Author
Stamper
Date Submitted
08/19/2009 | 11:58AM EST
Category & Size
Illustration | 980 x 1200 px
Tags
spider | spider-girl | thwip
Current Score
4.39 / 5.00
681 votes | 41,187 views
Awards
-
Frontpaged
– 08/28/2009
Author's Comments
I don't so much mind spiders. Spiders are welcome in my home so long as they respect the universal 'you don't fuck with me, I don't fuck with you' rule. At times I even believe we've truly reached a common understanding. I actually find myself talking to them sometimes, you know, laying out the ground rules - which is completely stupid of me, I know. Not because they're spiders, rather because I speak to them like children and they probably feel insulted. One might sneak down off the wall in the dark shroud of night and bite my little peepee, then go back to her web and play stupid the next day when I'm questioning her about it with a boot in one hand and my spiderbite dick in the other.
But nah, spiders can chill at my place if they want. Well, so long as they're small...ish. Small as in - you can't look into their soulless black eyes as they're seemingly peering back into yours. If you can clearly make out the features on a spiders face from a couple feet away, you should probably get rid of it. And get rid of any spider with an ass bubble fatter than a breaker marble. Those are the worst kinds. You know, those nearly clear sorts with the fat asses and bold colors that amble around real clumsily because their huge backsides seem way too heavy to support, even with 8 legs? 8 semi-transparent legs that appear to be growing 'hair', but they're more like rose thorns? Yeah, those little faggots. FUCK them. I will bash a marble ass into paste while his hideous family watches and cries, and the lady spider is all covering her kid's eyes...then I'll put my women and children rule aside and bash the fuck out of them, too. Starting with the kids, so mom has to watch. Talking cold blooded ICE PLANET shit.
BUT I guess you really can't judge everything based on visuals. I mean, for all I know, 'balut' could be delicious. I guess the fat-assed spiders are more or less showboaters - they know the world fears them, as they LOOK dangerous and vicious. They LOOK like mean little balls of teeth, poison, and rage. I'm onto their bullshit now, though.
I mean the baddest motherfuckers aint gotta put on a show. Well...in terms of visuals, the northern black widow kinda fits the show-off description, but it's a fairly dangerous little bitch. They keep to themselves though, and you'll probably never see one in real life. I haven't. And they aren't so much hideous and disturbing...although clearly dangerous, they're actually kinda pretty and neat. But the fiddleback looks boring as shit - and he's like, Prince Dick of Spider Kingdom. I mean, they're night hunters and their bites rot the skin off your bones, then they do dick shit like sleep in your shoes and clothes, then you go to put a shirt on and it bites you in the titties and puts you in the hospital. Fuck them. And again, they don't really look intimidating, really...just kinda...I dunno looks like the failure brother of a tarantula or something. Like a Rally Sport Camaro sitting next to a real one. Thankfully those goons keep to the midwest, though - so I don't gotta worry too much anymore, but some of ya'll might wanna knock out your shoes out in the morning.
And I mean a Brazilian wandering spider will straight up murder your ass. I mean he's got rock solid balls, and he's always out just murdering someone, no joke. Although...I guess he DOES look pretty fucking scary, so nevermind my theory. Actually no, fuck that - I'm tired of little bitch spiders pretending to be tough. And if there's any reading this right now, you come see me and we'll talk. Well, you'll talk. To the heel of my Doc Marten.
Off/on topic - does anyone remember a movie about a voodoo guy who tainted this woman's foundation (as in makeup) and after she used it, developed a bump on her cheek that continued getting bigger, until it split open one day and...like...spiders poured out and crawled all on her face and shit? It mighta been in one of them montage horror movies or something. But man, that shit was crazy like Daisy. (Sour cream, crazy low in saturated fat, n***a.)
The People Have Spoken
Average Score: 9.4 / 10
Since you mentioned it, I'm sure you're familiar with it. Also since I enjoy dick jokes as well, I'll share this with everyone.
"Aside from causing intense pain, the venom of the [Brazilian Wandering] spider can also cause priapism âEU" uncomfortable erections that can last for many hours and that can lead to impotence. The venom may eventually be used in erectile dysfunction treatments. This spider has been referred to as the âEUoeBrazilian boner spiderâEU for this reason.
YOU PERVERTED SON OF A GOAT
ur lil rant was hella funny and the pic is legit.
