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- 4.20 / 5.00
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Not too long ago, I was at the grocery store buying food and shit. I ended up in the aisle with the soda and bottled water and stuff, and I notice this short-ass woman trying her best to reach the off-brand Diet Dr. Cola bullshit they have on the top shelf (it was on sale, I guess). This lady was struggling pretty hard, even started climbing on the shelves and shit when I just reached up and grabbed it, passed it to her and gave her a wink. She thanked me, and I proceeded to say "No problem, God blessed ME with height!"
What I said was unintentionally fucked up. "I'm tall, you aren't. I can reach products that you can't - I guess God fucked you on that one, huh?" I mean, it was supposed to be an innocent joke...you know how sometimes you start saying something that you slowly start to regret as you progress through the sentence, and about halfway through it gets a little too late to stop, so you have to finish what you were saying and sound like a complete jackass? Man, I'm far too familiar with the flavor of my foot. Or for you UK guys, the flavour of my foout.
Actually, I think it was the very same day that I was in the cereal aisle, comparing different boxes of breakfast cereals and trying to decide what to pick up. Some other, older lady was standing there when I settled on Raisin Bran - I guess I felt like making someone laugh, so I held up the box like a Raisin Bran spokesperson and said "MMMM! 2 scoops of raisins in every box!" then smacked my lips.
That was kinda awkward. She just kinda looked at me with squinty, dagger eyes and said some shit like "uh huh", then grabbed some flavorless oat cluster shit for old fucks and just walked away. It's like, hey lady - I just went out of my way to drop 2 scoops of humor into your life, the least you could do is maybe crack a smile or...ANYTHING. Don't cunt out on me and walk away like I'm some piece of shit who isn't worth your precious fucking time.
Dunno. Maybe she just had a bad morning. Maybe she had lady pains. Maybe her baby died inside her just the month before because she tried to procreate far too late in life.
Maybe some people are just cunts.