Gentlepeoples and small children on newgrounds, I have created today, the answer to our hopes and prayers. No, it is not teleportation or a "how to develop your own super power in 90 minutes" video cassette..

No, what I have slaved away at for the last day is an ingenious robotic design that will forcibly but successfully (key word is successful) cure world aggression. This robot can and should be mass produced not only for the luls, but for the safety and righteousness of our future generations.

A wise prophet once said "Man has no bounds, so bound him and therefore he'll gain bounds."* We all have days where we walk down the street, see a group of deranged teenagers and think to ourselves "Fuck. I hate life."

WELL HATE LIFE NO MORE, FOR WHAT YOU'LL NOW VIEW IS THE SOLUTION TO THAT PROBLEM.

THIS IS THE FUTURE OF SAFETY AND ALL THAT SHOULD WANT TO INHABIT IT.

Notice it's sleek and intimidating design! Look at the emotionless gaze of the 10 different viewing orbs! Feel the intensity of it's powerful yet cheap-to-produce weapon system! The ultimate in safety is here (in theory) and it's going to kick anyone who says differently's ass... which they would of course be bad, because if you're an evil-doer, you'd hate this robot too.

BUT! NO FEAR! YOU WILL LOVE THIS ROBOT AND PROBABLY DECIDE THAT YOU'D LIKE TO BE NEAR ONE! Trust me.

Now, the important part: the features.

The first thing that draws my attention is the high-definition and highly accurate emotion-full L.E.D. board!

This thing does it all! It can display two characters, plus two periods (for punctual purposes)! What is that I hear sputtering from your disgustingly charming mouth? "Only two characters?" "What kind of piece of shit is this?" "Did I put my cat in the washing machine again??" WELL SHUT IT, two characters are more than enough! Here's a SHORT list of the endless neat-o character combinations that get my heart pumping with safety filled joy!:

F.U. - Might as well start with the display! Clearly means "Fuck you."
Y.D. - "You're dead."
: ( - "I'm sad."
: D - "This pleases me."
: | - "Seriously, don't fuck with me."
: 3 - "I'm so happy I smile like a cat."

And probably 12 more!

Now, next feature that might catch your dainty gaze is the weaponry!

"Whoah, that's pretty sweet!" You say, "I know broseph!" I reply, then I give you a righteous high five.

Yep! This badboy is the cheapest accessory, and wouldn't ya know it, it does all of the death-inducing! No worries, we pride ourselves on efficiently creating safety through cost-reducing measures that have no effect on our overall product or the quality of it!

The pointy spikes on the tip of it are so sharp that if you get hit in the face with this bad-boy, you'll probably get injured badly! And if that doesn't induce death, the robot can automatically sense that and will continue to hit you in the face or other vital and super sensitive areas of your body!

After that, comes the merciless and taunting, but surprisingly charming main-viewing-device (also known as M.V.D. or head).

We all have bad days, and this thing won't give a shit! This part of the body was specifically designed to compute and process vital information to keeping safety a constant within our sad and depraved universe; it also was specifically designed to look like it doesn't give a shit -- no matter what it's doing!... That way the bad guys won't get away with living, and they'll know the robot still doesn't care!

Next we'd like to point out the hand-painted (because we care!) taunting yet truthful statements to keep the common public aware!

With this handy bit of info, you can smile knowing that when the robot decides you're a threat, it's not personal! Don't worry, it's just business for these little busy bees! Haha!

Well, this has been a wonderflous way to spend some time with our future consumer and obeyee, not to mention our favorite one! You have yourselves a nice day!

*This is not an actual quote and was made up on-the-spot for the specific purpose of enticing, you, the read