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J's Magical Creatures That Will Probably Kill You - Merbats

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May 21, 2017 | 1:46 AM EDT
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mermay
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In this MerMay addition of ‘J’s Magical Creatures That Will Probably Kill You’, we explore a cantankerous genus containing exceptional deadly prowess, packaged into an illusively tiny physique, the Merbat.

Do not be fooled by its lack of girth. A single Bulgarian Merbat contains enough arsenic, cyanide and iocane powder to kill a skyscraper-sized wombat in heat, the Tuscaloosan doubly so.

This unique toxicity was evidently acquired gradually from digesting various poisonous frogs and insects as well as taking up various occupations as deadly renowned pirates throughout the seven seas, sometimes eight. Historians don’t usually like to talk about the eighth one, it gets a bit noisy.

The message I’m trying to get across here is follow your dreams, never give up, and if you try really, really hard, someday, you might become incredibly poisonous too.

You can do it!