I can see the experimental side of it...

Like you said, it's not trying to be a track and I can understand that. I think the intro is possibly the best part of the audio, despite your concerns about it's length. Nice chord choices as well. The big let down is the drums; from the audio files to the reverb (or lack of) to the general production value of the kit, it comes across as particularly amateur. I think I recognise the kit from one of Logic's default banks... If that's the case, I'd invest in getting a few more samples into your library just to add a bit more variety. There's some great packs out there are the moment and if I were you, I'd look into getting a few.