A frank discussion between Captain Johnson & First Mate Craddock. Things aren't quite what they seem.

My entry for the Newgrounds Pirate Voice Acting contest. Thanks to all who give feedback, it's appreciated as always.

Thanks to Sonofkirk for his assistance with the mastering and remastering of this piece. I couldn't have done the fancy effects without him, so thanks very much :)

*****script*****

1st Mate: "Cap'n, some of the men are getting a little agitated. They say that yer not talkin' like a Pirate should."

Captain: "I'm not entirely sure what you mean, First Mate. Who is this 'they' that says that a pirate should talk in any particular fashion?"

1st Mate: "Well, there are some among us who have been pirates longer than you, Cap'n"

Captain: "True as that may be, does it really bear any consequence that they feel this way? After all, it is not as if one goes around correcting grammar and attempting to teach eloquence to these scurvy dogs. Such endeavours would be such a waste of time, don't you think?"

1st Mate: "Exactly my point, sir."

Captain: "So if you agree with my point, Mr. Craddock, why are you bringing this disturbing information to my ears, when I could be making plans of where to plunder next?"

1st Mate: "I'm not sure, sir."

Captain: *sigh* "Mr. Craddock, I care not for the point of view of the crew or indeed any other man, woman or child with regards to the way that I talk. If people do refer to me after I have given up this sailing, malarkey, one would hope that they think of Captain Trilby Johnson as a Gentleman Thief of the High Seas. If they then go on and mention the stereotypical 'Long John Silver' type with a wooden leg, parrot on his shoulder and one eye, then they will be worse off for the cliché. Do I make myself clear?"

1st Mate: "Aye sir. You could at least do something about the name, though."

Captain: "You think so? I always thought that Captain Trilby Johnson sounded so dashing and debonair."

1st Mate: "We can work on that though... perhaps we just need a nickname, like 'Long' John Silver, or Edward 'Blackbeard' Teach."

Captain: Well, I'm sure that I can come up with something that meets with the men's approval, Mr. Craddock... Mr Craddock, are you even listening.

1st Mate: "That I was sir, but it looks as if a Spanish Frigate is approaching on the starboard side.

Captain: "Well, in that case, call on all hands, if you'd be so kind."

"1st Mate: "ALL HANDS! ON DECK AND TO YER STATIONS! DON'T YER BE A-LAGGIN', ELSE THE BOSUN'S LASH'LL FLAY YE TE' THA BONE!"

Captain: "You could have waited until you were outside to do that, Mr. Craddock."

1st Mate: "Sorry, Sir, I just got a little excited"

**After the battle**

Captain: "Hmm, perhaps there is something to be said for the Spanish, after all."

1st Mate: "Sir?"

Captain: "Well, I could change my name to Capitan Juan del Fuego and set all those who oppose my rule ablaze!"

1st Mate: "You might get confused with the one that they call 'El Fuego' - he really does set people on fire."

Captain: "Oh... Damn"

1st Mate: "Perhaps if we set sail again, we can carry on thinking? Do we have a heading, sir?"

Captain: "Aye!"