i wrote a song about alien abduction. I'll post the lyrics, but they may not be one hundred percent accurate as a lot of the song was ad-libbed with just the basic structure in mind. But they should be paraphrased closely.
I've got these friends
well, they're really more like acquaintances
but they're not so quaint if you know what I'm saying
they borrow my car, or make a mess in my house, or eat all my food
or call me up in the middle of the night drunk wanting to know the name of some girl we went to high school with
they just don't call before they arrive
they just show up in the big night sky
with their lights burning bright and making me go blind
and the tractor beam they use on me makes me break out in hives. Calamine.
When I'm up there they never want to talk
be like "Hey Randy. How you doing. It's been awhile you look good. How's the job?
How's the girlfriend? How's life? Shitty.
My job fired me. My girlfriend broke up with me. And I keep getting abducted by fucking aliens.
Actually, that might be why they don't talk to me. I can be a bit of a depressing person, a buzzkill.
But they can still say hi. But no, it's just strap him down and shove this up his ass. We need a reading. Goiing to see what he ate for breakfast. I can just tell you. And it doesn't really hurt. Physically. They use a lot of lube. But it's rude.
Abduction Blues.
I hate it up in their ship, it smells like shit. It smells like a bunch of dead cows. Probably because its full of dead cows. But that's no excuse. Seven to ten showers later I still smell like a fucking slaughter house. How can i pick up girls smelling like a fucking slaughter house? Sniff sniff, what is that alluring odor? Bovine corpse. Wanna make out. No, I'd rather not.
And they never drop me off back at my house. I know you know where i live. You always pick me up in my front yard when I'm doing something important like mowing the lawn, or planting a tree, or burying the evidence...it doesn't really matter they're all way more important than being anally probed. But no, you'd rather drop me off four miles outside of town in some fucking goat farmer's field. Buck Naked. I have to walk home like that. Assuming i can. It all depends on the probe you used really.
Abduction Blues.
dialogue.
End.
