good stuff

tho the vocalist isnt on the right tone, its mostly just above or just under.

Yeah, not bad

First off, and think this was the biggest issue, you might want to find some better recording equipment. That kinda detracted from the song. Still, you have a nice voice, and the song varied enough to be interesting. A few effects (maybe a bit of reverb?) might the song a bit more interesting, along with maybe a beat or baseline. None the less, it was a good song, and I can see that a lot of hard work when into this (and by the way, I like the lyrics. Nice choice in words). And I liked, above all things, that this song was original. Don't lose your originality. Creativity is something that this song has that many others don't. So keep up the good work.