But in the movie The Mist spiders popped out of a militaty police officer face and when he fell down he burst like a pinata
I love you.
i'd luv to hit that but i'd be scared my dick would get trapped inside of the webs lolz
Shit like this is WHY i love newgrounds soo much....you just gotta love it!
i completly agree with that spider shit you wrote. cant stop laughing. and not to forget. thats a damn good pic.
Well....you gotta wonder where that webbing comes from...
Maybe the movie was Creepshow or Vault of Horror?
Dude there was NO WAY that I was reading all the Crap you wrote.
Nice Pic though. *Thumbs up*
i just dont understand what compelled you to write such a long retarded ass story!!
when i saw this i was like whoooooooo!!!! GOD DAM
I could not stop laughing
you get a 5 and a ten for the art and the monologue about bashing spiders damn freaking hilarious
PERVERT!
Dude that monologue about spiders and then the comment about how one dude helped an ungrateful spider followed by a stupid comment about spiderman shooting web from his hoo hah had me cracking up for an entire hour.
WELL IM COOL WITH SPIDERS NEVER REALLY CARED WHEN THEY WERE AROUND. UNTIL 1 NIGHT I WAS ASLEEP AND I FELT SOMETHING ON MY CHEEK BELOW MY EYE I WOKE UP CUZ THE PAIN WAS CRAZY I TURNED ON MY LIGHT AND IT WAS A SPIDER! WHO THE FUCK KNOWS WAT TYPE OF SPIDER IN 10 MIN MY EYE WAS SWOLLEN SHUT.
ANYWAYS JUST BY LOOKING AT THIS ARTWORK MADE ME GO 2 PEACE WIT SPIDERS AGAIN. LMAO!!! :P
is it one of the spiderman enemy or is it only his sexy wife
thx stamper for another traumatizing experience :P , btw your spider story kinda freaked me out (never seen spider eyes for real , they arent bigger than half a millimeter over here :P)
cool picture. your prolly the only person on newgrounds that could write that much an me actually find it interesting to read it all. lil fuckers..... any way cool picture
Man i you love stamper awsome shit and spiders i do to find myself talking to them and they still try and fuck with me.And when i kill one im like how do you like that you lil bitch your dead now i told you not to fuck with me dumbass.Anyways yeah peace
Where that fuck did this come from,
nasty and delicious all at the same time
you write too mutch.
I really dig how Spidergirl looks kinda lucha libre/kinda ninja, it's an interesting idea that looks just awesome.
Stamper, I fucken love your shit.
Just so you know, I saw that thing about the chick with the face boil that exploded spiders everywhere. It wasn't in a movie, it was part of something like discovery channel. I think that shit actually happened. Or maybe she had this fucked up medical condition where she was having hallucinations about it. Whatever the case, it was based on a true story.
...I wonder how this chick would swing from building to building with vagina-web?
You spider freak, you made my lmao with your rambling about spiders. I do agree though, I allow spiders in my home as long as they are productive and keep to themselves and aren't dumb asses. This one was doing great, set up his little net next to the window and I was even helping his ass cause he was kind of small and flies would take advantage off him, so i would pull their wings off and maybe a leg or two and throw them into this web hoping he would be grateful and hang out there untill he had killed all the flies my roommate let into the house. Then he up and left, ungrateful little fuck. Not only that, but he trashed the fucking window with a shoddy excuse for a web with fucking holes in it. Now all i have is some little jumping spiders that don't do shit. No kind act ever goes unpunished.
fuckin funny
i read all you had to say about spiders. and you sould come to australia we have bird eating hunsmans the size of diner plats (depending on the size of your dinner plate, maby a small dinner plate) and if ur bit on the leg, well say by by leg if ur able to get to the hospital in time.
there mostly located in the hoter parts(so melbourne is safe).
I just read that whole story...wow... See I never really liked spider-man because he shot webs from his wrist. This interpretation is both more appropriate to spider anatomy and funny as the character is female. The shading, texture, colors, and line work are great. But proportionally I think her core and abdomen should be larger and her head be smaller. The background is also very simple, and yet complex, so it is well developed. Keep up the great work.
You and your shenanigans.
HAWHAW
Jolly good laugh.
The author description outdoes the picture itself.
the Author Review or the Picture
your picture is amazing
your description astounds me.
As soon as I saw Stamper I knew it was going to be messed up in some way.
nice
you've got a great fantasy and I'd really like to know how'd you get to an idea like this.
