Score: 10
"Where to begin"
date: April 25, 2009
The light outside diminishes as a thick fog covers my yard, something seems wrong, in the distance near the old family swing a young girl stands staring blankly in my direction, stuck within a hypnotic void of curiosity I stand to investigate. As I wonder outside the air feels thick, heavy as though countless bodies are stacked upon me, I can sense the presence of spirits, vengeful, filled with sorrow, a thousands cries are let out, and the child still there staring at the dreary house, her entrancement only equal to my own. I call out to her, yet she does not respond, I try once more only again to have no response, I go inside for help, the house seems different, feels different, the walls begin to bleed profusely, stunned I stand there enthralled with disbelief, the room begins to change once again, the house I had felt so much comfort in has become more nightmarish than the shrill of a banshee on a cold moonless night.
Tell me what you think.
Damien
April 25, 2009
Author's Response:
Very well written. Quite professional I must say. I got an image for ever sentence you wrote, and saw everything clearly.
Thanks for the awesome review!