PEOPLE HAVE BEEN QUESTIONING THE LEGITIMACY OF MY RELATIONSHIP WITH GORDON RAMSAY. I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW, HE EXISTS. HE IS REAL AND HE SUCKED MY COCK BEHIND ONE OF HIS MANY FAMOUS COOKING ESTABLISHMENTS. IN FACT, SOON, WE WILL BECOME ONE. WE WILL REACH SUCH A PERFECT RELATIONSHIP, OUR BODIES WILL MERGE DURING A STEAMY SEX SESSION. IT WILL BE STEAMIER THAN A STEAMED POT OF CHICKENS; COCKS, IF YOU WILL. HE’LL CARESS MY LITTLE SHRIMP AS IT RELEASES IT’S JUICES AND I’LL DRIZZLE IT INSIDE OF HIS GAPING MOUTH, GASPING FOR BREATH. I’LL BASTE HIS MEATY DICK, PREPARING IT FOR IT’S ADVENTURE INSIDE OF MY OVEN. MY SMOKING HOT ANUS!!!!!!

ILL SCREAM OUT, MOANING IN PAIN AND PLEASURE, “YOU KNOW WHERE THE BLOODY LAMB SAUCE IS? IN MY FUCKING BALLS!!!!! DIG AROUND. LOOK FOR IT, YOU BRITISH SLUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

I’LL TENDERIZE HIS BALL SACK WITH MY WHIP AND OH, THE THINGS HE WILL DO TO MY SKELETAL DICK. I WANT HIM TO DICE IT. CUT INTO IT. FUCKING MINCE MY PENIS RIGHT OFF GORDON, DAMNIT! HE’LL TAKE THE SHREDS OF MY FRESHLY CHOPPED BONY REPRODUCTION STICK AND FLAMBE IT. HE’LL DO THE SAME TO HIMSELF. WE’LL BLEND IT AND MIX IT. PUREE IT INTO A DELICIOUS LIQUID WE WILL DRINK IT TOGETHER, SEALING OUR SOULS AND BODIES TO EACH OTHER FOR ETERNITY.

THAT WILL BE THE DAY ALL YOU LESSER DADDIES WILL REGRET EVER LEAVING ME.