.
If anyone actually took the time to translate his Arg-ish Jibberish, they would see, his comments are quite accurate to a non-sea lovin' Jack.
Good luck to everyone who entered and may the best swashbucklin' buccaneer
score ye booty an' doubloons to boot!
Whatever, good luck Newgrounders! Uh, huh-huh. . . Arg.
"Lady Be Stabbin' Ye in da Face Wit her Cutlass, after she pillages yer Grog and strangles yer Parrot"