But really, this is erotic and damn, I'd buy your comics if you had some :D
nice work!
Dood doze that mean spiderman shoots web from hiz dikz??
that looks uncomfortable
thats what that movie was called scary as shitcock
oh yeah i know, your parts in street fighter collab and mgs disc 01
By the end of your comments, I'd forgotten what the picture looked like. After scrolling pages and pages up, I had the "ah" moment. Well done.
I thing the Brown Recluse should have been mentioned in your analysis of deadly spiders, though.
Author's Response:
fiddleback = recluse
hey dude this is aswome keep it comin and by the way your funny as fuk i killed a couple black widows cuz i live colorado and we are litteraly geetin ran over by these 8 legged basterdz they have already took to the streets and are starting gangs selling drugs piligeng and rapeing our women last tuesday i got highjacked by one of those 4 thoausend eyed A holes so remember kids dont come to denver unless u want to get stomped down by like 300 legs,raped,piliged,and sold for a ounce of crack like little asian women n***a
Cool picture. Interesting story. BUT......is that web.....coming(cumming?) out of her ass or vag? Because.......who would hit that? I mean imagine spider sex. Are male spiders ok with puttin their spidey-cocks into the hole where the bed came from? Just a little random thought. If spider-girl IS cummin spider silk.....she must be horny as hell.
this is beautiful
:<>
love flexible women
thats pretty cool and great detail. what did u use to make this?
Artworks flawlessss
but the descriptions fucking classic! Thank you stamper for making me giggle like a little school girl.
That the rant really brings things together, like the art is a metaphor for the cruel mistresses that spiders are or whatever. Anyway, thats deep. Did you make this drawing just for this rant perhaps?
But...I liked the rant better. lol
I'm not sure what I think is better - the artwork itself, or your rant about spiders! lol
I went to Mexico about two weeks ago, and the spiders there were MAAASSSIVE. My little sister opened a curtain and found a MONSTER of a spider behind it -- the thing had to have been no smaller than the diameter of a coffee mug.
10/10 for cheering up a shitty morning. lol
wow stamper you sure do have a imagination, but i suppose you wern't the first to think of it... Marvel comic fans
hey is there a Marvell collab? you sould do that some one should do
Marvell
DC
and a few others
do your parents get to see your work?
You're a twisted son of a bitch! :D
but to tell you the truth i wouldn't fuck her, she'd inject venom into my dick
Well folks, thats Stamper for ya.
Imagine the sex with her. She can fuck in over 100 postitions
no words to say that it was truly awsome
I would let her "eat" me.
Need to write for comedies for a living..... I'd watch every one of them.....
i will never look at spiderwoman the same way again
like the pic!
i hope she does not eat me
YOU sir stamper, have just been waiting for the arts section haven't you? it shows
i saw this show where this dude purposely got bit by a black widow. not as painful as you would think, some stupid fire ant was even MORE painful. It's the brown recluse that will mess you up, my 5th grade teacher has a chunk of flesh missing where a recluse bit him, they had to remove the infected area because he waited for 2 hours before getting to a hospital. it was between his neck and left shoulder.
Sometimes, I will feel like being nice to little things, other times i want to squish them. Where I live, in the high desert, their is soooo many fucking bugs its crazy, I could go find a scorpion outside if i wanted to right now, a tarantula under a joshua tree if im lucky. Lots of lizards too.
It's funny that you mention having never seen a black widow before, because just yesterday I ran into one's web, and immediately started screaming like a little girl when I noticed it was on my hand, wrapped up in webbing with what appeared to be the remains of it's male fuck-buddy. I have never been more freaked out, since apparently getting bit by one is comparable to a few hours of taking a cattle prod to the tip of your dick.
As for your art, pussy webbing is definitely a new concept to me, it's totally disgusting! I love it! Great colors too, all of your work is so vibrant.
This joke is pretty lame. Kinda gross also. Saw something with Spider Man, but this really isn't good.
Well that's Stamper for you.
I, for other part... Already got the idea of a girl-spider with launches web tendrils from her private parts, so, on with the show. Love the all that tattoos, piercings and the pink costume.
BTW, in that movie, Jimmy Smits dies disemboweling himself, revealing that his guts are full of snakes... It was "The Believers"... ;)
"¡Culebras! ¡Culeeeeebraaaasss...!"
ok. now thats funny. its a play on spider woman with a hint of vagina in it. you never fail us stamper.
ok thats funny
