I can see where you're coming from.
First of all, nobody sounds good if what they're using to make music sucks at making music. What program are you using?
Anyway, solid composition. Just needs a good ending, and better sounds. What I mean by that is if you get higher quality sound samples/synthesizers, that right there gives your work a much better sound. If you want some example, listen to 2 different submissions of mine (warning, my titles are quite suckish): "Yoda is dead" and then listen to "Inner Workings." Sound alike? Kind of. But the only thing I changed between the two was the sounds of the 4 parts. Yoda is dead uses general MIDI, while Inner Workings uses a software synthesizer that has essentially the same sounds as general MIDI, just much higher quality. You'll easily hear how much of a difference it makes.
For even more perspective, if you've got time, listen to all my submissions (XD). I think you'll easily figure out which ones have the better sounds than the others. And, hey, leave reviews too! (Hey, I helped you, now I get to advertise =P)
You don't have to though.
I gave you 9/10 and 5/5 for effort and potential. I really like the construction of this song, so... yeah.
Kthxbai =D
bagfullofrag 
